Am I Right or Barking up the Wrong tree

[zippytdewda]

This week we will have been married 22 years--not always perfect, sometimes pretty rocky. Seven years ago I caught her cheating with somone elses husband (went on for over a year and a half--started counseling--still saw him in secret for a while--eventually ended abruptly when I confronted him and his wife in a public place). Life went on and we settled into a pretty boring routine on both sides. Frankly, I can't trust her but I operate on blind faith.
Last week I installed a program on the computer to check on my 13 year old daughters' internet behavior and I find an "secret Yahoo account" that my wife has. I sign on to it and find back and forth messages to just one person, a guy ten years younger and someone I met last year (one of these 'life of the party' guys at a july 4th thing) Nothing in the emails really "said" anything, just things like 'lets get together for a drink" etc., but I noticed references to a rock band in some messages and realized that the bands name was also part of her password plus (I find out later-his birthday)
I lose it, go to the garage, get two suitcases, wake her up and tell her shes busted, to pack her stuff and take her ass over to **** house. She says "just a friend, nothing going on, someone to talk too,etc. The screaming match goes on for hours and I finally just go to bed and she stays.
Next morning, she says she has to go shopping and leaves.
I jump on the computer and see she has written this guy and says "meet me a (restaurant) at 10:30.
I jump in the car and drive to the parking lot--her car is there---Now, I know my limits, I only have accusations and I realize that if I walk in the restaurant, I will end up whipping someones ass pretty badly, so I just sit and wait for her to leave. About an hour later out she comes with ****. He gets in his car and pulls up next to hers, gets out and ahe gives him somthing she bought for him. No hugs, no embraces--(did they know I was in the parking lot??) or am I just seeing two friends giving each other the 'heads-up'.He drives off before I can get close enough but she sees my car and I pull up next to her. Pretty confused look but still maintains nothing is/was 'going on'.
Rest of the day was assurances that they are just friends,period. That saying that she was going one place and really going another (meet for a drink, etc,, help him with his apartment) was because "I would mis understand a platonic friendship.
That night we had sex (for the first time in who knows how many months---long time) and here she has had all her pubic hair shaved off. Her explanation: "everyone is doing it". As to having sex with her 'friend' or anyone else: "He is not even interested in a 50 year old woman"----we are just friends.
Ok, here is my dilemma-----shit don't look good on my end here and although its possible to have "friends"--way to much deceit is going on here. One other thing that really intrigues me is that if this **** guy is a friend, why is this friend letting her twist in the wind and not come to her defense?
FRiends look out for friends.
My friends,both male and female, are split on this situation--believe what she says or she is up to it again. They know me and some know her also.
I need opinions here, especially from those who have been
there on the fence before I get **** side of the story.
Thanks to any one who can offer assistance

[Luvs2plzU]

Same story happened to me about 8 years ago..married 16yrs and that same crap started... 3 kids that were like 11,13,15..I figured no way I could leave because of the kids..well last year(23yrs marriage)..the youngest being 18 I pulled the pin after marriage/family counselling brought me to the point that I had run out of gas...the kids told me that they knew things were wrong 8yrs ago..thru the family counselling they found out what had been going on and told me that I should have pulled the pin back then..I had turned into a workaholic so that I wouldn't have to go home and deal with what I knew...nothing will change my friend..TRUST is the biggest thing to lose in a relationship..for the rest of your life while you are with her,you will ALWAYS have a little nagging trust issue..it will always simmer in there...people can say what they want about being able to deal with...TRUST is everything...get a lawyer and get some good advice before you dump her...get the game plan in action NOW...you don't have to do anything immediately,,but have a real good plan so that you can execute it with precision when the time comes..cut the rope,you'll need some counselling help and sure as heck she needs some also..cuz something is totally missing in her life also, but life is short...I can't believe how much I love life NOT being there now!!...my youngest moved in with me this summer,my other 2 are working out of town,but live with me when they come into town..they still visit their mother as they should...

[zippytdewda]

Thanks for the input---yeh, trust, betrayal and disrespect have got to be the three worst things one person can do to another----still weighing options and yours is one I have considered already--------- thanks