Need to spice it up

[th1029]

I have been with the same guy for 6 years. We have 2 children, and have recently gotten married. We had a great sex life at the very beginning. And over time it got few and far between. Now, for some odd reason, I am hornier than ever. Seriously, I wish we could do it all the time. But our sex life is so boring. We always have sex at the same time, in the same place, and it always goes the same way. I've tried different things, and nothing is working. Usually I can't even get him in the mood. I have toys and things, that I resort to sometimes. But I love having sex with him so much, that I really want the real thing. How can I get him in the mood to want me more, and make it more exciting?

[-Ace-]

First off, have you talked about it with him, and if so, what was his response?

Secondly, is it possible that he is suffering from any sort of medical condition, stress, or fatigue? Once those are ruled out, then other factors come into play.

[th1029]

Thanks for the response. I've asked a few times, and brought it up in conversation before. He always has a headache or is too tired. Or just doesn't want to. It hurts my feelings sometimes. I just feel unattractive, or unsexy. Most guys WANT their wives/girlfriends any way they can get them!

[-Ace-]

Yup..count me as one of those who really wishes my wife's drive was higher and that she was more adventurous in the bedroom! lol

How certain are you that he indeed has a headache or is too tired? I can think of many possibilities but a little more background would be helpful to anyone attempting to suggest something.

[th1029]

I guess I don't really know for sure, whether he is too tired, or has a headache. But the only time we ever have sex is at night before we go to sleep. He won't do it at any other time because he hasn't showered yet. He always showers before bed. He gets really dirty from his job. So the only time it comes up is at like 10:00 when he has showered, the kids are in bed, and we are laying down to watch the news. I am more spontaneous than that. I would like to do it in the morning or the middle of the night sometimes, or in the kitchen, or in the car. But whenever I initiate it at these times or in these places, I get shot down. And I guess my biggest problem with this whole ordeal is the fact that is a major shot to my ego. I would love to feel wanted. Women love to feel loved, appreciated, hot, sexy... Have you ever seen your wife in a shirt, or something where you went "God, she looks hot!" Or just wanted her so bad it hurt. I have feelings like that for my husband, where I will just think, "I want him right now!". But that feeling never seems recipricated. I would love to be taken by surprise. Come up behind me and kiss my neck or something along those lines. Just to have a feeling that I stirred something up in him, that had positive consequences. You know what I mean?

[netguy01]

Have you tried talking.

[Starbuck]

Try shaving your pussy etc and getting some sexy undies (Fredricks of hollywood) . give him *a show . get a xxx movie for you both to see. get in the shower with him and do oral on him there or in front of a mirror so he can watch. I have tons of Ideas. -Mike *

[dancingdoc2]

And in addition to what Mike just said, make arrangements with family or friends to ship the kids off for the night. When he comes home escourt him to the shower and do whatever. Better, would be to draw a hot bath and soak with him in the tub for half an hour so that he can relax, then take a shower. Do not use a wash cloth. Soap your hands and let them wander where they will. Once both of you are clean, then rinse off and pat him dry with a warm towel. Keep the lights low or use candles.

Plan to have dinner in (bed). Pick up some KFC or a pizza and eat it in bed.

To further relax him after his daily grind, give him a massage. As the full body massage ends, transition to an erotic massage and continue on to arouse his ardor and passion.

Make the evening about "us" with an emphasis on him and make sure he knows both aspects. He will undoubtedly want to know what's up so just tell him how much you love him, that your love for him is driving you wild with passion and you want him to experience it, too. If he balks, then hit the boy upside the head and tell him that your sex life has become routine and needs some spicing up in no uncertain terms and that this is one way you plan to rekindle interest and passion. You may have to do this again a second time. Nothing wrong with that either, unless on the third time he fails to pick you up and race into the bedroom or elsewhere on his own volition. Also, understand that he may put up some objections so be prepared to hush them and to encourage him to enjoy the "ride".

If he won't be in the mood after a bath, hands-on shower, and massage and now with one hand on his penis and the other elsewhere, I don't know what will. Maybe marriage counseling is called for in order to give him a "heads up".

