He's got no drive & I feel like Mario Andretti

[Ann6]

Hi All,

I'm new to this so bear w/ me for the back ground. Max & I have known each other for 20 years & been together for 9 of them. We used to have sex like bunnies. He had been celibate for 5 years prior to us getting together so I understood when things started easing off after a few years. My problem is that a few years ago our sex life came to (what feels to me) an abrupt halt. Some of this is due to meds that his Doctor put him on, as well as a bout of depression. We have talked about my desire to have him be more aggressive in the bed room and he talks a good game when he's on the phone, but as soon as he gets home (he travels a lot) all I get are excuses or sex that I feel like counting ceiling tiles through. He's offered to ask the doctor to proscribe him something, but I don't want him taking an more medications. To further complicate the issue, I just started a new job & I'm finding myself really drawn to one of the men there. I don't really speak to him and I try to avoid going to his work area, but I'm having some serious difficulty keeping this guy & fantasies of him out of my mind.
Any suggestions on either side of the equation would be appreciated.

Ann

[constantlylearning]

Is there a TOTAL lack of desire that is the problem or simply not the way you want it to transpire?

[Ann6]

A little bit of both. Part of it is due to the extra pounds he put on, makes it difficult for some postions. I think that I also don't feel like I'm desirable, and yes I have told him that, which usually gets me a long serious conversation and not much response.

[WallyLlama]

Something's gotta give. Get him to the Doc, set aside your criteria that you don't want him on more medication. For one thing the doc may adjust his meds, not add more.

That'll be a better use of energy than lusting after a co-worker.

Interesting that he's willing to talk about everything... a common complaint is that most men won't. Are you listening? What is he saying?