girlfriend problems

[lakers fan]

well my girlfriend and I have been having a few problems. At the beginning of our relationship, the sex was great. She enjoyed it, i enjoyed it, and we were having sex 4-5 times a week 2 to 3 times a day. But now its just bad. Im lucky to get sex once every 2 weeks. The reason is maybe a month or so ago she told me that i never get her off anymore, and that i last only a few seconds so why the hell should she have sex with me when it doesn't benefit her at all. Now i see her point and i feel horrible for it, but i think it is unfair cause its like she sets me up for failure now. she says i cum too fast now, so i asked maybe she could jack me off before we do it so i won't cum so fast. She then responds with why the f*** should i have to jack you off, so that you can just f*** me afterwards or something along those lines. So i tried jacking myself off before sex for a while and it seemed to be okay. but then one time after masturbating before sex, i couldn't get it up. this was maybe 1 minute or so right after cumming. She then gets pissed at me, and responds with why can't you f*** like a regular person, your pathetic etc etc. i have told her i will go down on her, i will masturbate with her as long as she wants, i will do anything for her to help get her off. this has led to me not getting any handjobs, or blowjobs either. now fastforward to a 2 months later which was last night around 2 am when i am sleeping. she tells me i am horny. Now this is is the first time she has told me this in like months. So i instantly wake up and ask her what she wants me to do. i play with her for a while, and ask her what sehe wants. she says let me get on top of you, and you can't move just let me get on top and do what i want so i can get off. i say fine, but im not hard, so i ask maybe she could help get me hard real quick. she says no im not touching that shit, hurry the f*** up. after maybe 1 min, she says this is taking too f***ing long, im going to sleep. 5 or so minutes later, she starts yelling saying this is why you get no handjobs, sex, etc etc you can't get me off anymore and thats why i have to play with myself now. she says she has given me chances, and she just went off on degrading me. she told me i get off her every once in 20 times, and that she doesn't understand why i ask for things from her, but when she wants to get off i don't do shit. says im horrible etc etc. i just don't know what to do. my confidence is just shot. i mean is it fair that she never wants to have sex ever anymore, but when she randomly finally does at 2 am in the morning, and i don't get hard in 1 min then she yells at me? i mean im a young guy and am ready to go usually all the time during the day but do not get any cause she is not horny. someone please give some advice, i am feeling like shit.

[demonbuttercup]

First off I'd suggest getting out of this abusive relationship. And that is just what it is. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Doesn't matter what she's "degrading or putting you down about". Whether its sex or whatever. Its the same if she said you were pathetic b/c you had a low paying job or you put her down for being overweight, lazy, or being a bad cook/house keeper, and vice versa

Some people like to keep one foot on others and put them down so that it makes them feel good and better about themselves. In the end its usually b/c they have low self esteem and are afraid of being the loser or dumpee so they get their kicks by making you feel like shit and making you feel like you are worthless and no other girl would ever want you so you are lucky to even have her.
I know you probably love her, but what's she's doing to you isn't love. And her making you feel like crap isn't going to help your situation mentally or help you in the bedroom.

I know you and that other guy Asiankid were having similar problems but from what I could see his g/f was really supportive and loving. I think he was starting to see a little improvement in his sex life. I can't remember, maybe he will come and give us an update.

I would just seriously take a good look at what she's done to *you and how she makes you feel? If you really love someone do you make them feel worthless? Do you beat them over and over again about the same situation, that apparently they have a real problem with?

No wonder you were having trouble last night when she's all, "don't touch me or do anything, I just want to get off". I mean how selfish is that?? That right there should tell you something.
Maybe if she had woken you up w/ a HJ or BJ your brain wouldn't have had time to wonder "oh will I fail again?" and you might have actually been able to perform.
Sorry if this is hard to hear and not what you wanted to hear, but that's my view on the matter.
Good luck!

[thetease13]

I'm with demon. As hard as it may sound and it may be (as I know things are much easier said than done), I think you need to be looking elsewhere.

I know if my guy started saying things like that to me, he'd been learning to get his kicks elsewhere.

[petunya]

The situation made me sad, reading it. It sounds like you are living with her, which probably makes it a lot harder to break up... you'll have to deal with moving out/her moving out, and she sounds like a f***ing B**** to me, so she'll probably argue and fight about it.

I say, you can do much better. You know why? Because you CARE and are TRYING to improve, and she doesn't appreciate it.

Maybe she is normally a loving person, but has become so frustrated about not being able to get off (which is mostly her responsibility, for not showing you how, I might add!!!) that she gets angry when it doesn't happen.

