Girl type

[justaLUVR]

Im 18 and have been going out with this girl for 2 1/2 years. I am whipped and i know it, i will do EVERYTHING for her and not really get anything back (massages, cook food, and tons of tiny favors). ANd its not that shes out of my league (im not conceded but i was voted prom king). She doesnt talk about her childhood much, but i know that her father left her around 2 yrs. old, and i sense some physical/emotional abuse. She then lived with her grandparents. Over the past 4 years she has lived with her mother and little sister. Her and the mom have the worst relationship i have ever seen, they RARELY talk and if they do, its a hypocritical, never-ending fight at the top of the lungs. ANd her little sister is crazy/weird. Our sex life is not great, almost nonexistent, which i dont care becuase i love her that much. I was wondering if this rough past has anything to do with how she treats me, or what goes on in her head, i just want to understand her more. Please help me, what really goes on with a girl like this? THANKS!

[WallyLlama]

I confess I was tempted to have some fun with this... by writing a "dummy" post as if from your girl friend... "He never asks for anything... lets me walk all over him... he's such a wimp - spoils me rotten... what really goes on with a guy like this?"

Playing amateur psychologist is dangerous business. We all do it, but the key is future focus. Certainly the past affects us. But we also have a huge capacity to "make" ourselves.

You may think her relationship with her Mom is horrible, but guess what? It works for them! Intentionally or not, they've figured out a way that apparently suits them -- if it didn't, it would change.

You and her have done the same thing! You do everything... get nothing back... are satisfied with an almost non-existent sex life...

Does her "rough past" have anything to do with how she treats you? Probably. But you know what mostly affects how she treats you?

YOU.

You can find lots of explanations for why things are the way they are and "understand" her more... or you can decide things can be different.

Don't ask her about her childhood... ask her how you and her should be as a couple. And tell her what you think.