If only I knew....one mans road to sexual freedom

[Zebu]

I have read so many helpful articles here I thought I would share with you something that has changed my marriage and sex life for the better - and something that if I had done this years ago, when have been truly great. Something so easy – communication.

This is a long post, but if it helps one person….

I am 33 year old male, married for 11 years and togeather14. I am a highly sexed Scorpio and have always had a higher sex drive than my wife. We had both had other sexual partners before we met so we were not real green - but at 18/19 you think you know everything about sex – but believe me you don’t!!

My marriage with my wife is one of those fairy tale stories, we have had only a handful of arguments in our life, and talk and share about everything – except me/her when it came to sex!! I suppose like most people we were both shy with wanting to discuss our sexuality, even thou we have scraped the surface over the years in discussion and new what we both liked at a conventional level.

We had sex about 5 times a month for the first 6 years of our marriage, while I would have liked more , I was happy but a little disgruntled, but with such a great women….. Our sex life has been healthy , all be it conventional, bit of oral sex and the occasional toy thrown in, yet satisfying. I am lucky in that I have a wife who orgasms easily, vaginally and quickly, within a few minutes!! So I suppose as she is so easily pleased she wasn’t looking for anything additional in our sex life.

Then came kids, out went the sex, we made love about 2 to 3 times a month, My wife is a devoted mother, and the kids are her world. The kids are now 5 and 7. Since the kids arrived I became more and more frustrated sexually and emotionally. I began to resent the kids , as I couldn’t get close to my wife, both sexually and emotionally - thru the kids. Kids are always around (bless them!!), so as I got more frustrated, the wife is less keen in sex, because I am grumpy, and so the circle starts – a common story in most families with children. We defiantly began to drift apart.

I came to a point in my relationship, where I was so sexually frustrated, the thoughts of other women became very tempting in deed, I have always been a healthy masturbator, but it is not the same as a loving women and a connection in your soul.

As my sexual frustrations, fantasies and everything else I lusted for in my life, mounted over the years – I didn’t know where to begin to explain to my wife how I felt. Then We had a huge fight over something trivial, and I decided I was leaving. At this point I decided enough was enough, sex was the underlining problem in my life – but yet my wife thought all was well.

That very day I read a book – “Why men don’t listen and women cant read maps”, well that book nailed it on the head, amongst other things it explained the differences in male and females and sex – I read it and my wife read it. For the first time in my life I could see why sex is such a big issue for both sexes. And for the first time in my life I realized I had be repressing my sexuality for so many years, playing down my sex drive and desires etc etc. I but by crikey , I decided Its time I was just me and let my sexuality oozy, why should I repress my feelings and desires, I am a male and have the same primal urges as evry other male creature on this planet!!

I decided I had nothing to lose. I didn’t know how to explain this, so I wrote long letter to my wife, that way I could cover everything in one hit, all my cards on the table. For me sex has always been about pleasing my wife first, me second. We, like most couples never really came straight out and said in detail what how, when, why and where of what we wanted in our sexual relationship. I wrote every detail about me at a sexual level, want I needed , want I wanted to give, what I needed to give her, why im so frustrated etc etc etc. All the things you are always to shy to give and ask for in return.

When my wife read it , we discussed it. She had no idea this was such a big issue. She never realized us men think about sex once very 10mins and have an average of 20 erections in 24hrs (on a bad day ), that we can give ourselves an erection on demand etc etc .

That day I got another book “ Good relationships, great sex” – this book was fascinating and me and my wife read it from cover to cover, it covers everything about sex and relationships, the different perspectives from both male and female side. I learnt so much about the way my wife thinks and vice versa. But mist of all I realized I was just “normal”

Since then , our sex life and our relationships has gone thru the roof! We are in love again.

In short, we set aside time alone, go out to dinner once a fortnight, or just time alone at home (each day). My wife now sees its ok to not always have the kids around – we need our own time.


Also we discovered ways on how to deal with different desires , that sex doesn’t always have to be about penetration, that we can agree on different levels of participation depending on how we feel – this takes the pressure off both partners

But also I learnt from these books about how women tick – and can now use different tactics in day to day life to arouse our partners – a slap on the rump and a “you up for it” does nothing for a women!

We have agrred to have sex much more often (one of my biggest complains was that with sex every 10 days, all I do is cum pronto, and its not that satisfying.!

We now have sex every 2 or 3 nights (remember we have yound kids), I have told her my every whim and delight sexually , she is slowly sharing hers. We are both losing our inhibitions as we openly discuss what turns us on and off. We spent hundreds of dollars at a sex shop, bought a karma sutra book, etc and she is so willing to please. She now comes before me and I can go all night, with all my sexual baggage gone!!!

In short, talk to your wife. Discuss this be open and honest. My wife never put 2 and 2 together and figured sex was the underlining friction in our marriage, she was happy with the sexual side of the relationship. But with the openness , lovemaking has gone to another level. Even she is blown away , and is discovering her true sexual nature. We are experimenting and enjoying….

Hope that helps someone.