I need advice PLEASE!!

[bman20]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I am in desperate need of help. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and we are madly in love. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Unfortunetely, about a year ago I cheated on her when I went to the beach with my friends. I was really drunk and I had sex with this girl, my head was not on straight, I sincerely regret doing this and it kills me all the time thinking about it. I honestly have been living a lie for a long time now, but my girlfriend does not know. She is happy and so am I, because we are together. Today she found out that it had happened. I know that if I admit to it I will lose the one that I am desperately in love with. If i continue to lie, then i will continue to have her and we both can be together. What should I do. I am in the worst position possible. I love her so much and I have been 100% faithful since that day. I regret what I have done with every last piece of my heart and I work so hard to make sure nothing similar ever happens like that again. SO what should i do, please help me!

[icysnow]

You should tell her but not straight out...instead of saying,"I cheated on you". Say something like,"I'm sorry I have something to tell you...I regreted it and I'm faithful enough to admit it....blah". Yeah say something like that....
-Krysten

[bman20]

she found out today that it happened.. I could easily turn the story around and say it didnt happen and we could continue our relationship...or i could tell her the truth and never see her again and be miserable... what should i do?

[icysnow]

well that's different...
How did she find out?

[bman20]

somebody told her that it happened..not the actually girl but just someone who thinks they know what happened.

[icysnow]

well, I guess if you wanna live a lie you could just say the girl was lying and continue being with her but I don't recommend it...yeah, your choice...

[bman20]

Please people, i really could use some extra advice

[Lass]

Honesty and trust.

Those are the two most important things in a relationship...or at least those are the most important to me. If I had been you I would have told her the second I got back from the tip. She would have been mad--understandably mad--but you would have been up front with her and she would have realized you were genuily regrettable and were not only man enough to admit it, but you loved her enough not to want a secret that huge between the two of you.

I'm not judging you... as a woman I'm trying not too...but you choose the path of lying to the woman you love. That's not the best path to walk my friend. It's the worst. If my boyfriend slept with another girl while under the influence, I would be pissed. But I wouldn't be so pissed to find out about it right after it happened then a year later.

If you want to continue to lie to the woman you love, then lie. All I'm saying is nothing good will come of it. Either the truth will come out one day or the secret will fester and live with you...can you honestly be truly happy knowing that every time you look into her eyes and see love and trust, that you've lied to her?

My advice...tell her. But don't come right out and say it. Say, "Baby, I have something to tell you. It happened a year ago, and I regret it with all my heart, but it happened. I thought in keeping the lie I could protect you but I realize now I'm only hurting you...." Then lead her through the events of that night and hopefully you have one understanding woman.

I do have a question...when this other person told her it had happened, did she confront you about it?

[Lass]

And as a side note...I know what its like not to want to lose the one you love. It's an insecurity fear I live with every day of my own relationship.

And perhaps in a way if my guy did sleep with another girl, I wouldn't want to know...but I think the larger part of me would. Because then the wound is open and you can try to patch it back up.

[bman20]

hey thanks that was some great advice.. I know i sound like a creep, but you have no idea how much i regret what I have done... the more I lied about it and the more days that went by, the harder it was to admit to it... I was at the point with this lie that i started to believe that I did not do it... I want to protect her so much and not hurt her and I 100% from then have been faithful. I realized that she is too perfect to risk losing... I right now feel sick to my stomach that she found out and I honestly in the worst situation of my life... I am very insecure as well... and if she did the same thing to me that I did to her, i would hate to find out, especially if she regretted what she did and is sincerely changed because of it.