Maybe you should tell her that you won't try to get her off until she stops treating you like garbage, and that if getting off is so important to her, she would take time to show you exactly how to do it, instead of expecting you to work miracles. If she's lying there, expecting you to "fail", there's no WAY she'll get off! She has completely the wrong attitude.

I feel sorry you are tolerating this behavior from her. It seems like such a waste of a good man, one that actually puts in effort to try and improve his performance, and to please his partner! You are wonderful for that. All you need now is to find a woman that will appreciate you, and reciprocate.

A suggestion for increasing your stamina: try having something to distract you while you're doing it... I've heard that if you have a TV on in the background, a guy can last a little longer if he concentrates on the TV and not on what he is feeling until the time is right... but then it's kind of hard for him to pay attention to his partner... hm.

I really hope things get better for you.

[Rawbob]

I'm with Pet, TheTease and Deamon....there's little doubt that your're having trouble getting erect when there's so much stress involved with basic intimacy!

Clearly there's more going on here then just your ablity to "get her off."

I mean, from sex 2-3 times a day every5 times a week to NOTHING? I mean, this gal sounds like a lightswittch. Why, after your first few sexual sessions, dind't she bring up some helpful hints about having the sex last longer?

Sorry my friend, i think there's more to this issue then just sex. No "caring person" berates another person in the way she is.

Now, there are 2 sides to every story, but overall, I don't hold out high hopes for a relationship where there is so much tension about sex.

Remember, the two most common reasons relationships breakup is due to sex or money. The only way to fix both issues is to communicate openly, and honestly and work at it. Sounds like she's not willing do to either.

[lakers fan]

thanks for all your responses. The weird thing is that she used to like the sex alot. I used to get her off alot before, and she even told me then and tells me now that i am seriously the best sex that she has ever had. I just don't understand her sometimes. I mean she t has had, but then says something like we been f***ing for almost a year now and you are still cumming too fast. I suggested that maybe it was the new lube we use now, or the fact that we do not use condoms. I guess she she just expects it to be the best everytime? or for her to have multiple orgasms every time? I talked to her today and she suggested that maybe I should hang out with my friends more, since we are always together and i seem sad or depressed all the time when i am with her. She said maybe i will be happier, and that she would be happier too since i will stop bugging her or begging her for sex all the time. How am i supposed to feel when she says stuff like that? that she would be happier if i don't bug her for sex, or that my penis is a stupid little fucker. All this is on top of me doing everything for her, meaning rides, eating, etc etc. I mean is it wrong of me to ask for any kind of sex of some sort? It seems as though i am here to be her slave, or little bitch everyday and when i want something she says all i care about is sex and blowjobs.

[thetease13]

Another thing is have you really talked to her about how she's making you feel when she says those things to you?

I used "tease" my guy sometimes by hinting on things and never telling him exactly what it was and he eventually got annoyed and told me to stop doing it. I haven't done it since.
He used to say something to me that really really aggravated me but I chose to keep it to myself till the other day. He now knows to stop saying that to me.

If you don't know where the other person stands on an issue, the other one is going to keep going because they don't know it bothers you.

So really, if you choose to stay with her, you need to talk to her about it. Relationships are about communication. When the communication is lost, the relationship starts to break down and fall apart.

But honestly, anyone who is going to sit there and say things like your penis being a "stupid little fucker", is not worth anyones time. My personal opinion is it's time for her to leave and grow up.

[lakers fan]

