i dont turn my wife on anymore...help me

[adamneedshelp]

adam (38) wife (36) I have been married for 12 years and the inevitable has happened, I no longer turn my wife on. We have sat down and talked about it and she has said that she loves me dearly, but in the last year or so she has only been going through the motions when it comes to sex just to make me happy. She has said that i still make her orgasm, but it just isnt the same having sex with me any more. She has said that it wouldnt bother her if she never had sex again, and i love her so much that i have said that i can accept that as long as i can be with her. Is there ANYTHING that i can do to put the smallest of sparks back again??

[Brandye]

It is time for marriage counselling. Recognize that at any moment marriage counselling can turn into divorce negotiations. You are heading for a sexless marriage by 40. Counselling can help if you both want it to.

[13Hearts]

I am wondering why you think this was "inevitable" and why you believe that she Really COULD go without sex for a year?

My husband & I are both 37 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. There have been times (days, months, years.... ) When I have felt the same way. However, nothing has turned me around faster than when he Listened to me and then actually DID what I asked! (the times he didn't, led to the 'years'. oh... and also led to our twins. Don't forget to take Hormones into account!)

You are thinking "But Then I won't be having sex!"... This is true, but take the time to ask yourself this question....
"Why on earth, would a woman who IS having Orgasmic sex, want it to stop?"

When I am feeling like that, it is usually because while he does take care of me in BED, I can end up feeling like that is the ONLY place he Cares about me.
When I ask him to take a break from sex he is very understanding and he doesn't stop giving me affection or talking to me, and usually he finds that he has extra energy for helping around the house and playing with the kids more...
Pretty soon I am reassured that he Does Love ME and I am feeling less stressed about my responsibilities... and the next thing I know... I am walking up behind him while he's doing the dishes... and.. OMG! That is the sexiest man I have ever seen, and he's in MY kitchen, and I want him NOW! ( Of course He always makes me wait an extra 10-15 minutes to prove that I love him too.)

Since what works for me might not be what works for her.....
Try to remember what you were like when you first met her. Try to bring out the personality traits you had when you were just beginning this relationship (before you first had sex, if possible)

Good luck!!

[ua322]

Originally Posted by adamneedshelp

adam (38) wife (36) I have been married for 12 years and the inevitable has happened, I no longer turn my wife on. We have sat down and talked about it and she has said that she loves me dearly, but in the last year or so she has only been going through the motions when it comes to sex just to make me happy. She has said that i still make her orgasm, but it just isnt the same having sex with me any more. She has said that it wouldnt bother her if she never had sex again, and i love her so much that i have said that i can accept that as long as i can be with her. Is there ANYTHING that i can do to put the smallest of sparks back again??

Thank your lucky stars that you at least had 12 years of good sex. That's more than a lot of guys get.

[constantlylearning]

There is probably no "ONE" perfect piece of advice that will cure your dilemma. Perhaps, a variety of suggestions will give you some "food for thought" and set you on the right course. To me, the "fire" in the relationship needs to be generated by YOU. A romantic interlude to rekindle the romance that once sparkled so brightly. Enough romance truly is really NEVER ENOUGH. Make her feel so special and adored. Turn your words in action. Step out of your comfort zone and maybe do things that are out of character for her. These are just suggestions take them with a grain of salt or maybe put them into motion. Lead her to the romance and regardless of what life throws at you never let it dwindle.

[fungirl05]

I think you need to find out where you became disconnected emotionally. I think that to have a satisfying sex life you have to have a satisfying deep emotional bond. As was metioned above, spend some time getting to know each other again. Sit and talk about your relationship and reaquaint yourselves with each other. When the spark is gone, it is because something else in your relationship blew it out. Find a good counselor that is pro marriage, not pro divorce. (I learned there are both out there). They will help you find the reconnection you need and tell you how, if you can, rebuild this relationship back to fiery passion. Good luck!!

[constantlylearning]

It is very easy to become engrossed in your daily activities (work, duties @ home, etc.) and forget about or put on the back burned other aspects of your life. Things such as your relationships. When in reality, these relationships should receive top priority. Think about what truly is important to you and work to make it the best it can be. Maybe see the glass half full as opposed to half empty.

[batman527]

Originally Posted by ua322

Thank your lucky stars that you at least had 12 years of good sex. That's more than a lot of guys get.

scary thought.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by batman527

scary thought.

I will not say it is the "norm" because I didn't do a scientific study. However, it is not unusual for women to suddenly lose interest in sex shortly after getting married. I've experienced it and I personally know of several friends of mine who have endured the same thing.

And we all had one thing in common: we didn't think it would happen to us.

[finewine]

Originally Posted by adamneedshelp

adam (38) wife (36) I have been married for 12 years and the inevitable has happened, I no longer turn my wife on. We have sat down and talked about it and she has said that she loves me dearly, but in the last year or so she has only been going through the motions when it comes to sex just to make me happy. She has said that i still make her orgasm, but it just isnt the same having sex with me any more. She has said that it wouldnt bother her if she never had sex again, and i love her so much that i have said that i can accept that as long as i can be with her. Is there ANYTHING that i can do to put the smallest of sparks back again??

Yes, pursue her and make her feel sexy and beautiful again with gentleman courtesy, complimentary words, a kiss on the hand to a lady from her prince.
Become her lover and wisk her away, not her husband that just plops on the bed and whips it out and says let me do ya babe. I want my blow job.
She is needing adventure in her life.
Sex is an expression of romance and pursuit. It is also the expression of intimacy in mind and spirit as well as in body.
Do you share your feelings with her about life?
Are you doing things together or drifting apart?
Do you know for sure you give her orgasms, are you so intune with her bodily reactions that you know when she will climax and what to do or is it just bam bam thank you ma'am? Do you leave her hanging when she needs more stimulation from you?
Do you wear out before she does in the session?