Sex life becoming boring

[no_socks_in_bed]

Ok, hi everyone, new to this... but i joined because i need help.
so i've been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now and we are very serious, although it is very hard on us because i am a sophomore in college and he's an electrician 45 minutes away from my school.

so heres a couple questions or statements i guess for someone to help me understand....

-we are the happiest couple in the world together, we like to say we're "retarded for each other"... but thats only when we've been together everyday or seen each other everyday and/or are in person... when i am at school however, we argue non-stop, like screaming contests in a non-fun way.... i swear i could never picture my life without him, he is my soul mate... we just don't work well when far away from each other. Anyone have any help with that?

next...
-so, as i said, we've been dating for 2 1/2 years and are serious, but lately, i just don't feel in the mood for sex, and i feel like i only get into with him because he wants it... and i want him to be happy. once going i'm happy and everything and enjoying it, but i just cant work myself up to it and i told him how i feel and he just got really frusterated and doesn't know what to do. we talked and he got upset that he doesn't know what to do and that he feels he doesn't know how to make me happy and be good enough... i hate being the bad guy so i said to him no no, don't worry about it... and we haven't talked about it since.... help me, what can we do... i feel our sex life becoming boring.

i greatly appreciate feed back!

[starrystarrygirl]

maybe try changing it up? like in new places, positions or maybe ya'll could try anal, if that interests the two of you. if that doesn't work, perhaps you could just stop having sex for a little while, and instead you could do some foreplay. not sure how well that would work though, but it's worth a try!

[no_socks_in_bed]

yeh.... anal in our view is an "exit only" thing... not our cup of tea.... its weird he gets all axious and mad at me when we try to stop for a little... it frusterates me because i feel i don't do enough for him and he gets frusterated because i don't know what to tell him when he asks me how he can help me because i don't know

do you think that because i'm so worked up lately about making him happy and pleased that its taking away from me being able to enjoy as much as i should?

[starrystarrygirl]

possibly. you could be focusing too much on making him happy and not just enjoying it.

[dancingdoc2]

> when i am at school however, we argue non-stop, like screaming contests in a non-fun way.... i swear i could never picture my life without him, he is my soul mate... we just don't work well when far away from each other. Anyone have any help with that?

Yes. Learn to talk and discuss and not argue and fight. You need to develop coping skills. This is also a demeaning way, only that you have some growing to do as individuals.

Your statement is a contradiction in that you say you could never picture your life without him, yet, you choose to participate in arguing and screaming matches. Does this mean you condone this behavior?

> but lately, i just don't feel in the mood for sex, and i feel like i only get into with him because he wants it... and i want him to be happy. once going i'm happy and everything and enjoying it, but i just cant work myself up to it and i told him how i feel and he just got really frusterated and doesn't know what to do.

There may be any number of causes, for example:

* Stress due to schoolwork and activities
* Time constraints due to school and work
* Lack of sleep or rest
* Underlying discord between you
(It has been said that when a relationship is working, sex is 10% of the relationship; yet when the relationship is not working smoothly, sex is 90% of the problem.)

* You might find it beneficial to look at your relationship and interactions with each other.

> we talked and he got upset that he doesn't know what to do and that he feels he doesn't know how to make me happy and be good enough....

There may two issues to look at. The first is the "how to" of sex and the second is the "how to" of romance. If the sex is OK once it is underway then perhaps the problem is with how the two of you interact and relate to one another and handle daily stresses and all the other matters that involve the two of you. If you cannot manage these aspects of your relationship then I can understand how you would not be interested in sex.

My suggestions are:

* to look at the stress in your life and see what can be done to eliminate or manage it
* when the two of you are together--date.
+ Make him plan and execute the activity
+ Once in a while you can take him on a date
Whatever the two of you do on these occasions, make it a real date, just don't go do something within the framework of "tagging along together".

If there is not real stress or external forces working against you and your relationship, then encourage him to romance you, first, prior to and as a necessary preliminary to fooling around and making love. If there is no romance, just the getting it on of sex, then what fun is there in that after awhile?

Maintaining a healthy relationship takes two and the two of you have to work at it. It does not just happen. So, if life is dull, it behooves both of you to find a spark. All too often a guy will be happy in an unhappy situation and fail to realize or understand that if "Mama is unhappy, everyone is unhappy". It sounds to me as if your guy does recognize that there is a problem yet just does not have the knowlege or skills to make matters better. Perhaps these suggestions will help.


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