So what do you do when...

[thetease13]

So what do you do when someone you've been "seeing" for pretty much 2 1/2 years, decides that they're going to quit and stop the only time you two mutually see each other?

To those that don't know my situation, I work with the guy I've been "seeing". We are more or less friends with benefits. This work is pretty much the only time we see each other. After work was the only time we ever managed to get together. After this coming week, he will no longer be working there.

I had asked him what that meant for us and he told me it would be over, but I personally don't believe that. He insisted that it was "life" and "how it goes", which I understand. I know nothing is life is made to last forever. But when we were together after that, and "engaging" in the act, his mood had changed from "I don't know" and "we'll see". I know he enjoys the time we spend together, at least once we're together he does. I think he's just afraid to admit it when we're not.

We're not exactly two people who do it very often. We had a 7 month break in between these past two times, so the urges kind of come and go depending on our moods. He has a family and several jobs that stand in the way for a lot of things, including extra time in general. While I find it frustrating, after all this time, I've become somewhat used to it, and I just don't want to give it up.

But really, what can I do, if anything, to make him see that what we have is good. That I don't think we need or should have to give it up. That I think we both need it in ways.

Is there anything at all I can do?

He's my friend, a great friend, and I know that him quitting is going to put a huge dent in our friendship because any time a friend of mind has moved or gone off somewhere, they forget about me, and eventually just ignore me all together, and I'd give anything to not let that happen, but I just don't know what to do.

This man was a first for me for a lot of things, and while I knew it couldn't last forever, I didn't expect it to exactly end like this.

[dancingdoc2]

From your description it sounds like he is wanting to distance himself from you while you are attempting to hold on to what was. I am not sure there is anything that can be done to salvage the relationship once one person has made the decision to not engage.

If he hasn't wanted to put more effort into seeing you then I think you owe it to yourself to begin dating again and to find someone who wants to devote more time and attention to you. I understand that he is a busy man with other jobs and obligations, however, I think this sporadic involvement is the thing of friends, not lovers. Which do you want, long term?

If friends, then based upon past history with others, all you can do is to make the effort to maintain the lines of communication. If the friend no longer wants to continue the friendship there isn't much you can do at that point.

Nowadays people seem to have forgotten the purpose of dating. It isn't so much an activity limited to establishing a committed relationship with the first person that comes along; rather, to sample a great many people and to see what humanity has to offer so that we can make better choices when ultimately choosing Ms/ Mr. Right. We want to be exposed to many different characters, quirks, likes, dislikes, interests, etc., and to narrow the field down to a couple, then to THEE one. I believe you owe it to yourself to get back into the game.

Tell family and friends that you are available and looking and that you would like them to network on your behalf. The more people you have looking for someone, the better your success ratio. Secondly, place yourself into activities where guys will also be participating. These can be a hobby, sport, club/organization, or a volunteer effort for some business or community project.

[thetease13]

He has always tried to make things work and make it so we can get together. The problem with us has always been that things stand in the way. Whether it be his job (or really, jobs) or his kids or his family. Something just always kind of stopped us.

He is not going to just completely cut me off. He is still going to talk to me. At least for quite sometime, I just know it won't be the same because we won't be seeing each other just for a hi anymore.

I *know* that he enjoys the time we spend together. I know. I don't think it, I know it. I know his mood changes. I know his thoughts change. I know his feelings change. He's my best friend and I know enough about him to know this stuff.

I just don't know what to do to "make him see" that I think this is worth trying for and to not give up on those benefits completely because I know how it makes both of us feel. I know that he will still be my friend, even if it will be a big struggle for the both of us.