Sex sites?????

[Jenna7]

I have been in a realationship for three years now. We have had the usual problems but never has sex been the issue. Our sex life is great and I always tell him what a wonderful lover he is and how much I am attracted to him. We don not live together but that is a mutual decision. Months ago I was on his computer and noticed that he was looking for free porn. When I asked him, he denied it. I found this strange since I have a collection of movies myself but he never seemed that interested. The next time I went over to his house I gave him one of my movies. I understand that men do this, so I let it go.
Two weeks ago I came across a profile page from one of those sites where I guess people meet to have sex. I noticed that he had filled it out and knew it was him by his birthdate being there. Needless to say I confronted him and asked him to explain why he is doing this. Of course he denied it, I mean what did I expect for him to tell me the truth. I had two choices , one was to leave *and the other was to sit back and see what happens.
I found his profile on the site and was shocked at what he wrote. He said he needed sex and was very horny. No relationships please just sex, I could go on but you get the point.
Again, our sex life is great, I work hard a making it exciting and I know he cant fake the desire he has for me. Never have I felt like he was not into me. So now I am thinking is he really going to meet some stranger and then come back to me? He knows I saw the profile and he knows I figure stuff out pretty easily.
He is very loving and always wants me around, more that I need actually. When I talk to him I get so confused , hes just the guy I love.
So here I go , I make up some profiles on that site and I contact him. He replies and says no problem to meet. But when I ask him where he never responds. One of my profiles talks about threesomes, he says hes interested but doesnt respond back after a few times. He tells the girls (me) that he is getting turned on and I havent even said anything that sexual.
Now that I have twisted this thing into one huge mess, I dont know what to do. He hasnt contacted any of the girls , but I notice that he checks the site (dont ask how I just know)
The only girls who contacted him was me, no one else.
Now I dont know what to do. I wanted to see if he was actually going to meet someone from there. If I keep writing him I feel like I am luring him into it. When I ( profiles ) suggest meeting he doesnt say anything.
To my surprise this whole thing is turning me on a little. I have stepped it up in the bedroom, bringing over movies about threesomes ( not thinking it was possible ) sex has gotten much more intense. I even go as far to say I will try the threesome thing! I can see him looking at me strangely wondering what is going on. He goes along with it and is getting turned on along with me but says he doesnt need this because I am all he needs, yeah yeah. If I never found out about all this I would believe him. He has never given any sign of being unhappy with me.
Now I have gotten into this mess and everything seems really weird.
Can someone give me a clue as to why men do this? I know everyone is different but maybe it will help. With a sex life like ours, is he really horny for more? If he wants to screw around then he should leave. When I bring up any conversations on ending the realationship he only reassures me that he loves me and he is very happy. We are together all the time and he is always around when I need him.
I guess I should say that I am a very attractive, successful woman. Its simple, I dont need him for anything but his love and now that seems messed up.
Sorry for going on but I am just trying to figure this out and maybe never will.

[clare33]

That is rough. My boyfriend and I had a sort of similar situation, except the roles were reversed. You have to talk with him about it. You have to tell him that you know everything, that there is no point denying it. It's going to be painful. And he needs to gain back your trust. It's not going to be easy. It will take a long time. There will be bumps in the road. But it sounds like you guys really love eachother, and in that case, it can be worth it.

[Brandye]

Twenty years or so ago there was a popular song about each member of a couple responding to personal ads. Drinking pina coladas and walking in the rian were part of it. Of course, they ended up meeting each other. Get a recording of it, someone here will remember, and play it for him. Then you can talk with some common ground.

I am usually quick to say dump the guy. Your descritpion, however, is one of a toothless tiger. He wants to play the meeting game with no follow-through. Discuss it or walk away from it.

[canoestripper]

LOL Brandye, this IS a similar situation...

Ahhh....That would be Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes, and if you're interested, the words are here: LINK

...and thanks for getting it started in my head

[j56h]

Is it possible that you have given this guy such good sex, that he is now constantly thinking about it, craving it? Maybe when you are not around, he continues to think about sex and as an outlet (instead of going and picking up some other woman) he fantasizes by posting his profile and "talking" to other women who are only interested in sex and nothing more serious. The guy posts his profile, waits for a response, then doesn't follow-up on setting up a meeting because he really only wants YOU!

I, myself am happily married, with a great sex-life, but I still enjoy viewing some porn. It doesn't mean that I love my wife any less, it's just something that I will do when she's not around. Usually when she returns, I'm even more horney for HER, not the bimbos in the pornos.

Your situation may be harmless. If you do confront him on it, I wouldn't tell him that you set him up. Just let him know that you are aware of what he's been doing and that you do not necessarily approve, or dissapprove. Then explain that you are willing to tolerate some playful "fantasizing" on his part as long as he can promise that he'll never compromise your trust by actually going through with meeting one of these women.

If after presenting your feelings that way, he continues to deny that he does this, then I'd worry about how comitted he is to you. At that point you might want to "bait" him with your made-up profiles to see if he is actually not worthy of your attention anymore. But be careful, all guys have a breaking point where their curiosity would get the better of them, so don't over do it with the entrapment deal.

Good luck, I hope it turns out that he's just trying to have a little fun, and nothing more than that.

[iamawesum69420]

You need to talk to him about it. I know it will be hard because trust will probably be an issue in the future but you can't go on with a relationship like this. He needs to know the truth and you also need truthful answers from him. The best way to do this is to just get everything out in the open. Tell him everything you did, about the profiles, everything. If you don't talk to him about this it's just going to keep getting worse and worse.