everything fades

[cowgurl_sweetheart87]

ive been with my bf for almost a year now and were expecting a baby... everything in our relationship has sumwhat faded away and i dont know wut to do anymroe. i love him but as the relationship fades so does my love. the sex, the talking, the listening especially, everything that makes a relationship wut it truely is has gone and loneliness has come to pass. can anyone give me helpful tips on how to get him to understand what im feeling and renew our lives together.

[WallyLlama]

You might try telling him what you are posting here... although I'd say you'll want to be careful that you don't make it sound like you think it's hopeless.

It might make sense to pick something to "work on" - don't focus so much on the feelings, focus on the doing. Maybe make an appointment with each other to really talk and listen... find some things to do together...

Having a baby has huge impact on relationship. It's very easy for the baby to overwhelm the relationship. I hope you decided to have one; that it didn't just happen by accident. BTW, there are also biological factors... being pregnant can affect emotions and feelings. You might do well to mention some of these feelings to your doc.

[cowgurl_sweetheart87]

yes having the baby jus did happen it wasnt planned.... but the problem lies outside of the baby......i cant get him to listen to me at all he hears but he dont listen. hes always taking his fustratons out on me. (ex: i was at my gmas the other day and he was drying to fix her dvd player and when he couldnt do it and i tryed to offfer a suggestion he took the fustration out on me. yelled at me and embarrased me in front of my grandma) i keep teilling him how that makes me feel and to stop but he never does.and then right after he does it ill tell him wut it was that made me feel so bad and hell jus deny it "no i didnt" and he just did it. the act always repeats wit something new. i know pregnancy can cause a woman to have "mood swings" as they say, but mine generally consist of happy and sad i usually dont convert to anger. he on the other hand does... and its gotton to the point that i dont really wanna talk at all anymroe cuz i dont like the end result of being yelled at. it makes me feel like trash. he wont stop and its tearing the relationship apart an i dono wut to do

[Macaframalama]

perhaps inviting him to a counseling session is in order? I'm sorry to hear that he treats you horribly, especially with such a little miracle (the baby) on its way. Perhaps he needs to find happiness within himself and deal with the fact he is about to be a father? In no way shape or form should a woman be treated like that, and it saddens my heart to hear you go through that. Maybe you could bring a few things to the light by having a medium involved (a counseler there to support you and your evidence of mistreatment). I wish you the best of luck with you and your baby.

[youngjulia]

i completely agree with macaframalama(thats some name :P) i think definetely you gotta put in 100% to save your relationship but that shouldn't mean compromising yourself, your safety or you dignity. relationships are a two way street and he is gonna have to meet you half way. he might just be having a problem with the transition to being a father, and let him know your there for him. but at a certain point you also have to be strong enough to recognize if it is just not working. it sounds like he has a lot of growing up he has to do, because a real man would not treat his babys mother like that. try joint counselling or even just suggest he go to couselling on his own since it sounds like he has the majority of issues in the relationship. but also know that once that baby is born you are resopnsible to give it a good life and i can tell you from expierience that watchin parents fight and not treat each other with respect, especailly the way it sounds like your boyfriend is treating you, can be detremental to any babys development. even if you can put up with your boyfriends yelling, your child may not be able to. I really wish you luck and please know that you deserve nothing but the most respect and consideration from anyone.

[WallyLlama]

The counseling is a great idea... and don't be too sure it's "outside" the baby. Life doesn't fit into little compartments, everything relates, particulary if he wasn't this way before. Remember, having this baby could be having an affect on him too, particularly if he doesn't feel "ready" for the responsibility...