husband is a flirt

[fungirl05]

Hi everyone--new to the board, and I need your advice. I have been married 10 months, my second marriage husbands first. My husband is a really big flirt. I did not realize the magnitude of his co-worker flirting until about 6 months ago. We have been together 3 years, and I have no reason to think he is doing anything further than the flirty conversation, but it keeps nagging at me. His flirting is with his co-workers, and I have seen it for myself on a few occasions. There is no sexual overtone to it, but rather just being overly friendly. When I call him at work and a few of the women answer, they are just flat out rude to me. I have discussed this with him, and his answer is that he was single for 33 years and that old habits are hard to break. He has never cheated on anyone before, but his lack of communication with me sometimes worries me. Any advice?? Thanks!!

[fortheloveofgod]

Well seems to me as if there is something going on, not cheating as such however as well all know one thing leads to another. But if you trust him that is a risk aswell simply because this could ecaslate. If i was you darling i would investigate more into this and make sure he is arriving home on time and stuff its better being safe than sorry.

But i don't want to worry you but the more time one spends with another person can result in people being more friendly with eachother, and sometimes a little bit too friendly. So just as your husband spends time with you he also spend just about the same amount of time with his co-worker. only diference in he does'nt sleep with her, i think.

Try and not be paranoid about this and if you are Private Message me and ill reassure you and listen to what you are saying.

[Brandye]

There is a sexual overtone to everything between men and women. No escaping it. Flirting amplifies this and the rude treatment by his female co-workers, assuming you are not calling excessively, indicates at least disappointment on someone's part or worse. Time to lay it on the line.

[fortheloveofgod]

Fungirl, im here if you want totalk i don't know much about these types of situations however i am studying pyschology and i know how minds work, i am 24 years old, if you want someone to talk to let me know.

Dont let this get you down by the way, you don't deserve to be worrying youve done nothing wrong

[fungirl05]

Thank you both for your replies--I feel better venting this. There is so much going on in my mind and I can't keep it all in all the time. My exhusband cheated on me, so I think that is where the root of my insecurities lie. However, once you are burned, you always keep that little bit of guard up. That is why I am worried about this whole situation. Am I being too guarded or am I being too suspicious? He does get home on time, he does call from work on his breaks, and I call him maybe 2 times per week, at most 3, and it usually is a return call back that he made to me.

[constantlylearning]

How about another viewpoint (from the male perspective). Maybe, it is extremely innocent and maybe he is simply a likeable person. If it truly bothers you and makes you "wonder" then simply sit down and tell your spouse how you feel. To chalk it up to "old habits" is really not an answer at all in my opinion. It should be important to your spouse that you are secure and happy in your relationship.

[fungirl05]

Hey constantlylearning--I sent you a pm--thanks for your post! Yes, he is a likeable guy. Thats why I fell in love with him as well. He loves to make people laugh and be the life of the party. We have talked about this on numerous occasions, but I always seem to make him mad. He gets upset because he feels like I don't trust him. He knows my ex cheated on me, and he reassures me all the time that he would not do that to me, but it is really the other WOMEN I worry about. I know how aggressive I have been in the past, and some people will stop at nothing.

[fortheloveofgod]

fungirl i have sent u a PM, this is kind of a tricky matter beleive it or not, because he has you convinced that he is harmless so therefore you trust him however youve got to consider both sides of the game here and find out weather or not there is a slight possiblity he might be lieing about all this, i mean i think he has lied already about the cake situation.

nonetheless this might be a small lie however there is no need to lie about something so petie and small so why lie this is what makes me wonder, behind this matter about the lie there could be much more to it, there could be not saying that there is.

By the way whats your real name just i think its rude me addressing you by your nickname on the forum.

Regards Khris

[WallyLlama]

Frankly, I think there is some very dangerous thinking in this thread. For one thing, it is absolutely baseless to encourage suspicion of hubby based on what's been posted here.

One of the more significant points maybe the cheating in the past... as Fungirl says, once burned, twice careful.

But there's a problem with that. The "careful" can actual feed the very thing that's feared. It is a bit "unfair" to hold hubby responsible for what happened in the past since he wasn't involved! (Note that he gets upset because he feels like you don't trust him.) Call a time out and you might see a vicious cycle developing.

I'd recommend you come at this from an entirely different aspect - take the flirting out of it, take your past out of it and work on this question:

What do you both need from each other?

Now that might mean you have to ask him a tough question like this, "Is there anything I'm not giving you... anything lacking that makes you want to flirt?"

If he says "NO," you might consider believing him, particularly if he has in fact been doing it for thirty-three years, long before you were part of his life. Don't try to change a behavior in him that helped you fall in love with him!

You don't need a jury to help you figure out what he's guilty of... you need to talk with him and get each other sharing feelings about lots of things, including flirting. Don't make this a one issue discussion and, in a sense, don't make it about what you do... make about how you feel... and how you WANT to feel... and what it will take from each other to feel that way.

There is no case here, settle it out of court.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by fortheloveofgod

By the way whats your real name just i think its rude me addressing you by your nickname on the forum.

Regards Khris

Are you hitting on her?