should I tell him? or keep it to myself?

[ductapefaerie]

alright...I have a problem...and the way I see it, I have three ways of dealing with it...keeping it to myself, telling my boyfriend's best friend (Jack...real name changed...in case he somehow finds out and I don't tell him...), or acting on this problem...

my problem is that I have had a school girl crush on Jack for a while now. it is definitely just a school girl crush, as I am still madly in love with my bf (3 1/2 years). my bf knew about the crush in the beginning, and he still knows I'm attracted to Jack (because, who isn't...seriously...if my bf were female, he'd pipe Jack...or want to be piped by Jack, I guess). I've always had little fantasies about what it would be like to kiss other guys, as I've only kissed a few in relationships...(spin the bottle doesn't really count)...they were usually people that got dismissed immediately, though. unfortunately, the last problem like this that I had, I dealt with by acting on it...which was immediately agreed upon by both parties as "never happened"...also, he was a really bad kisser...so that fantasy went away quickly...but this one is a bigger deal...it's my bf's best friend...and lately, the little fantasies have been overwhelming in their amounts...I've even dreamt about kissing/making out with Jack...

so, I guess I want your opinions on what my course of action should be...I really feel like I should tell Jack...but I'm still not completely decided...however, something needs to be done, because I can feel that I may soon be losing sleep worrying about this...

thanks all

[nursefluffykins]

noone can really understand the complexity of your situation but yourself... but 3,5 years is a pretty long time to be throwing away... based on my experiences with my friends, stuff like that always ends up being found out sooner or later... if u really want to be with ur current bf, maybe tell Jack uve thought about him in a complimentary way, but i wouldnt do anything u would regret... if u dont think u want to spend your life with ur current bf then go for it lol
again the classiest course of action (all of this just being IMHO) would be to break up with the current bf if u really dont want to be with him in the long term... good luck to you

[Horizon]

nursefluffykins is right, if you dont want to be with your boyfriend long term, end it and then go talk to jack.

for a school girl crush i think its stupid. everyone can get attracted to someone else while you're in a relationship, the important part is you dont act on it. because chances are once youve had your fun the crsuh will be gone and then you'll be left alone.

stay with who you love not just who you have a crsuh on

[ductapefaerie]

I don't think you guys quite get this...it is just a school girl crush, and I am going to stay with my bf...and telling his best friend would not cause the relationship to end...but this little crush is getting outrageously...outrageous...it waxes and wanes, too...I'm trying to think of what else I can say to get you guys to understand...breaking up with my bf is not an option...and if Jack and I were to kiss, I would do it under the guise of like...spin the bottle or something...so that it wouldn't look bad...but that is if and only if telling him didn't work...

[Horizon]

but you're still chancing it. i dont know why you would even want to chance loosing a relationship with your boyfriend. because even if thats not what you are planning on doing, whether or not your planning on staying with your boyfriend... your still chancing loosing him. if i found out that my boyfriend went to one of my best friends (or anyone for that matter) and told them that he liked them... goodbye. because by telling jack you're looking for a response. obviously if he gives you a negative response you wont be happy.

it almost sounds as if you are willing to see if jack likes you in return, if so, you'll go for it if not you have your boyfriend to fall back on... and thats not fair to him

my girl friend actually went through something like this, she told both people, her boyfriend and the guy she liked. her and her boyfriend broke up. she still really cared for him, and he still really cared for her. but in her mind, she also really liked the other guy. her boyfriend gave her considerable amounts of time to discover for herself who she liked more. they are now back together.
she was honest. with both parties.

if you are going to tell jack, then you have to be honest with your boyfriend. yes i know you told him that you had a crush on jack, but have you told him how intense that crush is getting? have you told him that you are going to tell jack? if not then i think thats what you have to do first. be honest with him. tell him you love him and explain the situation.

[Lass]

I agree with what Horizon said. You have to resolve the problem with both of them. Your boyfriend may be hurt at first or what not, but at least you told him the truth.

There's nothing wrong with fantazing about someone else...isn't that why people have 3somes? They still love that one person but they're just curious...so on a joking level dear, perhaps you should have a 3some with them both.

See if that gets 'Jack' out of your system. If he stays there, well....it isn't a schoolgirl crush.

Also, could you unknowingly be falling for Jack for more then a schoolgirl crush. But just my advice.

[ductapefaerie]

my bf does know about the dreams and the little fantasies I have...I am just not sure if he realizes they are still going on, but he does know I've had them, and he didn't have any problem with that...he knew I wouldn't do anything about it that would jeopardize our relationship...and playing spin the bottle wouldn't do that (I know from experience)

[The1stTriSexual]

Congrats Duct, it sounds like with spin the bottle you've found yourself a nice little relationship loop hole.

I think you're in serious denial about this being just an innocent "school girl" crush, as it's obviously big enough for you to make a post about how you should act on it, rather than it being just dismissed altogether.

Also, im confused...tell Jack what exactly? What do you want him to say/do?

It seems to me, since you're so "madly in love" with your boyfriend, that you should be completely happy with dismissing the idea of acting on any thoughts you may have.

..And stop using spin the bottle as an excuse to try out other guys. It's a great game, don't taint it's image..

[Lonewolf*]

Originally Posted by The1stTriSexual

I think you're in serious denial about this being just an innocent "school girl" crush, as it's obviously big enough for you to make a post about how you should act on it, rather than it being just dismissed altogether.

Also, im confused...tell Jack what exactly? What do you want him to say/do?

It seems to me, since you're so "madly in love" with your boyfriend, that you should be completely happy with dismissing the idea of acting on any thoughts you may have.

..And stop using spin the bottle as an excuse to try out other guys. It's a great game, don't taint it's image..

Exactly. Obviously you are looking for a reaction from Jack, a positive one, so like it was said before, are you just keeping your boyfriend around in case Jack says no?

If you love your boyfriend so much there shouldnt be this huge thing, if its simply a school girl crush that is. If its something more then that.. a more serious interest in him... then you have a larger problem and need to talk to your boyfriend because he deserves to know.

[Lass]

I agree with Lonewolf and The1stTriSexual...it seems like you're wanting Jack to say something and that although you may not admit it on the surface, this school girl crush is more then that.

And I'm all for you know open relationships, but honesty dear, it DOES seem like you're using spin the bottle as an excuess just to be close to "Jack"...if I ever learn that my boyfriend kissed a girl other then me even in a game of spin the bottle, it would be a pussy fight from Hell.

...and on that note...does your boyfriend know you play spin the bottle with Jack?