the fighting is scaring me

[ashgrl]

ok let me first give some background info. my boyfriend and i are both 17, and we have been together for a year and a half. we love each other very much and throughout the course of our relationship, we basically have gotten along with no problems. up until november, i can probably count the number of arguments (and small ones, at that) on one hand.

then around november or december, we started fighting a little more. when i say fighting, it's really just me getting pissed off at him for making me upset. he doesn't realize it, but he does or says a lot of things that bother me. up until i guess june i would say a fight would occur on average once every two weeks. recently, every time i see him i get pissed off. maybe it's because we're seeing each other more because it's summer, but i really don't think that it...because i still enjoy seeing him a lot. and there was a time in may that we spent like two days straight together with absolutely no fighting.

i want to blame it on getting more comfortable with him and therefore being able to tell him when i'm upset, but i don't remember times during, like, last summer when i would be upset but not tell him. i know this is how a lot of relationships end...fighting...and it doesn't help that he's going to college in less than two months. i brought it up this morning to him because since it was scaring me i just wanted to talk about it with him, but then he had to go to work so we'll talk about it tonight. but until then, does anyone have any advice?

[kaph_een]

well, if i had to make an educated guess at why you're fighting....it could genuinely be that:

-what he says REALLY bothers you and you just decided recently to stop putting up with it, even though if that's the case, he's probably been doing it since you've been together, you just haven't paid as much attention to it.

-you're getting more comfortable with him and you two almost feel, perhaps subconsciously, that fighting is a way to break the everyday monotony of seeing each other...kinda like, you force the drama to create a sense of new urgency

i guess you just have to ask yourself what you're fighting about...whether it's even worth fighting about, or if you're just making a big commotion over nothing...or, if it's serious stuff that you just can't support and be part of, then i'd say you probably have to examine your relationship with him and ask yourself if it's worth your time to be with someone you can't get along with.

[snickers1]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (kaph_een @ July 08 2005,19:22)]well, if i had to make an educated guess at why you're fighting....it could genuinely be that:

-what he says REALLY bothers you and you just decided recently to stop putting up with it, even though if that's the case, he's probably been doing it since you've been together, you just haven't paid as much attention to it.

-you're getting more comfortable with him and you two almost feel, perhaps subconsciously, that fighting is a way to break the everyday monotony of seeing each other...kinda like, you force the drama to create a sense of new urgency

i guess you just have to ask yourself what you're fighting about...whether it's even worth fighting about, or if you're just making a big commotion over nothing...or, if it's serious stuff that you just can't support and be part of, then i'd say you probably have to examine your relationship with him and ask yourself if it's worth your time to be with someone you can't get along with.

I concur. Also, you seem to me at least, wanting to peg him down to only you that he sees and only you...period. That won't work. You're both only 17 and he's going to college, you don't say if you're still in hs, so I will assume. Hon, when he leaves for school, especially if he's staying in the dorm, he WILL see other females and he will probably date...which is what he SHOULD do and SO SHOULD YOU. Seriously, as I said, you're way too young to settle down or even want to with this guy. I don't discount what you said or feel, but, in time, those will dissipate and you (and him) will have those feelings for someone else. One day, you will meet the man of your dreams and you will know you are then, at that time, mature enough to say, "okay, I'm ready." Until then, enjoy life and be choosy.

Best wishes, dear.


Pete

[jaimelee717]

snikers,
i dont agree with you when you say that their love will dissipate and they will have the same feelings for someone else. my girlfriend and i have been together for nearly three years now and we are both only 18. we have planned our lives together and love each other very much. all through our relationship we were told that we were too young to be in love and we didnt know what true love was. i believe that the belief that young people cant feel true love and find the person that they want to spendthe rest of their life with is obscene.

ashgrl,
my girlfriend and i also went through a phase when we fought a lot about things that were stupid. small things that had no significance. for the first year or two, the two of you are still getting to know what the other is really like by themselves and getting used to having to think of the other person before themselves. if you two feel that your love is true and you think that you can spend the rest of your lives together, you can sit down and talk about the issue of fighting. my girlfriend and i had very different styles in arguements. she came from a family that screamed at each other and didnt talk for a few hours, which is fine if it works, and i came from a family that sat down and talked about our poblems, which is also fine if it works. what we did was actually sit down and discuss a way that we wanted to talk about and solve our arguements. what each of us felt comfrtable doing and what we didnt. both of you need to sit down and talk about your arguments and how you want to resolve them. good luck.

[ashgrl]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (snickers1 @ July 13 2005,10:03)]

I concur. Also, you seem to me at least, wanting to peg him down to only you that he sees and only you...period. That won't work. You're both only 17 and he's going to college, you don't say if you're still in hs, so I will assume. Hon, when he leaves for school, especially if he's staying in the dorm, he WILL see other females and he will probably date...which is what he SHOULD do and SO SHOULD YOU. Seriously, as I said, you're way too young to settle down or even want to with this guy. I don't discount what you said or feel, but, in time, those will dissipate and you (and him) will have those feelings for someone else. One day, you will meet the man of your dreams and you will know you are then, at that time, mature enough to say, "okay, I'm ready." Until then, enjoy life and be choosy.

Best wishes, dear.


Pete

i don't want to tie him down. i know that the chances of us staying together for the rest of our lives is very slim, and i'm not even sure if i would want that, anyway. however, i personally think it's stupid to break up a perfectly healthy relationship.

i know this goes against my original post...because fighting all the time isn't healthy...but since i made this thread, things have been 100 times better and so right now we're a healthy relationship again. anyway, i told him that as soon as he gets any temptations or feelings for someone else that we need to talk about it and then i won't be upset if he decides to see other people. well, i will be upset, but it will be for the best.

but thanks for the advice.

[cindy18]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (kaph_een @ July 08 2005,19:22)]well, if i had to make an educated guess at why you're fighting....it could genuinely be that:

-what he says REALLY bothers you and you just decided recently to stop putting up with it, even though if that's the case, he's probably been doing it since you've been together, you just haven't paid as much attention to it.

-you're getting more comfortable with him and you two almost feel, perhaps subconsciously, that fighting is a way to break the everyday monotony of seeing each other...kinda like, you force the drama to create a sense of new urgency

i guess you just have to ask yourself what you're fighting about...whether it's even worth fighting about, or if you're just making a big commotion over nothing...or, if it's serious stuff that you just can't support and be part of, then i'd say you probably have to examine your relationship with him and ask yourself if it's worth your time to be with someone you can't get along with.

you are very rite on this, i love my boyfriend very much, but sometimes i find myself creating drama b/c ,well i dunno, but i have learned that i have to change that about myself b/c i dont want to hurt him anymore