Sex Before Marriage?

[biggie2222]

I have been dating this girl for about 8 months. I have been in a few long term (>2 years) relationships, but this girl seems totally different. Never have I felt so in love before.

Since the begining we have been sexually active and loving every second of it. The two of us have had many sexual experiences before each other. As things have begun to get more serious and as we start too look at each other not for the now but for the long term (aka marriage) we have started to think about stopping the sexual activity and waiting untill marriage. We are in college and marriage will be quite a long way down the road; something life 3 or 4 or 5 years from now. She comes from a very religious family, and for a large part of her life vowed to stay a virgin untill she was married. I am also religious and have contemplated waiting untill i am married, but the past couple of years i have lost some faith and generally decided i was NOT the guy who wanted to wait.

Beyond the religion it is also discussed that this could potentially make us stronger as a couple. There are those statistics online that say more marriages that start with intercourse before vows end in divorce more so than those that wait. I do not want our sex lives to grow dull after 5 years of being together JUST before the marriage. I would rather that five years to come after we are married! Not to say that we can not actively work to make our sex lives anything but dull, but i can see the benefit and the excitment in having a amazing sex life without working for it the first couple of years of marriage.

We are talking about the decision a lot and generally i am fine with the decision to stop sexual activity but i want it to be for the right decision. If my faith were stronger i think the decision would be easier, but since it is not i am looking for other reasons to justify waiting 4 years of no sex during my sexual prime. I really care about this one and would be beyond lucky to have her as a wife, i just want to do what is best for the relationship.
Is waiting worth:
the overwhelming feeling i will surely have the night of my honeymoon?
the POSSIBLE strengthening of out relationship?
the less worry of pregnancy?
the possible gain in respect for each other?
etc etc....

On the otherhand i love love love sex. I love the bond and i love the feeling. Futhermore a part of me says "its just sex!" .. giving up sex would be like giving up anything else that you routinely do with your girlfriend like kiss when u wake up or before bed.

[Brandye]

There is really no advice to be given. You have laid the arguments and the variables and are clearly processing them. This is a very personal decision that only the two of you can make. Sociologically, you can demonstrate that the divorce rate is higher for those who engage in sex before marriage. Those data include many teen pregnancy-caused marriages that were doomed from the outset. Eliminate those, and the statistics are a bit different.

You each had decided to remain virgin. You each changed your mind. Stopping sex will not back up the cat and, in the name of a colleague on this Board, "Revirginate" either of you. More likely there would be great strains in your relationship and then great guilt when you decided to start again.

The average age for the first sex act among women is under twenty and the average age at marriage is almost 27. I doubt that a quarter of all first time brides are virgins. Not many men or women are living celibate lives at 25. Especially few in stable relationships are leading celibate lives. Given modern birth control, the risk of pregnancy is real but very low. A pregnancy may be a real inconvenience but not the disaster it is for 16 year olds.

You clearly have unrealistic expectations of a wedding night. Given the strains of a wedding day, I think sex should be forbidden on a wedding night!

You are thinking clearly; I assume she is as articulate and clear thinking as you. Perhaps you need a mediator to help you through the discussion of what to do about stopping that which you are each willingly participating in.

Having left all religion many years ago, I am not one to stir that into the broth. Religion aside, you are dealing with the two of you and no one else.

[WallyLlama]

Yep, ultimately you can argue from either side of the fence... which might be part of the value of some "debate" on a forum.

I would note that abstaining from sex won't make your marriage better... any more than being married will make your sex life better (or worse). Do not give up the power you have as two individuals and a couple to statistics and myths.

The outcome of this discussion will probably have a minimum impact on your relationship. The fact that you had it will have a HUGE impact.

In other words, it might be a case of discovering that how you get somewhere is more important than where you end up.

[smiles5839]

Four years without sex?????? Are you crazy????????

[smiles5839]

7 years ago I had prostate cancer. I was less afraid of dying than of staying alive and not having sex ever again. They finally cured me & altho my erections aren't as big or as hard as before, i can still get the job done & my wife & I are thrilled.
Be happy while you can!

[sweetiez]

lol, Try having sex before marriage. Plus having a kid.. Then trying to get married and churches are picky as hell!
lol