Do I have problems????

[bobafett]

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now and I love her very dearly. I know she loves me just as much, she tells me all the time still. The thing is, for some reason I constantly dwell on her and how she felt about people she went out with before. She had many boyfriends before me and I only had one previous girlfriend (which I didn't love). My current girlfriend lost her virginity to me, too. But then I think...oh, she told them she loved other people too, look what happened. When I think like this I become bitter and sometimes annoyed towards her and I don't think it's fair. What can I do? I think I'm just jealous or something. I don't want this to tear us apart and I think it's stupid.

[WallyLlama]

You don't have problems, but if you keep up this thinking you will.

I'm not sure I'm clear on what you're thinking though... are you "jealous" of the fact that she "loved" others... or do you resent that you have not? There is a huge difference!

Either thinking can "tear you apart" if you don't manage it.

If you are jealous of others, remember that a certain amount of jealousy is "normal" and healthy... but the ghosts of past relationships will only haunt you as much as you allow them to affect you. She is, after all, with you now... in a way that she has never been with anyone before. In it's simpliest form, you have to learn to trust her and trust that - and stop looking behind you. You can even ask her to understand and help you with it!

If, on the other hand, you resent the fact that you've not had as many relationships... well, that's a little tougher! You can't exactly tell her you wish you'd had as many previous girlfriends as she has boyfriends - or at least I wouldn't recommend it!

That's what you can do... figure out what you are really feeling and then manage it. Don't over-analyze the why... figure out what you want to do (think and feel) and do it!

[bobafett]

yes, i am jealous that she loved other people. your post helped me, by the way. i guess i have to stop looking back. it's not even my business, they weren't my relationships. i know she cares for me a lot. she even said she wants to marry me and we're very young. i've mentioned it to her before that i get jealous about this sorta thing....but then she tells me it wasn't the same before. still, i get annoyed when i think about it. so, thank you

[WallyLlama]

You're welcome!

I believe there is such a thing as "wrong thinking" and you may have to work on elminating it... when you find yourself getting annoyed, give yourself a mental shake and think (outloud if you are alone) "I'm thinking wrong. I have to stop." And then think about the future and remember what she told you!

Jet pilots don't use rear view mirrors!