Confused by husband's behaviour

[alak76]

Lately I've been really bothered by some of my husband's behaviour. Something inside me just feels bad...here we go...sometimes my husband and I watch adult videos together, and it adds some spice...also, you can learn some good new techniques However...my husband sneaks out into the livingroom almost every single night to watch them and masterbate. And then he sneaks back into the bed (thinking I don't know) and goes back to sleep. He rarely touches me anymore. And when he does...well that's what I need to know what you think about...it seems like we don't "make love" anymore...he always comes at me from behind....NEVER from the front. We also enjoy anal sex...but I don't what to do JUST that and not everytime. Sometimes I say no and he pushes until he can do it anyways. I think he thinks if he just loosens me up I will end up liking it. (I usually do really like it) But when I say no...I don't want to be pushed. I guess it just feels extremely loveless. What kind of message is he sending me when he always wants my back to him when we have sex? Is there a message I should be reading here...or is that just his preference?? We used to "make love" and now it just feels like a screw

[Brandye]

You can talk to him about it or you can forget about it. The first may lead to a place you do not like; the second will definitely lead to a place you do not like - like a long, dry marriage and both of you finding outside "interests."

[alak76]

I talked to him about it earlier today...he said he didn't realize it bothered me so much...and he thought I was enjoying myself too. He says he was completely unaware that there was a problem. Perhaps he was aware of my physical feelings...but I have never liked him sneaking off to watch porn all the time, and he's known that for years...he just laughs it off.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by alak76

I talked to him about it earlier today...he said he didn't realize it bothered me so much...and he thought I was enjoying myself too. He says he was completely unaware that there was a problem. Perhaps he was aware of my physical feelings...but I have never liked him sneaking off to watch porn all the time, and he's known that for years...he just laughs it off.

Sounds like he's just clueless as to your feelings. If he's really that out of touch with your needs then you're just going to have to be more verbal more often with him. He's going to need you to make your feelings BLATANTLY OBVIOUS.

I can tell you that you have gone WAY beyond the call of duty to satisfy him with the things you are willing to do or to overlook. It's time that he caters to you as well.

[katiebug]

Alak,

Do you think he may have a porn addiction? I think some people laugh when I say that, but I really do believe it can become an addiction. Especially when you get to the point where you would rather masturbate and watch porn than have sex with the woman you love who is waiting for you in your bed.

Maybe he is only turned on by faceless, more hardcore, sex (due to the constant watching of porn). I think it's possible to desensitize yourself to other stimuli if you get so used to watching hardcore stuff that's more extreme than what you normally do in your bedroom. Does that make sense? He might like to have sex with you only from behind, or do anal, because that is what he sees in his porn movies. I think there is nothing wrong with porn, but I think it's fair to say that in a lot of it, the women are a little bit objectified and I can say that I've never witnessed a porno where the couple was "making love", as you say you want to do. If he wants porno sex, he doesn't want to make love. Also, pornography (in my opinion) is a type of fantasy - and it's not realistic to expect everything in a porno to happen in real life, or to have that type of sex every night of the week.

No matter what, he should recognize how his behavior makes you feel and the fact that you said he "just laughs it off" doesn't sound good to me. I don't think masturbation is wrong either, but I don't think it sounds very healthy to be constantly choosing it over having sex with your wife.

[ORANGE]

has anything change in his life like work or lost of love one or friend.

i know i drift off from time to time just to feel disconnect and porn does a good job of getting my mind off of stuff i can not controle.


for me porn is an escape from what life really is. When i have a goal or a purpose i usually watch less porn.

you could ask him what is he really escaping from.

hope my experance help....

[WallyLlama]

I do think sometimes women "complicate" sex more than men... and that we guys sometimes really need help understanding what you think and feel.

I would say that it's unlikely that he is intentionally communicating a bunch of subtle messages with some new sexual routines. But the only way to know for sure is to ask him using a different form of communication.

One additional point: saying "no" to anal is not the same as saying you want something else... any more than wanting anal means he doesn't want to see your face.

There are thousands of ways to communicate wants and needs... pick a couple other than sex and see what you both can say to each other.