I remember one story of a woman whose husband was deeply in love yet with three kids running around there just didn't seem to be room for fun and frolic. Her solution was to take some pocket money and through it out on the lawn and to tell the kids how much was out there and not to come inside until they found every last cent; moreover, they had to stay outside and not disturb mom and dad for at least an hour!

[nursefluffykins]

th1029 im in a somewhat similar situation, and was just rambling on about it in another post... but reading what u wrote gave me some additionnal perspective... you summed up my feelings exactly.. i want my bf so bad sometimes, that its really hurtful that he doesnt ever seem to want me back in that same way.. and i dont mean just being horny, but in the all round physical-emotional-spiritual kind of way... and ive gotten the "i feel disgusting when i just woke up" excuse too ...well i call it an excuse but i guess to him its really the way he feels i dunno....

to all the people offering advice, i dunno how Th1029 feels, but personnally i dont see eating kfc in bed or sexy underwear as a solution, or erotic massages and things like that... if i went to the effort of doing something "Extra special" and it didnt interest him it would make me feel even worse about myself... marriage counseling may be a tad too advanced at this stage of the game, well for me anyway... the answer probably lies somewhere in between... like i mentioned in a previous post i do need to talk to my bf, just working on the details of how / when...
... and i already shave my pussy so i dont think that will help either :P

[dancingdoc2]

You've probably all heard the adage that when a relationship is going well, sex is only 10% of it, although when there is trouble in a relationship, sex is 90% of the problem. The other saying that comes to mind is that "when Mama is unhappy, ain't nobody happy".

Seems to me that if you cannot get his interest in the morning when he is clean, relaxed, and possibly even exhibiting a morning erection (or even if not) then there is trouble in the relationship and he needs to be made aware of it. Have you actually tried to initiate sex in the morning by being the active partner and trying to seduce him and get things rolling, or did things just stop with the question/suggestion? If you have not adopted the active roll, I would certainly give it a try. He may stop you and if so I'd want to know "what now" if I were you. On the other hand, if he doesn't particularly stop you but doesn't get with the program soon after you begin then I believe either way there is trouble in the relationship that really needs to be examined in counseling.

As for taking the active roll in the morning, I would suggest beginning with a Quickie whether he has a morning erection or not. Starting here is the quickest surest way to begin turning him on. At the same time you can begin kissing him being aware that anything too erotic on the mouth may be tinged by "morning breath", so you might want to keep mouths closed and plant more romantic kisses elsewhere.

An alternative to getting things rolling is to wake him up (again, before the kids are up) by caressing him and fondling his genitals. Regardless of the approach, if a guy cannot respond or is unwilling to respond to a Quickie, then there is a definite problem that needs to be addressed and I would urge that the two of you seek counseling. This is especially true if he puts a stop to what you are doing and won't participate willingly. That said, do not stop your caressing and fondling until he actually puts a hault to the proceedings.

If you have a guy by the balls, kneeding the scrotum, and are fingering the glans of his penis with wet fingers or palm and he is "fighting"/resisting you then there are big problems of which sex is only the outward manifestation of. The way guys are wired makes it a priority to figure out how best to get laid and how best to get our gal into bed. That he is not is your wake up call that you two need help. The professional may wish to talk to each of you together as well as individually; if he refuses to go to counseling, then you go, regardless. Talk to more than one therapist and find one you are comfortable with before involving him.

Guys typically clam up and won't talk to their partners or a therapist so understand that you have a fragile male ego to contend with. A good therapist can get past this resistance and reticence and this is another reason for seeking help.

One last thing: Because he wants to bathe and get presentable before doing anything else, have you tried showering with him and bathing him? If not, use only soap and your hands. Wash everywhere saving his genitals for the very end and when you wash them, continue by transitioning to a Quickie and do not take no for an answer until he actually puts a stop to it. When he does, do not ask why, just get up, get out, and leave the room. You do not need to ask because he will either not tell the truth or offer any meaningful explanation. That he stops what you are trying to start is answer enough.

I hope this is of help.