sex with same man for 18 years..help

[susan]

i am 36 years old,i met my husband when i was 18 and have only ever had sex with him (yes just the one man!) but of late i have began to feel that i have missed out somewhere along the line. After 18 years of marriage i still love him him dearly but feel that i have to experience (just the once) sex with another man. I have talked at length to my husband about this and he has assured me that he can understand what i am talking about and has given his blessing to try sex with another man (but once only), would i be doing the right thing by going ahead with it? will i be able to stop at one if i do? Please help me as i am getting down about this..

[Lass]

Although at the moment I refuse to give my boyfriend one, why not try a 3some?

That way you can experience sex with another guy but at the same time your husband will still be there. Unless you just want the experience to be about you.

[Elco]

Susan,

You are fortunate to have such an understanding husband. What you feel is very common in people who marry early and have few sex partners before their spouse. Just be sure to go into this with the right attitude. If you do it, it will be fun and exciting but may not be as good as it could be unless you do a little preparation work first.

I'd suggest taking the time to meet someone online who lives in your area. That way you could get to know each other first in a safe and secure manner.

You might even indulge in a little cybersex with a few different guys. That way you'll get to know your partner candidates a bit and you'll discover what they like and expect in bed. And, more importantly, they will get to know what you expect and what they need to do to please you in the best way possible.Sharing your hottest fantasies will also increase the anticipation and make the whole deal that much hotter when you do finally get together.

[Brandye]

Susan,

You are typical of those who remain forever with their first love. At some point, nearly all have this question. I have posted here about patients experiencing their first orgasm in their thirties after a few children. It is not often with their husbands. The world talks about the seven year itch. That is real. To try a 3-some is really not a good idea. To annoiunce to your husband, "I am going out for the authorized lay tonight," does not sound like too good an idea, either. What may sound ok may have a different feel for him after he knows you have tried someone else. There is also the peanut syndrome - you cannot stop after only one.

The ideal is for the two of you to get into a sex counselling group together. Not some flaky thing from the classifieds but with a therapist you locate through your doctor or clinic. The next best is for you to get some counselling so that whatever you do, or not do, is with your eyes wide open.

Among my patients are women who have simply given up and sexual automata the rest of their lives, others who had an affair and settled back, others who have had affairs after affair for a long time and others who have found a like-minded women and had a same sex affair. Some of these have "worked" and some have caused family breakups. Only you can find an answer for you and there are people who can assist you in weighing the risks and benefits.

[fenceguy]

I think I agree with Brandye.............Everything could change...........for the worse after one night of mistaken passion......It's a hard call.

[?wiseman?]

Hi Susan,
You have to ask yourself a few questions before you can really decide your course-
1. Is it really a desire to be with another man? or
2. After 18-yrs does it just seem like the same old thing? and
3. What happens if you have a truly orgasmic experience with another partner?

You don't say whether sex with your husband is good or bad? I can tell you, after 20+ years of marriage, that there are sexual peaks and valleys. I can honestly say, however, that I've never considered being with another woman. Fantasies- yes, action- no. So I took it upon myself to introduce new things (games, toys, etc.) so the same old thing became new enlightenment and pleasure.

Assuming that there are no other issues with your sex life, before you go to a counselor or find a surrogate, introduce some new pleasures into your lovemaking. In your specific case, I would suggest an evening of role playing- with your husband playing the role of someone quite unlike the person that he really is. Best of luck to you both . . .

[karezza corvus]

When we had been together for about 10 years, we experimented with a 3 way with a close friend we both trusted alot. The sex was great for a short time. But out of bed I felt like a servant to 2 men instead of just 1. And I felt terrible for our friend when he'd be going home Sunday night to be lone after a weekend with us. I ended it after a month with our friend's agreement.
My husband was very angry that I ended it and for a while kept trying to get me to do another 3-way with strangers, which I refused.
But we're still close to our friend & it will always be something special that we shared. However I do not recommend it.

[corkscrew]

Hi Susan, I do not recommend it, I agree with Brandye. The emotional connection and complications could be devastating to your marriage. He may be ok with it now, but afterwards could be different. Why ruin a great marriage over one night?

Again, like Brandye said, try counselling, make romantic getaways with your husband.

I've just known people in the past that have deeply regretted it. Good luck.

[WallyLlama]

Yellow lights and red lights flashing all over the place.

Risk and reward, risk and reward.

Already taken some risks... I wonder how hubby really felt when he heard you think you missed out on something. It would not have been one of my best days if I'd heard it.

In fact, it might actually get me to wondering... maybe I missed out on something too... hmmmm....

[ua322]

Hey Susan:

Where do I apply?