Stuck in a Rut

[Hitman]

Hello everyone. I'm new here. Just registered today. I need some advice on how to spice my sex life with my wife. I don't want to say that I'm getting bored, that's a bad word, but we need a good pick me up. Any ideas?

[Brandye]

Did I just read this on another forum?

[Hitman]

Yeah sorry about that. I'm new and wasn't sure which one to put it under so I figured I would post under both forums.

[2hot4him]

I've tried to spice things up with my hubby.....with poor results.

First he said he wanted me to "take the initiative" so I did. Sexy lingerie, acting sexy, enticing, etc... then he says he is "too tired" and goes back to watching TV. When I finally get to the bottom of the problem, I think he has ED or something because it's over in like 1-2 minutes. I could have sex every day

He won't go to the doctor at all about this, and says "that's what happens when guys get older" and now I'm supposed to deal with it. I'm 44 and he is 57. He is also overweight by 80 pounds and I workout. I am at my wit's end.

He also refuses to learn anything new and won't do what pleases me...only for him. Yet, he still thinks he is the stud-muffin that he thought he was waaaaay back then (sex wasn't important back then-I was 80 pounds overweight and in chronic pain from spinal problems; the weight and pain are gone now).

I need advice/suggestions on how to deal with this man. I've threatened, cajoled, pleaded with him....to no use. My sister suggested I find a "stand-in" at one of the dating sites and go for that. I don't think I can do that but I'm tempted.

[constantlylearning]

Well, he certainly is not "old". Could it possibly be health related? How is the rest of your marriage? Does the "sizzle" still exist between the two of you at various times?

[finewine]

Tell him you want a divorce and separate from him. If he's too lazy to meet your sex needs he is probably not meeting your other needs as well. Separate from him for a while and see if he wants you back. If he does, then talk to him about your need and what he's going to do about it. There are pills he can take and if he loves you he should want to please you and make you happy.

Now there are two sides to every story. Are you beautiful to him or are you the nagging wife? What do you do for him outside of sex to make yourself inviting and beautiful to him in your spirit and your body?

[constantlylearning]

A relationship has to be a two way street with both parties giving of themselves equally. To me, becoming stagnant is very disappointing because LIFE is so wonderful and should be embraced and lived to the fullest.
Maybe some additional "spice" along with some romance can get things going once again for you.

[2hot4him]

He says he still loves me and wants no one else. But, he is very stingy with money and won't take me out on the town on a date. If we go to the movies, it has to be a matinee, with no snacks. I bite my lip and don't say anything-I'm just glad to go to a movie with him.

I think I'm good looking. I've lost 80 pounds. Weigh 135 and work out (wear a size 6). I dress nice. Fix my face. Wear sexy bras and stuff. He has let himself go and could stand to lose 70-80 pounds.

I surprise him with a brown-bag lunch (we work in the same area). I'll pop into his office every so often and say hi.

Give him backrubs, bj's etc. He doesn't reciprocate. At all.

[constantlylearning]

Dare I ask who the "2hot4him" reference is for?

[batman527]

The name "Ebeneezer" comes to mind. Perhaps he needs a visit from the scariest of the three ghosts, the Ghost of Sex Yet To Come, or rather, the Ghost of Sex That Won't Be Coming at all. I'm with finewine on this one, but in a slightly less knee-jerk manner. Try marriage counciling first, if that doesn't work, or if he doesn't agree to do it, leave out the front door and don't look back.