I need advice PLEASE!!

[Lass]

I feel for you, I really do.

But at the end of the day, only you can decide what you're going to tell her. Sometimes the truth is worth then a lie...I know I've lied to friends because the truth would have hurt them more. Perhaps the truth would have been better, but at the time the lie seemed easier for them to live with.

It could go either way, and I wish you the best of luck.

[The1stTriSexual]

Soo,,you cheated some time ago, feel bad for doing it and for lying to her all this time about it, and your solution now is to lie to her some more? I think its time you become honest with her, and work towards earning her trust back.

[Rosie]

I'm sorry but I can't believe your even contimplating NOT telling her, you took the gamble of hurting her when u slept with that girl. if my guy didn't tell me and i found out about it from someone else.....mmmannn there would b hell to pay. yeh yeh you are really sorry i am not doubting that you rnt, BUT it is her u should be saying this too, not a bunch of strangers on a message board!!!! you did the deed, u now have to deal with it's consequences. You can't have your cake and eat it to, it is NOT fair to her! grow some balls and tell the truth it will be a load off ur mind and she can decided if u r worth forgiving.

good luck.

[bman20]

i look for help on a forum because it is easy to talk about things instead of sitting in my room all day feeling like i am going to throw up... How could you be so inconsiderate to someone who is in shambles right now.. I have no eaten in two days, i feel like puking all day, i am not exercising like I normally do, I am ignoring my studies and my assignements. and all you can do is be so cold and make me feel like ****.. You dont understand that i am away at school right now and she is not... I have been more than faithful to her while I am at school.. And you know what.. I am a weak person, i am young, I am not even in my 20's... I have not been exposed to life and life isnt as cut and dry as you think it is, so cut me a ****ing break. .. I made the worst mistake of my life a year ago and I cannot even man up to the fact that I did it... would you honestly be happy and live a lie or be completely miserable and to the point where you cannot function, and know the truth.. Because sure everyone would say that they need to be honest and know the truth, but it is not that easy. It really isnt.. I am not a pig, i am not a creep, i am young and i made a mistake.. I worked hard every god damn day of my college career and the truth is that i am kicking ass...but right now, i am failing because in my head all i wanted to do was be successful and take care of the women i love to death and now it all seems worhtless.. i dont know what to do anymore.

[Batman8502]

I think you need to tell her. If you love her you shouldn't lie to her everyday. True, you risk losing her and that will hurt like hell. But it'll be the right thing to do. Additionally, you might not lose her, she could just get mad but then you two could work past it and have a good relationship built on trust. And if you need extra motivation to tell, if she finds out for certain that you did and you didn't tell her you'll never see her again.

[Lonewolf*]

Definitly tell her.
Everyone makes mistakes. Obviously you are going to hurt her, but you're going to hurt her either way. Even if you say it was a lie there will always be that doubt in her mind. Hopefully you two can work it out. Try explaining everything. Really. Theres no other way.

[neverdiplomatic]

Let me tell you something. I have been cheated on more than once by different men, and what pissed me off even more than the cheating was the lying about it. The knowledge that other people knew and have been pitying or laughing at you is even more salt to rub in the wound. If my most recent ex had not waited almost a year to admit it, or had told me without me finding out via other unpleasant means, I would have definitely given him a chance to earn my trust back.
If you truly love and respect this girl you will tell her.

[Lass]

1) You need to take care of yourself. Women know when something is wrong with the men they love, and if she realizes you're not being yourself, she's going to wonder man.

2) I know I've straddled the line on weather to tell her not...telling you what can and couldn't happen if you did or didn't...I hate men who cheaet, I hate them with a passion, but I do believe you didn't mean to hurt her. But I have one piece of advice for you.

When my ex broke my heart not by cheatin gon me but by breaking my trust, I had to know everything. Every lie, everything...and it hurt like Hell. Some people whne they go through something have to feel every pain from it...even if it gets to the oint of almost killing them. I have to be brought down to my lowest emotional level and then work my way back up all on my own...its not even been a year since I learned about the trust breaking, and I did this. I let myself hate him, I let myself feel like Hell...and now I don't hate him, I don't forgive him, but I could call him friend if I wanted to.

Tell her. And when you do tell her how much you love her and how you regret it...if she lets you hold her for hours...if not then calmly tell her you'll give her her space to think and decide what to do and walk away. After a few days or what not call her and ask her if she'd like to talk. Let HER do all the decision making...just let her know what you'd like and that you loved her and want to earn her trust back.

Good luck.

[ShadowLynnParker]

If you are in a relationship you just can't do this.

[WallyLlama]

I would add...

You got drunk and cheated on your girlfriend. You apparently are (or were) considering lying to her to conceal that fact.

I'm not sure that earns you the right to cuss out people who point out what you did and expect you to make it right.

Either fix the problem or don't. Pity and support are different things... it's starting to sound like you want people to feel sorry for you. You made a mistake... you can beat yourself up for it and you can feel sorry for yourself. Or you can take a deep breath and attempt to fix it.

Yes, you are in a difficult spot, but who put you there? Guess what? Your girlfiend is in a difficult spot, too. It's a lot easier to forgive a mistake than it is to overlook a lie. Give her the opportunity and get out of the funk you put yourself in, because in the long run you'll find it a lot harder to live with the lie than to face the consequences of your decisions.