Getting partner to show more passion

[Starbuck]

Hi all. I'm new but have read these boards for a long time. As I get older I seem to want more passion from my wife. Shes always been the "good girl" all her life and now I desire * the "bad girl" .
Weve both re newed our sex life *after many years or marriage (30) shes intrestered but not to the point of being a naughty girl that I really want. *(Like some naughty talk or her taking the inutative to have sex.)
I'm pretty vocal in bed, but she's not. What can I do to get her to say more during sex and be more passionate ,and turn more into what I want at this point in my life?
Ive done a bunch or stuff to help- got videos and she dont like those,(says they have not plot) LOL *I got her some toys and she dont seem to care , when I talk about sex she gets quiet. She claims she's really into me when we do actually talk about sex. *What do you all think ? and suggestions. Thanks every one. -Mike

[maggies54]

One would tend to believe that after 30 years of marriage your wife is not going to suddenly change her sexual manners. You have tried videos, toys and I am sure much more.

You state you talk over sexual issues openly. Have you ever talked about her upbringing and what she was taught or told about sex ?

Can't hurt to find out . Our childhoods form us for life.

[Starbuck]

Thanks Magggies for the reply. We have talked about her child hood which was in the Catholic faith > She did go to Cathloic schools etc. I'm wondering if this is part of the problem ? (Ive never forced sex or anything else on her all these years, thats not my personality.)
She also has a very hard time giving me any compliments of any kind. Ive discussed this with her many times ,and she just cant do it. Ive been told by others that i'm a very decent looking man etc ,even by her girl friends, but it would sure be nice to hear it from the one that matters the most.
I'm thinking youre right that after this many years things are not going to change. I sure would like them too though. I would just like more excitment with her and dont know what else i can do . Youre ideas are Very welcome or any one elses.
Thanks again. Mike

[oberon]

Hi Starbuck,

I guess the first question that must be answered is "Does she want to change?" or "Is she interested in changing?".

If she's not willing to work on it, then there really isn't much you can do. *

However, if she's willing to try, things like "dirty talk" can be coached. *If she's not a talker during sex, you can tell her what to say. ei: "Tell me I'm sexy." or maybe something a little less cheesy...lol. *You can also ask for a response. *"How does that feel?" or "Tell me how much you like that."

You said you bought some toys... just for her to use or do you use them together? *You using them on her might spice up sex somewhat. *

Making sex playful also helps. *It shouldn't always be a serious business. *Approach it as just trying to have fun.

Take care.

[WallyLlama]

If I may, I'd like to throw a little curve into the discussion in the form of an as yet unasked question.

It sounds like we're talking about 30 years that have been at least acceptable... that she has been fairly consistent in her behaviors, etc. and that has "worked" for both of you.

Why is it not now? If you weren't feeling the need for more "passion" there wouldn't be a problem, maybe?

From your descriptions, it sounds like you are focusing on what you want from her... naughtiness... complimenting you more... those are certainly not unreasonable expectations in most people's book.

If I were a gambler, I'm betting the "answer" lies somewhere in the middle of this... figuring out exactly what your own needs are, why they have changed, and what to do about them... and taking another look at her needs and wants.

One way to create excitement is to excite her, you know, and it's alternative that should not be overlooked. (Buying her toys is not necessarily a way of exciting her, particularly if she's not interested in toys!) Funny how that excitement can be shared and how it can affect both!

[Starbuck]

If you want some fore play idea e-mail me at Starbuck50000@aol.com. Mike