What Do You Think?

[STKMikeCampo]

I'm about to describe a friend of mine's dad\husband.

15 year or so marriage
few years or so of getting drunk and beating the kids (mainly older daughter)
countless years of being a dick and asshole to wife *(little things here and there)
But the latest year (2004-05) is where it unfolds
around this time in 04, dad gets drunk, goes to strip club, needs to be picked up by his wife, gets home nearly knocks out daughter's 2 front teeth (thankful for braces). For the first time because its major wife called the cops. So dad's on probahtion for 1 year, does community service, no alcohol consumed or in house. all goes "well" till about end of august, when a certain friend is prohibited from seeing said daughter because apparently the wife picks her daughter's friends over her husband. Husband ran off after saying that for a day or two to his sister's that day. last weekend, dad gets drunk and gets caught by police, goes to drunk tank, car impounded, pays own bail, license suspended for 90days. Next day family searches car finds some KY (evidence of cheating, not the first time to) and undisclosed amount of cash (family account was empited) hidden nicely under the spare tire. Now after one week of living at his sisters, he's back in the house.

WTF is up with that? I'm flustered, I know theres such a thing as love but COOOMMEEE OOONNN what is the wife thinking, am I crazy or is she for keeping him so many times? She legally had his balls handcuffed and takes him back as if it was nothing. He just keeps coming back after so much shit. He's been suspected of cheating a few other times to.

What would you do if you were the wife? Is this right or is a casr of "Bad Boys 4 Life - Ride Together, Die Together" (in a husband\wife way) or would that be Bonnie & Clyde?

[Mia]

first of all im going to say is that there are so many factors involved here. it is hard to leave an abusive relationship - (many issues involved that i wont go into). in my opinion when children are involved the victim should leave with the children, no excuses. i think the wife definitely should seek legal help and counselling. its easy for people on the outside to say "oh if that was me i would leave him" but when you are actually in the situation yourself it is a lot different. my sisters ex fiance was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive, but she kept it hidden from everyone. when her family realised the situation they intervened and basically held her hostage in their house, because she had plans to run away with him, because she 'loved' him. she had a newborn daughter at the time and my parents threatened to take her off her. it was a terrible time but ny sister needed help, even though she didnt want it. sorry for rambling but maybe that can help you see it from the wives point of view

[WallyLlama]

What do I think? I think this sort of thing happens every day and any attempt to understand it simply results in frustration.

The wife clearly receives enough benefit from staying married to him to want to keep him around. We may not know or understand that, but it's reality. You can't always explain human behavior in rational terms. You also will find it very difficult to protect people from themselves.

I think the only suprising thing is that someone hasn't thought enough of the children to report both the husband the wife for child abuse.

[lilly2279]

Yeah, sadly enough it does happen every day.

My 'guess' would be that the wife just hopes things will go back to how they were before he relied so much on alcohol. Perhaps she feels the good times outweigh the bad times enough to continue on.

And I don't respect her one bit. If anyone ever hurt a child of mine, they would be gone so fast their head would spin, no exceptions. And they would be in jail. I don't care if I would have to go to shelter or whatever. I know some circumstances are too hard to get out of, or they fear their spouse. It just sucks.

[STKMikeCampo]

I think people like that are just affraid of "what would happen if" so they dont want to change things, no matter what the circumstances are.

[demonbuttercup]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (STKMikeCampo @ Oct. 16 2005,20:20)]I think people like that are just affraid of "what would happen if" so they dont want to change things, no matter what the circumstances are.

Yea mostly.
I mean for a lot of them, if they left they would have no money, no home, no family (since sometimes the abuser and made them alienate themselves from their family) and a whole other list of things.

The moment the wife decides to leave is when she is in the MOST danger. Its that whole "well if I can't have you, no one will " mentality on the part of the abuser.

I do agree tho when kids are involved it shouldnt matter but like they've said, trying to figure out what is in someones head is pointless b/c you aren't them and dont live their life.

[STKMikeCampo]

I forgot to add that the mother sometimes also hits the daughter. Not just body shots but sometimes the face.

Update...
Well now she (daughter) has moved out.... its not really moved out though, more of a run away. She's hidding at a friends house not too far from home (and i mean not too far... 6-7houses away). I know its not too smart to do that but what else do you when this stuff happens, at 17, no job or money, just friends. What happens legally? does anyone have any info other than guidance consollers and the usual stuff? Basically the mom doesn't know where she's, thinks she hasn't been at school (she has), that no one has seen her, so the mom is a bit one edge, thinking the worst. The daughter is gone because her mom punched her in the face for no-apparent reason this mourning. I'd like to know what I could do? What not to do? because this obviously a very sensitve situation when people "hide" other peoples kids. Anything would help. What can the girl legally do at 17 (she'll also be 18 this feburary), like a divorce or something because of the history the family has had (as in she would have alot things to back her up). She plans on finishing High school and going to college so what do u do? (besides get a job\money) BTW any legal info would be great but Canada specifialy Ontario would be best.
THANKS ALOT