Got the short end of the stick

[clicknomore]

I am married for about 6 years. We met online. As usual, she was overweight and insecure. I could easily pass that, especially knowing that she was on a losing battle against her weight. But secretly hoped that she will succeed if she tried long and hard enough. I am not skinny by any measure. I can stand to lose a good 20-25 lbs myself but my wife's situation s much worse. Talk about 100 or so extra lbs.

I am faithful to her and try to please her in the bed to all possible extent and you can imagine how hard it is for me. Everytime we are in bed, it is a work out for me. And still, I do not get any reciprocation from her. And she is eating like a normal person and if not gaining any weight, she definitely is not losing any. Other than her general health problems due to obesity, this situation is really bugging me in bed. I made a few jokes about my displeasure but they were duly ignored. I am on the last leg of being faithful to her.

I am sure there are few of you who are in the same boat as I am. How do you cope with it in short of hitting the streets or calling the escort company ?

[Luvs2plzU]

I totally feel your pain bro...does your marriage have children?? You both need to go see a marriage counsellor or therapist ASAP. Some people will say, oh make sure your wife goes to see her doctor first. Chances are, your wife might NOT be telling her doctor the whole truth about what is truly going on in her life. If she has an eating disorder, it will most likely be a "head" thing like depression and issues of that sort...these issues may go back many many years back, you will knock yourself out trying to change your life in the hopes that her's will get better and it WILL NOT happen without professional counselling...Good Luck and don't wait!!

[constantlylearning]

I am not sure an "escort service" would do much to eliminate the despair that you apparently are feeling. In my opinion, it would merely serve as a temporary "escape" and not a long term solution. This is probably a situation that will take time to remedy and something that will need to be done together. I do not believe "jokes" will be the avenue you need to take in trying to assist her. She needs your support and encouragement to tackle this issue. Let your love be the catalyst that starts the wheels in motion. You could approach it from the viewpoint that you are concerned for her longterm health and quality of life. Be sensitive to her feelings and be the beacon of light that helps her through this tough process. Good Luck.

[2hot4him]

I was on the "other" side of this. I was overweight by 75 pounds and pretty sure I was clinically depressed. Being overweight is just one of those insidious things...it just creeps up on you over the years and bam! you're overweight. Then you have all that to tote around, and you can't just go on a quick diet to lose it like it's 15 pounds. It takes several years of very hard effort.

Help her out. Go with her to a doctor and have her checked out and make sure everything is ok-diabetes, thyroid, etc. Then talk with her about options as far as exercise and eating plans. If you stick with her on a healthy change-of-life fitness plan, that's reasonable, you'd get more mileage with that.

[constantlylearning]

I believe 2hot4him (nice name by the way) has some good solutions for you to consider. It does seem like this is a situation with an array of viable options that you can pursue. Again, GOOD LUCK and maybe with a little kindness and sensitivity you can make it all workout.

[2hot4him]

Originally Posted by constantlylearning

I believe 2hot4him (nice name by the way) has some good solutions for you to consider. It does seem like this is a situation with an array of viable options that you can pursue. Again, GOOD LUCK and maybe with a little kindness and sensitivity you can make it all workout.

Thanks.

You sound like you care deeply for her. I don't think you really want to make a mistake and ruin what sounds like a good relationship over this.
You also need to stop with the jokes and start with loving support.

You both could do this together and who knows where it could end up? Several of my friends have started working out together, losing weight and they have become closer together.

[ORANGE]

yes i agree with all support her but also save some time for yourself.

been in a relationship with a person with a eating disorder.. i thought all my love would help but it did not

when she felt bad she would eat until it hurt. i love her so but i can no longer really help her......i hope you have better luck...i really do...

[nobody12]

On the same boat here. Tried almost every suggestion made short of seeing a counsellor. My significant other exercises more than I do. She walks miles everyday and sweats like pig. But come see her, she would not lose a single pound. Why ? Cuz she eats like a normal person with a healthy appetite. A diet full of calories from all the bad sources. She does not believe in light butter and uses about a stick of it in regular variety. She buys frosting and double her cake's frosting before she eats it.

I can overlook all of these if she is a little warmer than a fridge in the bed. I am not one of those well endowed men. Can not last any more than a few minutes. Moreover, I do not like to explode inside a woman who is nowhere near getting off. So, foreplay is extremely long and painful for me. Sometimes it is so long, I just lose interest in the middle of the way and (I am sure most of your jaws will fall off) fake it when it comes to be my time.

Hitting the streets, as the first post suggested may be a temporary fix but right now it looks so appealing. Especially considering "she" has to work for you instead of the other way around in my bedroom. And all I would be a out of is a few hundred bucks for a quality escort. I am so tired in this relationship, thinking about it just wears me off.

Thanks for the soapbox

[2hot4him]

You guys both mention that your women both eat like "normal people"...

that does not mean they are eating a healthy nutritious diet with healthy choices. I know, I did the same thing, ate what I thought were "normal" portions and snacks after every meal and desserts, etc. Come to find out, my portions would have put weight on a sumo wrestler and desserts should only be eaten several times a week, not every night.

I would recommend a dietician evaluate the diet and recommend an eating plan (don't say diet...an eating plan is something that needs to be followed for the rest of your life, while a diet is short-lived). Also, medical tests need to be run to rule out other medical problems.

I can feel your frustration. When I was big, sex wasn't interesting to me because it was too much work. When I lost the weight, it was like a switch was turned on inside of me and now I can't get enough!!!! So, stick by them and stick it out! It will be worth it in the long run!!!

[Thea]

Ok well me being a woman who was 50 lbs overweight, see a nutritionist to find out what u SHOULD be eating..and portions..everyone is different what I did was i got a personal trainer and i went on downloaded calorieking.com...it helps me track what i was eating wrong, should be eating daily and how much of what i was intaking..very very good program..it took about 6 months but i lost the weight and more toned than i ever been in my life. Sometimes a little motivation is good.