Happy Relationship Paranoia

[Emmy]

Boy and I have been dating just over six months, and it's been absolutely perfect. We have known each other for three years, and he is easily the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Thing is however, is we both seem to suffer pangs of 'Happy Relationship Paranoia'. I can't really speak for him specifically, but I feel so incredibly happy to be with him, and I worry incessantly that something is going to happen to us. We've talked about it, and we both seem to feel it, even though we both reassure each other nothing will happen.

Any tips? How can I get rid of this feeling? It's completely unfounded because he has been nothing but utterly devoted and perfect since the day we met.

[Brandye]

Honey,

We all, men and women, wonder why such a wonderful thing is happening to us and fearing that it cannot last. Sometimes it does; sometimes something gets in the way. Enjoy.

[Tessie]

I understand what your feeling Emmy. I met the love of my life 7 months ago. It has been one amazing day after another. In 3 months we move in together. I have never in my life known this kind of love or happiness. So, yeah I have this little fear in me that it will all vanish and I will wake up and realize it was all a dream.

Like Brandye said you have to enjoy it. Trust your happiness and don't let those doubts creep in. In time I think the fear lessons as you grow more secure in your love.

[WallyLlama]

It's too good to be true! This can't be happening!

If I had a dime for everytime Lori or I have said that...

I think the biggest hazard around it is that you start to question yourself, what you might be missing... even to the point of wondering if you are being reality based.

I do think at some point you do realize that not everything can be perfect all the time. One thing that seems to have helped us to to nail it down in a sense. For us, we've come to the conclusion that our love is perfect. Expressing it, living with it... well, there are bumps.

I'd offer what we came up with... our relationship is not based on perfection. It is based on love. That eliminates the paranoia for us... because we can screw something up (and have, BTW) and our love remains intact.

It's not wrong to be perfectly happy, but it is also important to design your relationship so it works during times of anger, frustration, sadness... if you know it will do that, there will be no reason to be paranoid.

Make sense?

[Tessie]

Well said Wally!

[Dogman]

Don't let your doubts rule you, just go for it!!

[Emmy]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (WallyLlama @ Nov. 23 2005,09:32)]I do think at some point you do realize that not everything can be perfect all the time. One thing that seems to have helped us to to nail it down in a sense. For us, we've come to the conclusion that our love is perfect. Expressing it, living with it... well, there are bumps.

I'd offer what we came up with... our relationship is not based on perfection. It is based on love. That eliminates the paranoia for us... because we can screw something up (and have, BTW) and our love remains intact.

Thanks for all that, everyone.

I don't think I phrased myself correctly in my first post. Like you said Wally, the relationship has to work "for richer or poorer". And it certainly does. Though we've never had a serious argument, i'm confident that if we did, our relationship wouldn't falter. He's also a perfect shoulder to cry on, and all that sort of thing.

It's not the imperfection i'm afraid of. It's more the idea that one morning he'll wake up and simply 'be over it'. I have absolutely no basis for this fear, and he is utterly devoted and loving, but I can't get over it.

Seven months in, and i'm so afraid of losing him it hurts.

[WallyLlama]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Emmy @ Dec. 08 2005,05:42)]...It's not the imperfection i'm afraid of. *It's more the idea that one morning he'll wake up and simply 'be over it'. *I have absolutely no basis for this fear, and he is utterly devoted and loving, but I can't get over it.

Seven months in, and i'm so afraid of losing him it hurts.

Embrace the fear.

One thing I have learned is that loving hard does make you vulnerable. Allowing yourself that vulnerability in some ways "proves" the depth of your love.

To love someone so much that the thought of losing her (or him) is terrifying is not necessarily an indicatation that there is something wrong with you. I does not mean "insecurity" in the usual sense of the word.

My love completes me. I'd be lost without her... no, I don't live my life in fear, I live my life in love, accepting the fear as part of the love.

If you "get over it" it might mean you are less in love.

Just don't let the fear rule you or the relationship. Let the love do that.

[Emmy]

Thanks, Wally. I think that was the sort of reply I was looking for.

I know he's not going to suddenly stop loving me, but it's the though that he might. That bit of advice from you has gone a long way in stopping those thoughts.