fustrated

[karezza corvus]

I have been with my guy going on 30 years. While our sex has usually been mind-blowing & multi-orgasmic for both of us (we both read ESO), my husband has always been sexually selfish, usually turning me down whenever I've tried to instigate playing, only wanting to when he's felt like it. However we usually alway had Saturday night sex regularly until I started to have to work on weekends (up early & long days working retail).
I've asked him if we could play earlier in the evening, but he always waits until 11:30pm or later, or maybe can we play on my day off, Sunday. Rare luck & then still late at night (he's glued to the damn TV). So because I'm exhausted by 11:30pm, we've almosted stopped having sex.
Recently he quit smoking (YEA!!!) & then was given a free car (WOW). But now he's suddenly (within 2 months) gotten this big fat belly because he drives now instead of taking a bus & having to walk to get places. He was tall & trim for a long time. He refuses to adjust his eatting habits.
Now I've alway had a weight problem (I'm "Rubenisk")but when I got skinny (really skinny) he hated it. It's never interfered with our love life.
Suddenly, he has no stamina (huffs & puffs like he's going to have a heart attack) and sex has become foreplay with a slam-bam-no orgasm for me finish. He gets his jollies & leaves me hanging. Not even any afterplay to round things off.
I'm angry, frustrated and ready to just take care of my own needs without him. I've reached a point where I'm tired of argueing about when I'd LIKE to play & about the lousy finish.
He won't talk about it without getting angry at me, saying things just don't work the way it use too because he's gotten older (we're both in our 50's).
Inspite of his selfishness, sex was still always great until he got this car & the gut.
I'm at a lost as to what to do about this. I've put up with a lot from him & if I didn't love him would have left a long time ago. But I'm feeling unloved & angry & unaffectionate-majorly rejected for something that is not my fault (& I've asked him-is it something I've done-is there something I can do different).
I'd appreciate any suggestions to make things better before I just give up all together.

[WallyLlama]

In a few words, "fix the relationship." From your own description it's been less than ideal for a long time. I'd say this is not really about sex, and all that's really happening is the fundamental problems have now started affecting your sex life.

Quitting smoking is big and includes lots of physical changes including weight gain and moodiness - not defending him, but there are some realities there.

Since it sounds like you've not found a way to talk about things, counseling is the way to go.

[dancingdoc2]

In addition, and because he states "things just don't work the way it use too because he's gotten older", you might urge him to get checked out to see if one of the ED drugs is appropriate. Along with whatever else may be going on, this could be a problem he does not know how to come to terms with.

Make an appointment to see a counselor. If he won't go, then you go. Remind him of two things: first, that "when Mama is not happy, nobody is happy"; second, of his own words that things don't work like they used to, meaning because the relationship is not working like it used to, it needs help and should be checked out.

[fenceguy]

dancing doc has made a lot of good sense there!.......