Serious Help Needed

[lookingformore24]

i am 24 and he is 28 so we have no excuse. we have been together for 6 years now and its getting worse and worse. We have sex maybe every month or two and its really DRIVING ME CRAZY. I try to talk to him and have been mentioning it for over two years now, here and there.

Its like I wait until I am ready to scream and just snap at him about it ( in the moment which I know I should not do) and leave the room to sleep on the couch or whatever. I am a young, good looking, very pretty girl.
He is 28, young and in shape. I just dont understand cause we love each other so much and talk of having kids, and spending the rest of our lives together but to be honest his lack of wanting to have sex with me and initiating it really bothers me enough to doubt our future together. I know its probably not medical because he will take a blow job from me whenever i get the nerve to 'try' but I often get nothing back. I swear most of the times he has 'initiated' things with me recently is when he has had a few too many drinks. Otherwise, its me. Always me. The constant rejection makes me scared to though, so I do it less and and less. He needs to tell me if he has just lost interest in me physically or if its a serious problem that he has with me that we need to work out.
I am horny more often than not and just lay there rubbing his back or trying to get his attention and HE JUST KEEPS WATCHING HIS MOVIE all the freaking time. Its driving me nuts. We do cuddle all the time and he is affectionate to a point but make out sessions and passionate kisses are non existance as well.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me ??
I am too young to be dreading the rest of my sexual life if its going to be like this. I would do whatever it takes to be closer to my man, to fee him actually WANTING me more. I just dont know what to do cause every night that passes I feel more and more insecure about myself and am scared to try even more.

thanks for listening (sorry for the length)

[WallyLlama]

Not that long... but the one thing missing or unclear is what you've done so far. It sounds like you are bottling it up; it needs to be confronted.

I wouldn't eliminate the medical consideration. The fact tha he responds to a BJ doesn't prove there's not something else going on.

But the most important consideration is that you can't fix it without him and the includes letting him know it's a problem. That's what you have to do. Turn off the movie and talk.

[lookingformore24]

thanks for the reply Wally -

I have talked to him may a times but like I said in my post its usually when i am totally fustrated and 'in the moment'. He knows dam well that I want it more a lot more and you know ... I think he might too but the thing is, his simple answer to it all is "if you want it, just start sucking"

That does the trick sometimes but sometimes I want to know that HE wants it too and see HIM initiate it. Usually after we talk about it things are better for a few days and then back to normal.

[th1029]

Dear Lookingformore24:

I am in the EXACT same boat as you. I seriously wish there was an answer out there. I am horny 24/7, and it seems I get turned down more than anything anymore. Although the big difference between you and me, is that I married my guy after being together for 6 years. This has been an issue for a long time. We have talked about it many times too. And it goes nowhere. It's always the same thing "It's not you, I'm just tired, or I have a headache" or whatever. But I know exactly what you mean when you say that it takes a toll on your self esteem and pretty much your whole outlook. You feel unpretty, unsexy, unwanted, unappreciated. I would die for any affection. My husband HATES being affectionate. I YEARN for it. (all things that were well noted before the I DO's) but was convinced it would change at some point. If you find an answer to this issue, please let me know. Because I want in!!! I only get sex once a month or so. And if I do it is the same boring sex. Nothing new, fresh or spontaneous. I will not give him blowjobs though. I just don't like to do it unless there is some sort of outcome for me in it. I just hate giving them so much, that unless I am REALLY, REALLY feeling generous, I won't do it. If it isn't in the form of foreplay or teasing, forget about it. There is no way that I would let blowjobs rule how or if I would get sex. That whole philosophy that he has on that is really messed up. I feel it is degrading. When is it YOUR turn. You tell him to START LICKING!!

[WallyLlama]

I'm not the only who's posted this: the best time to talk about sexual issues is when you are not horny and not naked.

I leave it to others to decide... what comes first? Does the power struggle and need for control create the sexual differences or do the sexual differences become a power struggle?

See, sometimes knowing the right question is more important than knowing all the answers. If it is not about power, is it about being able to demonstrate love and affection? (Something most people would say guys are not particularly adept at. LOL)

A bottom line in this is that when two people are involved, both are contributing in some way to the problem. Until both can find a common purpose and agreement... until both can face their contribution... the odds of solving are reduced.

So many relationship issues get fed by looking at the differences. Sometimes you have to stop and look at the shared feelings to see if they can overpower the differences.

Hard to do that when you're horny.