Wife's weight

[wanderingeye]

I've been married for 12 years and I'm finding that this length of time, combined with my wife's weight, are starting to dampen my sex drive to where I'm only in the mood once every other weekend. There are other factors involved (stress, fatigue, young child, etc.) but I feel like I would be more motivated and lustful if my wife were in better shape.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want it to sound like she's a fat slob or anything. But she has a bit of a gut, and I find it somewhat of a turnoff, particularly when I happen to catch a glance of her from the side and her posture accentuates it. This, in turn, makes me feel somewhat resentful, especially when I'm innundated by the legions of sexy, flat-stomached women on TV, magazines, and of course the real ones in the mall, office, etc. And these are not necessarily younger women, many of them have really hot bodies and flat-stomachs, even with several kids.

I've never cheated and never will on moral/religious grounds. But I find myself turned on when I'm not at home, but not at home.

[Tessie]

Sheesh! I think I saw this topic on Oprah. Your poor wife being compared with other women that are famous and on TV because she has a bit of a gut. Stop being so superficial and get to what the real problem is. I am an overweight woman and I have always been considered highly desirable because the men in my life make me feel like I am so I am. What are you doing to make her feel wanted and desirable by you?

[Tessie]

oops double post

[oberon]

I'm also a little curious... because in my experience men tend to gain weigh during long relationships too... how has YOUR appearance changed in the last 12 years? You haven't put on any pounds??

[WallyLlama]

Focus, perspective, obsession... all good words.

This is probably not about body weight/size. You yourself have hinted at several additional issues... I'm willing to bet that at least part of what is going here is this: you see your wife's current weight as an indication that she doesn't care about you and she doesn't care about herself.

Most men are visually stimulated, not too many will argue that point... so I wouldn't engage in a lot of self-condemnation over checking out the "hotties." Although I might add that you might make sure doing so isn't an indication that you don't care about your wife and only care about yourself.

Starting to see the pattern here? "Sex drive" is about a whole lot more than flat tummies. I have a very simple suggestion: stop worrying about "lusting" after your wife and try making love to her.

Or love her enough to have a couple of chats with her about your relationship, not her tummy.

[ShadowLynnParker]

You can't tell me that you fel in love with her twelve years ago for her body? You love her and the person inside. Weight comes and goes but love should be forever.