promise ring

[Lass]

...I didn't know where else to put this...

My guy and me have been talking about him getting me a promise ring lately. I told him I viewed it as him just promising to do something for me (like to never hurt me, blah, blah, blah) and that it didn't have to mean anything past that...but my friend told me today it meant you were basically engaged.

I don't want that in our relationship right now and I don't want him to feel pressured because of what the ring may mean...so I was wondering, does anyone know what a promise ring does mean? I mean, is it like I thought and just something a guy can give to a girl and promise her something...or does it really mean like a pre-engagement ring?

[stormtrooperdude]

I have always heard of it as a pre-engagement ring.. of course I very well could be wrong. In fact its one of those things I heard through the grape vine.

[Lass]

yeah i've heard that...i also heard it could be like a symbol to be honest and true to each other and not, you know, sleep around to put it in a simple term...i may just look at it as that.

[stormtrooperdude]

Eh, as long as you both know what you want it to mean who cares what "tradition" says it should mean.

[LittleFury]

A promise ring is a ring the symbolizes some kind of promise. From him to you, and you accepting that promise. It can be any promise, as long as you both understand what it is. For my guy and I, it is bascially almost like an engagement ring, because while he would love to get me a "real" engagment ring, at this point, he cannot afford it and wants to finish school first. So from him, the promise is that it will be replaced by engagement ring in a few years and that he will marry me.
So you can tell him that promise ring is a ring that represents some kind of promise, and what that promise is up to him. And he shouldn't worry about what other people think.

[apost3]

I've heard the same as everyone else.. a promise to be true to each other, etc... but what ever happened to just taking someones word?? Will that ring keep him from hurting you?? if he ever raises his fist at you..will showing him that ring stop him?? will it be your "magic shield to pain" ???

Seriously, I have problems with the "promise" ring... it doesn't mean anything, and wont' stop him from doing something..or you from doing something.. just because it is there. Ask married people who have had a spouse, or ex-spouse cheat on them, or beat them..if that wedding band stopped them...

Just my thoughts

[dancingdoc2]

I agree with apost3 and LittleFury and tend to go one step further than stormtrooperdude. I think this ring is a bit juvenile. Becoming engaged means having both a ring and a date.

[nottooblushing]

Traditionally, a promise ring is not an engagement ring, it is very different, and if done traditionally is anything but juvenile. It is from a day when a man's word was everything and a woman never made a move on a man. A man would go to a woman's father and ask his permission to court her and spend time alone with her. Of course, this permission was never granted unless marriage was the ultimate intention. Having the ring was a sign to other men not to inquire after the woman, she was spoken for. Returning the ring was the woman's way of breaking up gracefully, it would be returned in a letter or some other lady like manner. If the relationship progressed to engagement the ring moved to the right hand until the marriage and the ring was passed on to the eldest daughter at her coming out or some other significant event. I have one that my great-aunt had, and she never had any children, but we had the same birthday and her husband had given her a ring with her birthstone, so she left it to me in her will to be given to me on my 16th birthday. It is an heirloom, and something I treasure. I would love to see this tradition come back, but then again I am very traditional.

[apost3]

That is a very nice story, nottooblushing. Makes you think about the way things used to be, however, now it's just tossed around as a "promise ring"... truthfully, no peice of jewelry will make a relationship perfect. I am so glad you have something so treasured to you. Many of us don't ahve that one "precious" item these days...and everyone fights over money.

Treasure that forever!

[Lonewolf*]

To me a promise ring is what a lot of the posts above wrote, its a promise to another person to be there for them when they need you, to be honest, truthful, loyal, you're saying to them that you love them and care for them. I guess it could be seen as a pre-engagement ring. But at the same time not, cause you're not asking them to marry you, and you might never pop that question. When you get an engagement ring you want them to marry you. I get frustrated with those that get an engagement ring and dont get married for another four years. If you give me this ring and say you want to marry me, you better damn well be ready to marry me. If not, dont bother till you are. I'm not going anywhere, I love you too much.
Maybe thats just me. My friend recently got engaged, 17 years old, shocked me. I'm happy for her, I am. But at the same time, 17 years old. And only been with her guy for 3 months when he asked. Yet they werent planning on getting married till both finished schooling which is like another 3 and half years. (Now they are talking about doing it sooner) But anyways, thats off topic.