Wife sleeps too much

[j56h]

I'm recently married and now that I'm living with my Wife, I've found that she prefers to go to bed very early (by my standards). At first it was OK with me because bedtime usually meant sex time, but after the honeymoon wore off now I find myself wondering why she wants to sleep so much. She gets home from work around 4:30 usually prepares dinner and we're done eating by around 6:30. By 7:30 she's in her PJ's and lays down to watch TV in bedroom. It's tough for me to keep her awake more than another hour. I'm dying of boredom. I'm used to staying up at least til 11:30. If we want to have sex, we have to start at like 7:00. It's tough because there is usually too much commotion that early. I'd be much happier starting a sex session at 9:30 to 10:00 and finishing up in time to catch the 11 o'clock news. Any ideas on why she'd have this habit and how to break her of it? By the way, she is a early riser, usually out of bed by 6:00 at the latest.

[WallyLlama]

If I'm following this... she's sleeping from 8 PM until 6 PM. That's twelve hours every night. MOST people average closer to 7 or 8. Get her to the doctor for a physical if it's been a while... or at least find out whether or not she's always sleep that much. It may not be a "habit."

Laying in bed watching TV is not particulary stimulating... you might also look at the two of you getting some sort of activity going... go out once in a while or something.

You haven't said much about your schedule and activity... but the answer to this (assuming there's no physical reason for the amount of sleep she requires) is going to be both of you making some adjustments. As you so aptly state, she's going to bed very early by YOUR standards. If she'd posted, it would be that you are staying up very late by HER standards.

Gotta get it together somehow.

[stanlane]

you're not the only one experiencing this phenomena. we've been married coming up on 7 years and have been together for 10. i've always been a night owl and back when we were in school, there wasn't much of a conflict. now, she's in bed everynight by 8 (i'm up until midnight) and we're both up at 6am. a late night for her is 10 (even on the weekends). what's more is she doesn't like morning sex and doesn't want to be touched in the middle of the night. this means i have a window of 7pm to 8pm (assuming no late work hours or other commitments) and the kids are usually still awake during that time.

don't have any answers for you. just wanted you to know you're not alone

[lilly2279]

Some people just like to sleep. I wish I had that much time to sleep, of course, I know it would drive me crazy and I'd be up at like 3 a.m.

She could be depressed, that can cause you to sleep more - or less.. varies in people.

If she like to sleep like that before you married, I don't see her changing much. My sister in law is the same way.

[canoestripper]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (stanlane @ Nov. 12 2005,18:21)]you're not the only one experiencing this phenomena. we've been married coming up on 7 years and have been together for 10. i've always been a night owl and back when we were in school, there wasn't much of a conflict. now, she's in bed everynight by 8 (i'm up until midnight) and we're both up at 6am. a late night for her is 10 (even on the weekends). what's more is she doesn't like morning sex and doesn't want to be touched in the middle of the night. this means i have a window of 7pm to 8pm (assuming no late work hours or other commitments) and the kids are usually still awake during that time.

don't have any answers for you. just wanted you to know you're not alone

This is like deja vu...
Change it to 17 years married and 9 pm bedtime, and it would be exactly like my life. LOL

I've come to the conclusion that the only thing you can do is try to make the best of the time you're both awake. I don't think it's physically possible to keep MY wife awake past 9:00. She once fell asleep while playing Nintendo!
Trying to get to bed early, and finding time during the day on weekends are what works for us. It's not easy, especially with a kid...

[Brandye]

Sleeping excessively is a major symptom of clinical depression. I suspect that there is something more than your sex life on the line here. Encourage her to have a complete physical exam and discuss this with a doctor. We need about 7-8 hours a night. the ten you describe is excessive.

[canoestripper]

In my wife's case, I think it's genetic. Very similar to her mother, who goes to bed at 8:00 and gets up at 5:00. There are no other signs of depression. In fact, she often says how happy she is. She sometimes tries to stay up past 9:00, but usually falls asleep no matter what. It's like her body has a "shut down" time of 9:30.

I sleep 5-6 hours almost every night. It's just the way I am. She goes to bed, I stay up, we get up together. I have no problems with her sleep pattern. If not for our daughter (who also goes to bed at 9:00), we would have plenty of "play" time for ourselves.

j56h- If this is a problem for you, take Brandye's advice and see if she will see a doctor. My wife doesn't like to have sex at bedtime because it's hard for her to go to sleep afterward. This could be an issue with your wife too.

[j56h]

First of all thanks for your opinions.

As far as depression goes, she did recently lose her father who was very close to her, but she's been a sleepyhead long before then. She tells me that she's been like this ever since she got back to normal day shift work hours after doing midnight shift for 5 years or so. It's been several years though since she went back to normal hours, seems like she would eventually get back on track. My first post may make it sound as though we are couch potatoes, but we are not. Many times we will go out (weekends and during the week) but pertaining to sex the nights we don't go anywhere are more likely to lead to a session of sex than those when we do go out. I again attribute this to the sleepiness. If we go out, she usually is ready for sleep by the time we come home. Movies generally put her to sleep and as an example of what I'm up against she actually fell asleep during a live production of "42nd Street" the musical (professionally performed off Broadway touring company). I've often commented that if that "razzle dazzle" couldn't keep her interest then I might as well give up. Don't get me wrong, our sexual relations are great and we do the deed often, it just seems odd to be doing it so early in the evening (and she has no trouble sleeping afterwards). On weekends we usually have sex in the morning which we both like. We don't have kids yet but when we do I can't picture continuing to have sex early in the evening or on weekend mornings, so I would kind of like to start to push the evening sex a little later. As far as MY preference, I find myself up and about after sex on a regular basis, I'd be happier to be able to make love late in the evening and fall asleep in each others arms. I just don't think I can do that often when the falling asleep part comes at 9:00 pm and I'm still wide awake.

[Luvs2plzU]

Somehow she has to meet with her doctor and be "truthful" about her life. All the symptoms you describe are EXACTLY what my ex had for the past 23 years ,even down to changing of shifts at work. If you have children,it will most likely get worse with her sleeping and your lack of nookie, you will always say...it's ok,she's just tired, until finally everyone will come to reality and figure out it has been 25yrs of depression manifesting and finally rearing it's ugly head...do something NOW before you take the long journey...