I cheated

[ductapefaerie]

Alright, well...to start this off, I love my boyfriend very much. We've been together for just over three years, and we are planning on getting married (probably within the next two years or so).

Now, onto the problem. I went to my first concert in March (I know...I'm kind of a loser ). It was a muse concert, and I went with my friend from work the previous summer, his girlfriend-to-be (they weren't going out yet), and one of my very good friends, Kyle. Once muse started playing, we all tried to get closer. Eventually, Kyle and I got separated from the other two (we were maybe 5 feet from the band!!).

Kyle and I have a history. I've known him for 6 years. We've gone out twice, and there's always been sexual tension. The last time we went out involved lots of making out, and I thought he was the greatest kisser. After that, my bf asked me back out, and he is the most amazing kisser in the entire world (because I've trained him!! ) Also, he had just broken up with the girl of his dreams. And we were both horny as hell.

So, the entire time we're at the concert, I'm imagining Kyle kissing as well as my boyfriend. We're all excited, adrenaline pumping, dancing, grinding, all in good fun. We ended up making out for like 10 minutes right there (turns out he wasn't as good as I remembered him being...). After the concert, we both agreed never to tell anyone, especially not our significant others, because it didn't mean anything. It was just hormones and horniness and such.

The guilt has decreased greatly, but every once in a while I think about it, and it makes me feel horrible. I know it'd be a bad idea to tell him because it'd just cause more harm than good.

So, I guess what I'm trying to ask is if there is anything I can do to feel better, of if there is anything I should do in this situation. This is the only time I've ever kept something from him. Whatever responses I get are greatly appreciated.

--J

[missyh]

geni thats a hard one,
where marriage is involved i think that there should be no secrets before you take the serious move of taking them vows.
im sorry but 10 minutes of kissing when you love a person is a HUGE lenght of time, couple of seconds and fair enough ment dam all. but ten minutes of kissin and thinking while kissing just seems to long, if u made a mistake and kissed him, you should have felt so bad doing it , that you'd pull away quickly, not ten minutes later.
i think, you should tell him and down grade the lenght of time the kiss was , let him know it was when yous only got back together and times wer confusing or someting. tell white lies to make the situation sound less harsh , but dont tell full on lies that you wer totally faithfull, because marriage,to me , is a huge step tat should be stepped into in total confidance with no bad guilty feelings, no secrets.
telling him, if it is true love, should be better for you two, start marriage with out any emotional baggage, cause if this secret came out when married.... it would be horriably messy.

think long and hard is my advice....

[ductapefaerie]

I think you misunderstand: Kyle and his girlfriend had just broken up, my boyfriend and I were together. And there wasn't much thinking because it was a concert and we were so into the music and were so excited, neither of us were thinking, just acting. Therefore, it took a while to actually realize what I was doind.

[Kawaii Koinu]

Try doing what I did (and am still doing) with my fiance. Admit to him, try to talk it out calmly, and then spent the next... how long's it been... 7-8+ months begging for forgiveness.

It's kinda of working for me. Just explain it to him and if he really love you he'll at least listen to what you have to say and put a little thought into it.

Just remember 1 thing, TELL THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!!

Tell him what happened, why, how long it went on. Don't hol ANYTHING back. Hell, let him read your post. The point is, if you really love him and are seriously considering marriage there has to be asolute truth, no bending stories or missing details.

Remember, even white lies hurt (I learned the hard way).

I hope that helps.

[ductapefaerie]

Well, I want to tell him...and I'm sure he would eventually forgive me...I mean, he knows about the history between me and Kyle. I just don't know how to tell him. I mean, how do you bring that sort of thing up? In most cases, I would just wait until I felt so guilty about it, I started crying in front of him for apparently no reason and then he would ask me what was wrong and pretty much force it out of me...but I just don't know...

[Kawaii Koinu]

The longer you hold it in the worse it'll be when he inds out, cause then you'll have hid it too.

My advice, try getting him in a good mood, then muster all your courage and just come rigt out and say "I'm sorry, I cheated" and hope he's more curious than angry and will talk to you about it.

Also, probably a bad idea right after sex, could be a shot to his ego. I hope this helps. I may only be 17 but I'm engaged and I've cheated on the one I'm engaged to, but we're lasting. So I hope this helps you too.

[ductapefaerie]

Thanks. That makes me feel better now that I know that you are engaged and you're still together...I'll let you know how it goes when I finally muster up the courage.

[Kawaii Koinu]

I wish you the best of luck.

[Artisan]

You made out for 10 minutes? And nothing more?

I wouldn't tell and I wouldn't want to know. You don't want this thing between you and your b/f for the next 7-8+ months.

Try this: When you think about it again turn the image in your head black and white, shrink it and push it far away, so far, you can't see it anymore. I know this sounds silly, but after a while your unconscious will do it by itself and the image will stop bugging you.

As you said "It was just hormones and horniness and such." No need to ruin a good relationship.

[neverdiplomatic]

Both my hubby and his friend say not to tell. This is their advice. The old "what he doesn't know" line.
IMHO, I think you should do what feels right for YOU. Are you going to be able to live without telling him? Can you marry him with this secret? If the answer is yes, then maybe follow the men's advice. If not, then tell him.