Considering Hypnotherapy

[Arodine]

Hi everyone,

I've been considering hypnotherapy and wondered if anyone had done this before in connection with an aspect of a relationship and whether people who had gone through it found it helped them.

The reason I am thinking of doing this is to feel better about, and not dwell on my ex gf. I was with her for about 2 years and although we broke up approximately 9 mths ago I'm finding it very difficult to forget about her and move on. Obviously the usual remedy for this kind of transition is simply time, but I still feel that I am simply consumed by thinking of her.

In part I feel it is attributable to my current situation and that I haven't been able to meet many new women and that those I've met haven't given me anywhere near the same feeling that I had with her.

The other reason is that after our break up she contacted me many times (I never contacted her), often after a month to three months later and would say how much she missed me and loved me etc. Like a sucker I fell for it each time and then just a few days later she would not want to talk to me again. Each time this happened I let myself think that we could have something again and then she would break my heart all over again. I've now changed my telephone numbers and blocked her from my email but I still find my self thinking about her (almost to the point of obsession). This level of thoughts about her has been particularly stupid because of how badly she has treated me. In short she has been manipulative, inconsiderate, cruel and has as far as I can see only contacted me when she has felt low and things haven't been going right for her. I'm appalled that i still think about her when really I should just feel relieved that such a terrible person who clearly has no respect for me is out of my life.

However, I still think about her to the point where it is having a very adverse effect on me. This is why I mention the idea of hypnotherapy because my need for her feel like an addiction. It like smoking to some extent where the person knows it is bad for them but craves it nonetheless. I just want her out of my life and although I've taken steps such as changing my phone numbers I find myself hoping that she will have written to me and there will be a letter waiting for me each morning. I guess part of it is that she has contacted me before when I've though there would be no way she would contact me again and each time she does this is simply reinforces that she might and of course it reinforces my feeling for her.

If anyone has any other suggestion they would be more than welcomed.

Hope you can help,

With thanks

Arodine

[WallyLlama]

Consider this: trying not to think about her is a guaranteed failure. Just look at the phrase "trying not to think about her."

She's in the phrase and nearly half of it.

As a former smoker I can tell you that trying not to think about cigarettes was not helpful.

There are two things that might help.

First, allow yourself to think about her but control what you think about her. Think about why she's gone and how good it is that she is. Remember that this problem is ultimately not about her - it is about you so you can even think about why you are obsessing about her - and consider her faults and why you deserve better. You are gaining some pleasure from thinking about her or you wouldn't be doing it. Find another way to get that pleasure.

Second, you can fill your mind and time with activities that encourage different thinking. If you do decide to pursue hypnotherapy, you'll find that part of it is creating new "triggers" and changing the impact of the triggers that are currently causing the undesirable feelings and behaviors.

A simple example: if getting the mail makes you think about her, change the way you get the mail or have some one else pick it up for you.

It sounds like you are on the way. Recognizing her as a habit is going to help. A habit does not have to be an addiction or obsession. There are many different ways to deal with habits; what works depends a lot on you.

[Arodine]

Thank you very much for your advice.Thinking about why she left and how good it is for me is certainly something I've tried to do. The problem is that there are just so many "triggers" for her because when I was with her she saturated my life. I seem to have built alot of very strong neural pathways where I associate many things with her, which in turn makes me dwell on the relationship and feel bad. I have made many changes to my life to try and "reframe" how I perceive some of those triggers but it is just simply not possible to exclude or alter them altogether. One thing I will be doing soon (hopefully) is to move house. Memories of her are not the only reason for doing this I might add.

The only clear way I can think of to sever the old connections with her are to have a new relationship, which would simply replace and transcend all those old memories of her. However the problem like I said is that I just can't seem to meet the women who could do that for me. Again I will be making changes to help resolve this but I just need to really leave her in the past once and for all.

To be honest I can't believe that someone who has been so terrible to me is able to have such a strong hold over me. I would certainly never let anyone do this to me normally - even very close friends who I've known for many years. I think part of the reason for this is that we had such strong dynamics between us (good and bad) where the highs were really high and the lows were really low. It reminds me of women (and men) who are in abusive relationships and althouigh one partner does the most horrendous things to the other the receipient doesn't leave him or her because strong dynamics are so difficult to leave even when they are really bad.

[cajdi2004]

A close family member of mine is a hypnotherapist. It is definately not what a lot of people think it is

(look at the watch, you are getting very sleepy......now bark like a dog)

But usually a way to give you subconcsious suggestions while you are in a relaxed and receptive state. It can be a very good way to train yourself to do many things like stop smoking, lose weight, feel more confident in yourself.

It could definately help you overcome this.

[Arodine]

Yes that was exactly what I was thinking. My only concern with such an idea is that it won't be a magic cure and probably shouldn't rest all my hopes on it.

[cajdi2004]

it is definately not a magic cure, but what is?

But I do recommend it as a help. any help contributes to the whole cure.