My Insatiable Sex Drive

[deviant]

Hello everyone, I'm new to the boards and have found them highly useful and therapeutic. I have an issue that I am almost seeing a psychologist about, and as a mid-twenties male, I do not know how abnormal it is.

Due to a harsh and difficult childhood, I have linked my dependency on sex for emotional attachment (which is typical) but the physical urges are bordering on constant.

I want it all the time. My wife does not. I believe if I didn't try so often, she'd be less annoyed and my success rate would increase . But I have absolutely no idea how to lower my sex drive, or if this dependency on sex is normal for mid-twenty males?

Lets just say that after 4 days without sex, it never leaves my mind and lowers my ability to get things done. After a week+ I get bitter and resentful. The 0-3 days after sex I am more relaxed and pleasant to be around (according to my wife.) And masturbation seems to have a _VERY_ low effect on my mood.

Your thoughts please.

-deviant

[ua322]

How often do you have to go a week without sex? Is that common for you and your wife?

[deviant]

When she has stressful workweeks it can happen. Normally we are 1-3 times a week, with the average being 2. Why?

[WallyLlama]

I'm confused.

1. On the one hand, you are explaining your "high drive" as stemming from some need for emotional attachment.

2. On the other hand, you want to reduce your drive so your success rate improves with your wife?

If your analysis (1.) is correct, your goal (2.) can't happen. If your analysis is correct, satisfying the need for emotional attachment would/should diminish the need for sex and you won't want sex less until or unless you figure out a different way to achieve the emotional attachment.

Seems to me there might be a whole lot of issues mixed up together here.

Nothing wrong with a high sex drive. Lots wrong (or at least counter-productive) with trying to rationalize, analyze, and explain it with some deep pyschology.

Also something "wrong" with allowing your sex need to control and influence your life, your mood, and your relationship.

A counselor might not be a bad idea, really... self analysis is tricky!

[Brandye]

Most men have higher sex drives than their woman partners. During a couple cohabitations in my twenties, the partner was happy with four ot five times a week. I am quite happy with once. A healthy relationship requires some balance between the two.

Each night as we went sleep, I brushed my hand down his front. If he was soft, we went directly to sleep. With any sign of an erection, I took over - orally, manually, vaginally - my choice. It only took a few minutes and got me what I wanted once every week or so - slow langorous loving. Good trade off.

Now talk to her about something accommodation such as this.

[learning]

Judging by your post it would not seem like you have an unrealisticaly high sex drive, infact, by comparison to some with whom I have discussed this issue it could be regarded as pretty low!

If wanting sex once every 3-4 days is regarded a high sex drive, then I need help. Anyway, directed in the right direction (at your wife) this should/can be seen as a compliment as you find her desirable!!

[troilistfriend]

Sounds like normal sex drive to me. my wife and I are in our 30s and we average 4.5 times a week, the only exception being 'green week.'

[ua322]

Originally Posted by troilistfriend

Sounds like normal sex drive to me. my wife and I are in our 30s and we average 4.5 times a week, the only exception being 'green week.'

You probably don't know how lucky you are.

[mrjohnson]

sounds like a normal sex-drive/situation to me.

Many of us guys take all we can get and want more than we can have.

Sex addiction as I understand it is more multiple times a day thing, and you don't have the ability to work because you can't take a break in between times of getting laid. You tend to ruin your monogamous relationships because the need for sex overrides the emotional attachment you feel to your SO.

If I could make it through 3 whole days without being a hornball my wife would think I was sleeping around.

Getting horny and not being able to work has an easy work around (I think if you search yourself you'll find you can actualy work if you put your mind to it instead of letting yourself THINK you have an issue thus bringing sex to the forefront of every thought as a scapegoat). Masturbation. No, it's not the same as sex but it helps calm down a little and be more normal for a time when you find you get on edge in the lulls.

[Sweetness12]

wow... im like addicted to sex. I do it every night. I want it more than my fiancee does i think, but he helps me out in my time of need -lol- I dont think thats a bad urge really...2 times a week wouldnt' cut it for me though