Long Distance Hell

[clare33]

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship- he lives across the country from me. We've been doing this for over a year and a half. It's been painful and had major ups and downs, but it is still so very worth it.

I need advice about something: I'm a 20 year old female and I am completely faithful to my boyfriend. So of course, I am as horny as a mother f***er. In the beginning of our relationship, we were having phone sex and/or online sex pretty much everyday, but after a bad time in our relationship, we now are only intimate maybe twice a month if that. It kills me because I love him so much and I am so attracted to him. We are suited so well for eachother sexually: we are comfortable with eachother and know how to please the other very well. For a long time I thought maybe he wasn't attracted to me anymore, but after many long discussions I am pretty sure that is not it. The problem is mostly because when our relationship hit a low point (due to a mistake I made, which hurt him very badly), his emotional pain stuck with him and so he no longer wants to be intimate all the time. He says that once we are together it will be fine and most likely we will have sex everyday, and I do believe that. He just is jaded about our online/phone communication. I understand completely, but still, I mean we are young, we are in love, sometimes I want him so bad I feel like I'm going to explode into a million pieces. How can I make him understand that I need this? I am not a selfish lover, I offer to please him before myself and tell him I would give him so much please each and everyday. What can I do to satisfy myself until we are together? I only feel satisfied masturbating when he is on the other end. Doing it by myself doesn't usually do much for me. I have never tried toys though. Any suggestions? Please help!

[Lass]

I too am in a long distance relationship, though not cross country. I still only get to see him once a week though, if that. And phone sex has become a God send.

For 7 months we never faltered once on having phone sex at least twice a week...and it go to the point where I looked at it as an intimate part of our sex life, which is what I believe you are doing as well.

And then a few weeks ago for an entire week he refused to have phone sex with me...or shall I rephrase that. I could masturbate on the phone but he wouldn't. And we had just went through a ruff emotional stage (ppl had told me things about another girl and it upset me and yadyadyad) and I don't know...I viewed it as he wasn't attractive to me. And then we not so calmly talked about it and although it still ircked me he wouldn't do it, I realized guys don't always have to be 'in the mood 24/7'. I know I'm not.

And I don't know...all I can give you as advice is talk to him. Let him know how you're feeling and that although you didn't mean to hurt him last time, that now what he's doing as an aftermath of that, is hurting you.

[WallyLlama]

LDRs are hard on a number of points. Maintaining a sense of intimacy is one. Sometimes sex (making love) can contribute to the sense of intimacy... more often it will be an expression of those feelings.

I'm not so sure I'd count on everything being better when you are physically together.

When there's a problem LD, it can take a little longer to get past it, partly because the distance is real and it takes a lot of work to feel connected. It should not, however, take months. I'd say you need to work on the connection and not see this "sex issue" as being separate from the relationship.

He may truly believe what he says, that once you are together everything will go away and you'll have sex every day. I for one do not.

[LoveIsBeautiful]

i myself am in a long-distance relationship. i get to see my beautiful girlfriend a few times a week, as i stay at hers or she stays at mine. we too are madly in love and i'm sort of in the same predicament as you.

but im sure hes still very attracted to you, and believe me i know what you mean when you say your horny!

the time we usually get it on is in the morning though.(yeah because of hormones and what not). I think the best way to instigate it is to start their back, upto their neck and around.

it's guaranteed for me if i do this (providing shes as horny as me)