So In Need Of Help!!!

[neverdiplomatic]

I'm with a wonderful guy who has finally admitted our sex life is boring. Like most couples, when we got together, the sex was fantastic and frequent. Now, two kids later, it's insanely boring. Prior to being with him, I was reasonably adventurous. There are a lot of things I haven't tried (toys et all) but there are also a lot of things I have.
A huge problem is that we are both terrible at foreplay. I'm self conscious about it now, and he has never been adept at doing more than grabbing my breasts or groping down south. He has no idea about experimentation, no clue as to erogenous zones, and thinks all our troubles would be solved by anal sex. He's never gone there, I have, and really don't care to return. I've agreed to give it another try for him, but feel he needs to be willing to expand his horizons as well. He won't give or receive massages, won't shower together, hates giving head (although he nags for blow jobs constantly), and just tells me he's clueless when I ask him to try something new on me. He won't play around with food, frankly, I don't see how I can improve our sex life as long as he's in this defeatist mindset.
So I need advice. How to I get him the information he needs? He is willing to read about it, willing (eager actually) to watch educational porn, and willing to try. I just have no resources. I'm at my wits end because I don't think it's fair or right to put all the responsibility for our lousy sex life on my shoulders. It takes two, you know?
So I need good web sites, books, techniques, ANYTHING!!!!
Please, if there is anyone out there who can help, you will be my hero.

[oberon]

Hi Neverdiplomatic and welcome aboard!

How about some sex help video tapes (not necessarily porn... but, hey, those would work, too...lol). *Put the tape in and the two of you copy what they are doing on the screen. *They make all kinds of tapes from oral to intercourse and everything in between, so you can try LOTS of stuff. *

This is one you hear the most about: *Better Sex

Good luck!

[Starbuck]

The series Oberon suggested is very good. I got them for us and they are *good . Worth the money . Get all of the DVDs. Watch them together. thats a must. I have a very simular situation with my wife *as you do with your guy. Mike

[WallyLlama]

And, if I read your post correctly, after you've watched the tapes you will probably end up with an educated partner who still nags for blow jobs, wants to do you in the butt to solve everything, won't give or receive massages, won't give head... shall I go on?

I think you need to give serious consideration to the possibility this is not an "information" issue. If he won't, for example, give or receive massages I don't think watching a video on "how to" is going to be particularly helpful. I think it was one of the Roosevelts who said something like "If you take a guy who steals from trains and educate him, he'll steal the railroad." That's not to devalue education, but it is a magic solution to every problem.

You got close when you said you don't think it's fair for you to accept all the responsibility for the situation. His attitude is not only defeatist, it's selfish. Tell him to come up with one new way of pleasing you - however simple - and see what happens.

[neverdiplomatic]

Thanks so much for the replies guys!
Things are looking up a wee bit. He admitted to me a lot of the hang ups with massages et all was insecurity about 'doing it wrong' which was something I suspected.
Had a rollicking night of me dominating him and basically not letting him get out off trying a couple new things. Went fairly well; he opened up about a lot of things which he was afraid I wouldn't understand (yeah right, me, the girl who used to hang with doms and swinging gay couples).
So things are looking better. We have a date to check out womyn's wares in Vancouver this month. He loved the website and saw a lot of things he wants to check out.
So thankee kindly again very much.
Off to drug my children on candy and adrenaline at the local Canada Day celebrations.