New City, New College, Same Girl...

[Nicholaz]

Posted: April 26 2004,20:46 *

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How do I forget someone who I've been with for a year? I'm 17 turning 18 this friday. I dated this girl whom I trust and loved. She, however, broke up with me a while ago and went with another guy from a different school.

I can't seem to forget her. Whenever something bad happens, I always imagine how things would be if she is still here. I see her everyday in school now so that's not helping any. I think it would be a lot easier once high school ended. She's going to New York and I'm heading to Seattle. She was the person who I felt actually cared for me and could talk to. I told her things I wouldn't even tell my best friend heh.

I've dated many other girls that were fun to be with, but I lost the trust. The longest one was three weeks. If there was any way that I could do to forget her and take her out of my memories, please tell me. I need to move on but how?
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That was my post a year ago when I was a senior in high school. Now I'm a freshman in college in Seattle. She's now a freshman in New York.
I've dated several girls in Seattle but it didn't go anywhere. She eventually left that guy she left me for and hasn't dated anyone since. I've talked to her via e-mail twice a month or something since college started. I saw her during Christmas and we "fell in love" again. I took her to a nice restaurant and we talked about what happened between us. We both felt that we've got everything straighten out and it's in our past now.
Of course Christmas only lasts for so long and we are back to college again. We're trying this Long D relationship, but I don't think it's going too well. We only talk to each other once every two-three weeks, because she doesn't have the most freedom for going to WestPoint. I, on the other hand, have way too much on my time which leaves my mind wondering.
This is the girl who I've dreamt to be mine again for the past year. Now she's finally here and I can't hold on? I have seriously thought about marrying her if we lived in the same city. I only get to see her for one week during the summer and one week during Christmas. Sometimes I find myself wondering why she doesn't spend five minutes just to say hi... I guess it's not only four years of college, because afterwards she has to work in a random station for five years and I have to go to Graduate School. Something is telling me to hold on and try to work things out, but another side of me is telling me this is hopeless and I'm just wasting my time. I donno...

[WallyLlama]

I didn't go back and check the comments last year...

There's only one answer to the question of why she doesn't spend five minutes to say "Hi." You are not a priority. That doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. An old management saying: "It's tough to remember you're trying to drain the swamp when you are up to your ass in alligators."

In your head you understand that and have clearly explained it. It makes a ton of sense, but it doesn't feel good. Long distance relationships are tough and often the focus of them is the loneliness and distance. Small wonder they rarely offer much fufillment.

The issue of "is this the right person?" and the issue of "can I be satisified with a LDR?" really get all intertwined and it's difficult if not impossible to sort them out - particularly when there's no time (or communication) to explore the right person issue.

I think you're seeing the question: you are she are destined to very different lifestyles for nearly a decade as you both pursue your individual careers and priorities. She appears to be getting "okay" with how you will fit into that.

You are not - or at least less so. Perhaps during on of those rare emails or conversations you might tell her that... and ask her how she does it. This won't work unless you both give each other time when it's needed - and tell each other that you do!

My one other thought is that I'd be cautious of making a life long decision and commitment based on a couple of dates a year. If you are not both headed in the same direction fundamentally, you are wasting your time and holding on to a fantasy because it's comfortable.