Confused

[purplekitten]

I am still pretty new at this site...I needed to post a question b/c I need some advice and this was the only way I figured to do it, so if I'm doing it wrong...let me know please!!! Anyways...I have been dating my boyfriend for a LONG time and I love him more than anything. The sex is great and we do it often but I find myself only being able to get off is if I pretend my b/f is some guy cheating on his wife with me. The thought of cheating gets me off and I hate it, b/c I am so against cheating. I am not sure if something is wrong with me or how I can have sex with just my b/f, not some fantasey.

[oberon]

No, there's nothing "wrong" with you. *It's very common to fantasize during sex. *If you do something the same way all the time, of couse, it gets boring. *Why not invite him to play along? *Look for ways to spice things up.... you'll find a TON of them on the board here. *There are even games where you draw a card and act out the fantasy on it. *He's the cable guy and you're the lonely housewife. *He's home alone and you're the door-to-door salesperson (you could even be selling sex toys...LOL). *

Try doing new things together. *It'll be good for both of you... and YOU won't feel guilty. *

OH... I HAD to come back and add... You could do a "Desperate Housewives" fantasy. You're the hot housewife and he's the gardener. YUM! LOL.

Take care.

[Tessie]

Oh do I have desparate housewife fantasises!

Purplekitten we all have fantasies and what makes them fun is that we can imagine anything at all that turns us on. I have had some outrageous ones that I certainly wouldn't ever act on or even repeat on this thread. As long as you aren't hurting anyone you are free to think whatever you want without any guilt.

You can do what Oberon suggested and get your bf to play with you or just keep them to yourself and enjoy.

[WallyLlama]

I agree in principle, there is absolutely no harm in fantasies. That said, there's a critical point here:

I find myself only being able to get off is if I pretend my b/f is some guy cheating on his wife with me

There might be several things "wrong" with that... not in the sense that they are against any rules, but in the sense that there might be reason for concern.

One might wonder where the line is between "fantasy" and "fixation."

I suppose some of this is wrapped up in the "having sex" versus "making love" topic (a good read)... so while fantasy is great... I'd try making love occasionally... and letting your feelings for each other be central to the experience.

The other thing that might be said is a fantasy becomes "wrong" when the fantasy bothers the person having it... I suspect that your question implies you'd rather make love to your boyfriend than "have sex with some guy who's cheating on his wife."

A simplistic theory: the excitement of an illicit affair may be helping you "getting you off," but it's also becoming addictive. (Excitement can be addictive!) See if you can get excited about your bf and how he makes you feel... and how you feel about him... you might have to work at it a little at first... wean yourself off the fantasy you've developed...

It will be worth it.

[Starbuck]

My goodness. Sounds like you have a mixed set of values to me. Hate cheeting you say, but get turned on by the thought of it. Sounds like my ex gf . she says she distests cheating men , but wants to fu-K a married man lately. She's definatly a "Head Case". you noticed that I said "EX "Girl friend .LOL
Its like the angel on one sholder and the devil on the other sholder . which ones going to win. LOL Mike

[Kim930]

I don't think it's a "mixed set of values". Some people can have rape fantasies, but that doesn't mean they actually want to be raped. Or you can have fantasies being a secretary & getting seduced by the boss...that certainly doesn't have to mean that you're attracted to your boss. It's just fantasy.

Now purplekitten, I think some great points were brought up by Wally. See if there are other things that you & your boyfriend can incorportate into your sex life to excite you....toys, shared fantasies...stuff like that. Good luck!