Thoughts on relationships

[finewine]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ] rawbob said:
I will say this, I don't believe the majority of humans can be monogamous. This is MY OPINION, but decades of divorce rates between 50-75% bear out my point.
Anyone else's thoughts on monogamy? *

I think monogamy is possible.
It is a commitment of the will to think of the other person first....

BUT you have to say divorce is not an option and is not a word you recognize in your vocabulary...

BUT it only works if BOTH feel that way and are willfully committed to it.
and there are so many complexities to that that will tend to pull the relationship apart or keep it together.

What does monogamy mean to you?
When is a relationship no longer monogamous?

[LittleFury]

Damn...you always gotta ask those questions early in the morning before I had coffee
OK, I'll give this a try. Monogamy for me, at least in this relationship is a complete commitment to each other. I do not expect him not to look of course, he is still alive and seeing. But as long as he does not act out on his attraction and as long as his heart belongs to me, we're good. The relationship would change, if there was someone else who started to play a part or a share of the part in his life that only I should play. I think monogamy is possible, it's just gonna take a lot of work. I am willing to put in that work, and I myself would not be able to have a relationship that is not monogamous, I don't like to share much
Damn, I could have said this better if I was more awake

[thetease13]

We were talking at work one day and one of the guys there said that in an unspoken rule, guys are allowed to have about 3 screws on the side a year. And in a way, I believe that, not just for men but for women as well. I believe that men and women get away with things everyday that their spouses/partners will never know or find out about.

I do think that monogamy is possible, I just don't see it as all that likely sometimes. So, I'm gonna go with rawbob on this one.

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

i think its possible fine wine but thats because of how my personality is..i kinda agree with everything you said...
monogamy to me is people committing themselves to one another. I just look at my parents and grand parents..
parents been together27 or 28 years... grand parents 50 years... so i do believe its possible

[LittleFury]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (thetease13 @ June 06 2005,09:06)]We were talking at work one day and one of the guys there said that in an unspoken rule, guys are allowed to have about 3 screws on the side a year. *

Yep, I let mine have his 3 each year, and they are: Bike, kitten and his electronics. Thats 3 love affairs he's allowed to have on the side
I have seen couples that been monogamous for decades, my grandparents and my future in-laws. I have also see those who can't handle it. It al depends on the person I guess and on how much work they are willing to put into relationship.

[maggies54]

This thread posting will be very unliked by 90% or more, just a sure guess !

However, I will continue.

Monogamy defined by Websters
1. the practice of marrying only once, or the principle which upholds the practice, the principle that forbids a second marriage after the death of a first huband or wife.

2. the practice of marring only one person at a time .

3.in zoology, the habit of having only one mate. the practice of living in pairs.

Now,by defintion, in our current socity we do not practice monogamy. a true monogamy.

In the animal/insect world the only truely monogamous critter I could find is the dragon fly. Unless in captivity where humans have the control over mating.

By popular defintion monogamy is not having more than one sexual partner in a relationship.

We are born as sexual beings not social moral beings.

We are taught (as a norm in this country ..US ) that mongamy is the only true way to show we are in love with some one. It is socially expected and accepted.

Using the common definetion it can be done, if you are speaking only of the physical aspects of love.

If, you broaden your scope to emotional monogamy ... NO. AND IT IS CROSS GENDER. It can be either another female or male.

We share our emotions with many. Your best girlfriend, whom you share "everything".

Those in your life that share a common sense of humor because they will "get it", more than your partner.

Sometimes a hug from a friend means as much or more than one from a partner. A kind word from a friend can mean more coming from that person than a partner. * even with your partner right there and said the same thing to you earlier in the day.

We expect certain things from a partner, we do not expect them from others ... therefore it is more meaningful coming from another.

An exsample. I expect my husband to notice I've lost 20lbs. I don't expect the mailman too or the lady at the grocery store. Their comments brighten my spirits more than my husband saying I know you have really worked hard to lose the extra pounds.

When my minpin was stolen a few years ago , it ment more to me to have a neighbor ( who lives 1 mile away ) come to my door asking if I had found her. Than it did for my husband to help look for her. I expected him to help me look. I didn't expect a neighbor a week later to make the extra trip to see if she had been found.

We are not emotionally monogamous. We were not designed to be by mere nature. We seek out friends whom we can share thoughts and feelings.

We are not by nature designed to be monogamous... we are social taught that it is right.

If, we were, we would never have more than one boyfriend/girlfriend in our life. We would not seek out the approval of others. We would not look at others wondering privately " wonder what he/she is like." It would not matter who else comes in to our life or what is going on emotionally in our life there would be no cheating , no divorce, no remarriage after death of a partner.

Again I state monogamy is not natural it is only taught.

[WallyLlama]

Well, Maggie... put me in the 10%. I think it's a great post!

I find it interesting that most people instinctively define "monogamy" as the absence of "cheating" (and then define cheating narrowly or with continually evolving definitions)! We humans do have a tendency to focus on our lack and use a subtractive approach to life and relationships! (A good relationship therefore gets defined by what one's partner doesn't do.)

Fascinating stuff. Your points about sharing humor and emotion can apply to so many things... there's an intellectual sharing that can be difficult to keep "monogamus" as well.

Maybe we need a new word to describe the incredible blending or merging that can take place between two people who find real and deep love. Or maybe it's a whole new vocabularly!

What happens, for example, when you truly feel your partner's happiness, even when you are not the source it? (When hubby knows how it makes you feel that the mailman noticed your weight loss - instead of assuming the mailman is trying to get into your pants. LOL)

I think it gets at least a "wow."

[Gilbo2005]

Personally I believe that monogomy is a state of mind rather than a physicality.

so long as two minds work together to keep the love, respect, caring amd thoughfulness working and of course the SEX then that to me is monogomy.

You can share the sex act with other people for the act itself, sometimes a little bit of difference can make all the difference. If we involve other people in our sex lives it is only the sex we want to enjoy, its a case of get your clothes off and get on with it then go home.

And then go back to your own parteners and relive the experiance.

[Rawbob]

WOW....great thread folks....interesting thoughts!

Hey wally, you wanted to come up with a new word for monogamy....well.....those of us who are gay and can't be "married" have:
- Partners
- Life Partner

For me and my partner, monogamy is about our hearts! Yep, its about our love for each other that can't be shared with anyone..thats what works for us!

[maggies54]

Wally , thank you for your wanting to be in the 10% !

I wish I could remember the lines of a couple old poems about what love...I can only remember a few lines here and there.. They go something like this....

"Love is not unkind, Love is not jealous...... "

The other little poem goes a little like ...

" If you love something let them go , if they were really yours they will come back..."


Point is wonder if the authors used those poems to not be monogamous. ( by common def. of monogamy ) Basically open call cheating . LOL

A narrow mind follows a narrow path with a narrow view. An open mind follows no path and has the view of the world.

We here in this thread are hoping to share our intellectual side. Does it mean that you are not being monogamous ?

How many in this thread has had only one sexual partner ever in their life ? By Webster you then are not monogamous.

I truely believe that we were not designed to be monogamous. There is no one person in this world who can fulfill your every need , want , and desire.

I'd like to thank each of you in this thread for cheating with me, intellectually. For this topic holds no interest for my husband.

I live in a town of 367 people ... most who have not two brain cells left, or have not yet developed them yet. Never left this little town ( other than to serve their prison time ) , gone to school,seen the world , joined the military or married outside of their own family.

Side note to Rawbob.. Partner / life partner is not a synonym for monogamy but husband / wife.
And it is not exculsive to the homosexal community.