Some trouble--advice please

[MrDinan]

Hey! I have a problem I would like to have some opinions on. I have been with my girl for almost a year, and since school/work is going on, I only see her on the weekends. During the weekends, we have sex maybe once or twice. This to me, is not enough. I want to be with her all the time because I don't see her everyday. She, on the other hand, does not want sex very often. Honestly, it hurts to be rejected in such a way (No, I'm sorry, I'm just don't feel like it) because I want to be with her as much as possible, and this makes it feel like she doesn't. I know she does, because she would rather replace sex with cuddling; Cuddling is good.. I like it, but obviously I am a guy and I like sex better.

My solution to the problem was steep. She has sacrificed so much for me, and I felt like I wasn't doing my part. So I told her that I will try my best to not want to have sex with her nearly as much... meaning if she wants sex, she has to initiate it, not me. My solution has caused a slight problem, for me. I now ejaculate myself 2 times a day before I see her, so I don't feel like making any moves (once in the morning, once mid day). I feel our relationship is strong enough that we can move past this, but I do have some doubts.

I love her a great deal (psh... duh, to make a sacrifice of no sex.. I mean come on who does that), but I am worried that in time, I will begin to lose my feelings because I want sex more. Sex to me is the most intimate thing... and I see it as me showing her how much I care for her.. I seem to not care AS MUCH when she has to get off the phone, in fact, I initiate getting off the phone so that she can go do her thing (I prematurely get off the phone).

Is there something wrong with me? Is this a dumb solution? We are firm believers of open communication, so I keep nothing from her. I just want to make sure things are okay, but this seems like "pushing legos under the rug so your room looks clean... until your mother makes your bed and finds all those damn legos and breaks her toe.."

Sorry for the length....

[demonbuttercup]

I just dont really see a problem.
My b/f wishes we had sex twice on the weekends, lol.
Its lucky if we get around to once.

Maybe since you only get to see eachother on the weekends she doesn't want to spend ALLLL that time having sex. Then it makes it look like your relationship is only based on sex. Maybe she likes to spend some of that time doing other things that are important to her and any other relationship. Just spending time together, movies, dinners, talking, etc. All of that can be intimate.
Learn other ways of showing her how much you care about her. sex shouldn't be the one and only way, its a good way, but not the only way.

[badtimeguy]

I have a similar problem. *My girlfriend, even though we live together rarely wants to do ANYTHING....that means kissing, taking showers, giving eachother head...nothing!!! *it drives me nuts. *She said that when I mention it to her or bring it up it makes her feel inadequate and she wants to "fool around" even less. *SO, it's all up to her now to initiate, on HER terms only and my solution is to say "screw that"....I purposefully withhold from her everything just so I feel like I have a say in this too. *So the result is that we don't do ANYTHING together for weeks and sometimes a month or two at a time....In the meantime, I'm resenting her for keeping us from having a full relationship with one another, and we really really do love one another....and I'm just pissed off that we have such extreme malice sometimes. *Does she do this to me on purpose? who knows. *Is there anything to be done about it? *I don't know yet...we've seen sex therapists and consulted books. *This problem makes the mere thought of sex unexciting and boring and I don't have a solution for it. *
I don't really seem to like her all that much anymore and I believe that if you keep it up, you might end up this way too.
Get some help, for both of you, if you can find it.
Good luck