I just don't enjoy sex

[tuk tuk]

Hi there. So my bf and I have been together for about 2 and a half years. I'm only 20 years old and he's the only guy i've been with. For some reason I just enjoy sex. The only thing I feel from sex is a penis going in and out. I have tried looking for my G-spot many times to no success. Every time we have sex, i find that I'm just waiting for when he would cum.

As a result, I find sex a chore. I hate feeling this way and would try anything to change this. My bf is really good in that he would go down on me until I orgasm pretty much whenever I ask him to, as long as I take a shower. However, my sex drive is so low that sometimes I feel that going to take a shower isn't even worth the oral. So then we just end up having sex just so I don't have to feel guilty And he complains that I don't go down on him enough, but my logic is that he gets an orgasm during sex anyways.

This is really causing huge problems in our relationship. It's getting harder and harder for me to get wet during foreplay. Yesterday night, I asked that we stop having sex mid-way because I just wasn't in the mood anymore. I absolutely hate feeling this way but I dont know how to change. I feel like a 20 year old who have only been with their bf for 2.5 years shouldn't feel this way.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Or if anybody have suggestions on good books that were written that may help me that would be great too. Thanks in advance!

[ORANGE]

look in the woman section they have more info for u

[champloo]

sounds terrible.

do you masturbate, and if so, do you get aroused and orgasm while doing it?


to me it sounds like maybe he isnt exciting you enough, although you say he can go down on you and make you orgasm.

so you just lose your arousal during intercourse, and foreplay?

im a little confused..

and what ORANGE said is a good idea.

[dancingdoc2]

Bummer.

Are you on the pill/patch? If so, what brand and for how long? Some contraceptives disrupt the sex drive so this is an important question.

What is your relationship like in other areas? Are there any situations that cause you stress? If so, what? How is your overall relationship with each other?

Without knowing any more than what you have stated, my first recommendation would be to get checked out by your doctor, beginning first with the type of pill you are on, if appropriate. Next, would be to discuss any other medication you are on. If your tests turn out OK, then you might want to consult a therapist who specializes in this area.

> The only thing I feel from sex is a penis going in and out.

This taken by itself without considering your other comments, leads one to suspect that you and your boyfriend are not spending nearly enough time making out and arousing you. Thirty minutes is the bare minimum for this to build to a high.

Second, is that you should be focusing on the sense of fullness you derive from having him in your vagina. For most positions he should be fingering you while stroking and thrusting within. Keep in mind that very few positions offer the constant and ongoing friction required to build a person's level of arousal to the point of an orgasm; therefore, we (guys should) reach around and stimulate your pieces-parts in order to help you achieve an orgasm or at the very least keep your level of arousal from deminishing.

> I have tried looking for my G-spot many times to no success.

Search for it only when you are extremely aroused. It will feel like a small quarter-sized spongy area about 2" inside along the anterior {front) wall.

> Every time we have sex, i find that I'm just waiting for when he would cum.

And what is your boyfriend doing to ensure your continued interest, pleasure, and the building of your ardor? If your answer is "not much" then the two of you need to invest in a little sex ed 101.

> I find sex a chore. I hate feeling this way and would try anything to change this.

Your interest and willingness to solve the problem in the face of not feeling like having a romantic encounter is very encouraging!

> My bf is really good in that he would go down on me until I orgasm pretty much whenever I ask him to

It is certainly OK to ask for what you want, especially the when of when you want something; however, that you have to always ask for oral stimulation seems a bit odd considering how high it is on the list of interests we guys have.

> he complains that I don't go down on him enough, but my logic is that he gets an orgasm during sex anyways.

It is not so much the ending of the journey that is as important as the path leading to it. The male orgasm can be had in many different ways. Masturbation is one and while it is good, a stress reliever, and extremely pleasurable and worth repeating, the high is not nearly as great as when we are influenced by the pheromones and emotional connection that being in the company of our lover elicits. These "sparks" really raise the price of "poker". Now, with you in the picture and as a partnership in these endeavors, he can experience a really great orgasm just from your hand that is capable of much bringing about a much more intense response than what he is capable of causing by himself. Now, raise the price some more by stimulating him orally and you really cause him to appreciate your talent and interest as well as your involvement in expressing the love you have for each other. Want him to have the ultimate? Then stimulate him manually (by hand) and orally at the same time in what I term the "dynamic duo". These two together will send him into the ozone! Actual intercourse is in there somewhere, although as I have stated intercourse is more about satisfying the emotions and the psyches. So, it is not that he gets an orgasm during sex anyways, but how that is important from a purely ethereal standpoint.

> This is really causing huge problems in our relationship. It's getting harder and harder for me to get wet during foreplay.

Please answer the questions, above, and tell us anything else that may be important. Hopefully Brandye will contribute additional insight into your situation.

[Revirginated]

Okay, here goes--Have you considered the reasons as to WHY you are in this relationship in the first place? People are together all the time for all sorts of reasons that don't have to do with desire or passion. While the old saying about growing to love someone MAY be true, in my experience you can't "grow into" sexual attraction--I don't care how many toys or techniques other people recommend. Desire is there, or it is not. Some people can live with this, others can't. I turned down a marriage proposal and ended the relationship when I was 22 because the sex, for me, was DISMAL. He was a lovely person and I liked him immensely, but I couldn't face a lifetime of either pretending or enduring or seeking "remedies."

I hope it works out for you in whichever way YOU think is best.