tease, i actually did have a talk with her today. After waiting for an hour for her in the car till she got out of class, we went back to the house. Once she got there she said lets do it. I was real nervous cause i didn't want to mess up, and sure enough i did. Everything was ok until she said it hurt and to put on more lube. So i pulled out put more lube on and went a little soft. Sure enough, she got pissed. I asked her to maybe play with it for a few seconds to get him hard, and she snapped back with by the time i get him hard, there will be no lube left and we will have to do this all over again. Then I tryed to touch her breasts and suck on them, and she got really pissed and grossed out. So i just asked why can't she try and get me hard, and then she said okay and went and grabbed my penis really hard which hurt. she then tells me do you still want to do this cause the last 5 mins i haven't been horny anymore and that i can just jack you off. I then went on to tell her that it doesnt help that she yells at me all the time about this, and that im really sorry but all this pressure isn't good for me. she then say's well you should think something different then cause you mess up anyways when we do it. She then says i have been horny this whole week and you couldn't get hard. I told her that it was the pressure, and asked her when have i ever had a problem getting hard when she used to be nicer to me. After a few mins of cooling off i apologized for messing up, and stuff. She told me it just pisses her off when i ask for a blowjob, sex, or handjob and if i don't get it i get a little upset or mad. this is from earlier this week when We had got in a fight and i told her that i felt like i put 90 percent into the relationship and she put 10 into it and that it wasn't fair. So she told me yesterday that she would give me a blowjob. So last night comes at like 12 and i asked. She said later, then like 30 mins later she is like okay take the lititle fucker out hurry up. Who would want to get a blowjob when someone says something like that? so i said fine you don't have too. And today i said something like i didn't make like i didn't make you give me a blowjob last night, and that really pissed her off. I guess she says that she gets pissed when i ask for something, and why should she do anything when all i do is f*** up. She also says its probably cause my penis is so nasty, and just think about it all it is is a piece of meat hanging from my body? What the hell is that? What really gets me is why would she get so mad or grossed out with me wanting to touch her breasts, or even suck on them too. She said she doesn't like that when people do that to her. this made me feel bad because what does this mean Is she grossed out with me? find me disgusting or something? This made me think of her past relationships and got me to thinking how old or how dirty they were and i was thinking okay i am not nearly as ugly or dirty as any of those guys were. I know this was wrong to think like that, but that is what popped into my head, i know it should not matter what she has done in the past or who she has slept with. Its not that i get mad at her or anything, its just i feel i do so much for her in this relationship, and that she does absolutely nothing in return for me. i feel that relationships are 50/50 and that no matter the situation of whether one has to work or one doesn't, doesn't mean you don't have to do anything for the other. I don't know sorry for rambling on and on, but I am just all messed up it seems. The positive thing is she actually said she knows she shouldn't be so mean, but the only way that will stay like that is to never ask for anything from her i guess.

[demonbuttercup]

*blinks*
OMG
I dunno how to respond.
So your penis is nasty and just a piece of meat yet when she's wants the "piece of meat" to work, its all fine and dandy?
I don't know how you've put up with it this long.
Especially the name calling and then her to grab your member and be all rough and mean about it. You know she did it on purpose so you wouldn't ask again.
Just b/c she knows she's being mean doesn't mean she'll change or act differently.
I would totally start to let her do her own thing. Don't cater to her every need. Don't spoil her and DO EVERYTHING for her.

Don't think about the other guys either, she probably treated them like shit as well.
I still don't know how she can expect you to be turned on by a selfish bitch, excuse my remarks, but thats how I see it.
Any guy would have trouble performing around her.
If she's not willing to touch you and turn you on, then how does she expect things to work?
argh!

*

oh and ps
could you type paragraphs? sometimes its hard to read the long continuous post

[petunya]

Wow. *Wowy wowy wow. *Hm.

Well, try to stop asking her for anything. *Stop giving in to her when she makes demands on you. *TELL HER NO!!!

But at the same time, nagging her for blowjobs and handjobs is probably not a good idea. *If she says she will give you something, just sit back and see if she does. *She either will eventually, or she won't.

It sounds to me, that this relationship is entirely about sex. *She demands sex when she wants it, and you ask and nag her for sexual favors when you want them. *And then you both are getting upset and frustrated when you don't get it.

Try talking to her, and ask her if she will allow you to try and turn her on when YOU feel like it. *Tell her to give you a chance, to surprise her, but that if she doesn't like it, or isn't in the mood, then she should POLITELY tell you. *It doesn't hurt her to say "No, I'm not really in the mood right now." *instead of *"What the f*** are you doing?" *etc. *Tell her that if she just responds a little differently, it makes a HUGE difference.

And tell her that she can do the same... instead of demanding you to get hard, she can try "warming you up" so to speak. *It has been my experience that spontaneously/randomly kissing a guy and showing him that you want him, gets him hard in an instant.

She also needs to tell you what she needs sexually. *How many times can we say this to you? *YOU DON'T READ MINDS.

Quit tolerating her bullshit. *Just STOP TAKING IT. *You have just as much control over this relationship as she does, so tell her to straighten her ass out, or f*** off! *You can do better. *YES YOU CAN. *So tell her that. *Tell her that you deserve better treatment. *If she goes bitchy on you, and starts with her abusiveness, just GET UP AND WALK AWAY. *Tell her you don't want to hear it, and you won't listen until she starts talking to you decently.

Don't be afraid of confrontation with her. *There is nothing wrong with you or your penis, she's the one that is the problem.

**Sorry if I sound overly *passionate* about this, but it really angers me that she thinks she has the right to treat another human being like that. And I'm mad that you keep taking it from her, but I can't make you change. I can only hope. **