wife a sex monster?

[openminded]

my wife and I were in a club... we were looking for sex with another girl. unfortunately there were only men. we wanted to leave but we stayed for a few drinks and when my wife had a few glasses too much she wanted to have sex ... in front of the other men... all of a sudden a man joined us and she let him. I was surprised but it was ok... after she climaxed a several times because of him and me three more men joined us and she let them have sex with her... I had a few more drinks because I was very nervous... to make a long story short... finally she had sex with eight men but she never wanted that to happen... but now she wants to have a gangbang with blacks (like five or eight men). Is she now a sex addict?

[lilly2279]

if you had had sex with eight other women would you be a sex addict?

I always find it surprising that there are so many couples who "swing", but only with other women. When a man joins in, the men are all surprised and insecure.

[iamawesum69420]

She's not a sex addict. She's just tried something new and now she likes it. Just be supportive of her new exploration.

[openminded]

sorry I didn't tell you... she had threesomes with men before... so it's not that I'm complaining about other men but she wants a gangbang with only black men ... in other words without me... she wants me to watch. even her 2 new vibrators have a realistic color of black penises (she has already 1 but a white one) during sex she has always her black vibrators in use. before she didn't like using a vibrator during sex. sometimes she's using them in front of the tv watching interracial gangbang movies when I'm in bed sleeping or when she thinks I'm sleeping ... she is obsessed with that fantasy.. I don't know what to do... I'm not black...

[iamawesum69420]

It sounds like she just has some curiosity when it comes to black men. It doesn't mean she's less attracted to you. I have always had a certain fascination with black men and have found them to be very attractive. Right now my current boyfriend is white and this doesn't affect our relationship. I'm sure that all of us have fantasies or facsination with a certain type of person. Whether it be someone from a different race, somone of a certain profession, a certain body type, etc...

[yetagainsorrows]

I agree with Iamawesum, she is enjoying something that intrests her right now. I can't speak for her but for me, it goes in phases. We explore and try and some times when it is out of my system I don't go back to it. Or maybe it wasn't like I was thinking it would be like and decided to leave it to my fantasy and porn.

The big point and I do mean big is that you are married and this should not become an issue. Communication is the key. If you are not comfotrable, like you sound. Then ask her not to live her fantasy out. It's about love, respect for you as well as herself. Was she upset that she had sex with all those men at the club, she didn't think it was going to be that many. Did she see it as she went too far? Drinking and loosing all inhabition is not good either, does she only think of living this fantasy when she is out having fun?

There is nothing wrong with her being open to her sexual being, but you are a pertner in this and it should be SAFE, FUN, and AGREED on by both parties.

[oberon]

This immediately brought to mind a couple of cliches...
"Be careful what you wish for..." and "What's grain for the gander is grain for the goose."

Anytime couples become involved in adding extra people to their relationship, they need to be VERY secure with each other first. *There should be a very high level of trust and definite ground rules.

It sounds like you only thought how you felt about this situation, as in... "I get to have sex with another woman." *You didn't consider that to mean that you were a sex addict. *Now, your wife has interests and fantasies... and you feel insecure. *

You need to sit down and talk this out with her. *Make sure you both understand the limits and rules (make sure you talk about safe sex, as well). *Let her know your feelings and listen to her's. *Otherwise, this could really mess up your relationship.

Good luck and take care.

[Rawbob]

Hmmmm....let me get this right:

1) You went to a swing club in hopes of finding a female 3rd. So, i'm assuming that you two talked about it and agreed on some sort of extramarital sex. I'm also a bit surprised you were surprised that there were a number of single men hoping to get laid at a swing club......but..we'll talk about that in a minute...

2) You have had 3ways with a 3rd male, so you have seen her with another guy.

3) You both drank too much? Hmm....i'm assuming that you made a determination early on that there were not alot of single gals looking for a MFF 3way? So, why did u stick around? If you did stick around, and u WERE drinking alot, then it's pretty easy to understand why she/you had lost alot of your inhibitions as the number of drinks increased.

4) I'm a bit confused when you say

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]finally she had sex with eight men but she never wanted that to happen

. I have been to many swing clubs, and one of the CARDINAL RULES of Swinging is and has been - NO MEANS NO. So, if she was drunk, and started letting guys f*** her, and neither you or her said "STOP" i'm a bit dubious of you saying she dind't want to have sex with 8 men.!

5) Now she wants a gang bang with many black men? Well, sounds like you have already talked about her fantasies of being with a black man, and now, after being fucked by 8 men, which you say she never wanted, she NOW wants 8 black men to f*** her while u watch?

Sorry buddy, but it sounds a bit like you have been so focused on having YOUR fantasies fulfilled, that you weren't reading the signs - or worse yet, listening/communicating with your wife - of HER fantasies.

As others have said, becareful what you wish for. Once you open the door of swinging and extramarital sex, you have to be responsible for managing that part of your marriage.

That means TALK, LISTEN, HEAR, COMPROMISE, and of course, BE SAFE.

Oh, did your wife make the guys use condoms or did they f*** her unprotected?

As far as her fantasy goes, guess what, you're kinda stuck. You 2 have obviously talked about swinging and so you can't really take some things off the table when you dont' like what they are!

From what you've said, being with black men is a huge fantasy of hers. Now, from my experience, you have to manage that fantasy. You need to be involved in setting it up, screening the guys, setting up teh situation, etc. Now, i would STRONGLY urge you to talk to her about the reality of fnding guys like that, and the risks. But, if she really wants it, you need to be supportive - and just make it safe.

Oh, and if you use the "If you get to gangbang 8 black guys then i get to......................" you're in deep shit! This is not a "quid pro quo" thing. This is about you both exploring your sexual fantasies. You need to do it as a couple and make sure that you're both doing it because you deeply love and trust each other. That fulfilling fantasies is a part of your marriage FROM TIME TO TIME! Remember, anything done to excess will lead to problems. So you both should agree upon rules of engagement.

Manage it.....u can't forbid it! Make sure you really screen the guys....meet them all first in a public place to make sure you can trust them, and also ask that they ALL use protection.

[openminded]

of course we talked about it before and we had threesomes before... mmf and mff ... so nothing surprising about that... I saw her with a few guys before ... one time a foursome (me and two blacks f***ing her) but I was surprised she wanted to have sex with me in front of all those men... then I was surprised because she let everybody have sex with her who joined us... I'm sure she wouldn't stop... she didn't care who and how many fucked her ... that was surprising ... (by the way of course they had condoms)
we weren't really drunk... we both had a tipsy ... we had talked about gangbangs and she always said that would turn her off ... (I meant that with finally she had sex with eight men but she never wanted that to happen) sorry for the confusion... we talk, etc.. but i'm afraid now that she will have her best f*** and afterwards always thinking about sex with blacks... and losing interest in me ... she did already something in a paper looking for a group of blacks 5 to 12 ... she doesn't wanna meet them before ... she wants to feel like a slut... the foursome with two blacks I mentioned before, during sex she felt like a slut because the two blacks were like: you white slut take my black c@@k in your dirty mouth ... she was shocked but she liked that and now with the gangbang she felt again like that ... now she combines the two times she had that special feeling (feeling like a slut) blacks and a gangbang .... you understand what I mean ... sorry for my english

[iamawesum69420]

Well just talk to her about you feeling insecure. Tell her the same things you're saying on here. That you think she'll lose interest in you. I'm sure that's not it at all. Maybe you can try some things to make her feel like a slut (even though I HATE that word). Maybe by calling her names and talking to her like the other guys did.