Practical advice or ideas for just married people

[Tjdude]

Hi all!!!
Hey guys, i'm just about to get married in a month (March 12), and since every one i know is so eager to give me some advice, i want to ask you people if u have any good advice so we can last for ever. I don't want something like:
"Have good communication..." or "talk with each other"
I want something like this:
I rember that Wiseman, an old member from this board, wrote some time ago that the secret to his long marriage was that every time he and his wife had a fight, the last one to go to bed had to apologize to the other. That way they never lasted more than one day angry at each other. I guess they realy had to love each other in order for that to work, but the thing is that i realy think that's a good idea. If you have anything like that, or something that worked for you, let me know.

Wish me luck

[oberon]

Congratulations, Tjdude! And best wishes to the bride!

Hmmm... marriage advice... never been there...lol. How about... look for and explore the differences in your personalities. Don't let them cause problems. Look at them as a chance to learn something new and see things in another light.

Good Luck!

[lilly2279]

Well i was married for 7 years and am divorced. I am with a wonderful boyfriend now. What seems to work for me now is that I always make sure I apologize if I'm being a bitch or being snippy about something stupid. I apologize right away if I know I've been wrong.

I also do not let things get to a boiling point. If something is aggravating me I'll "suggest" we do this another way and see what he thinks. Sometimes little things can add up.

Most of all, make sure you take time to laugh together. Tickle her a bit in the morning, kiss her neck when she's got her back to you. Hold her hand and look at her at least once every day and make sure every day, every time you separate you tell each other you love them. They may "know" but it's always nice to hear. If you think she looks sexy in her robe and slippers, tell her so. these are little things you can do to make her feel special, hopefully she'll then take the ball and do the same for you.

Goooood luck

[Tjdude]

Thanks Obe, you are right, diferences some times make a relationship more interesting.

And Lilly, that's a great advice too, i'm one of those people who thinks that "those little details" are the ones that really matter.




Any one else??? :P

[WallyLlama]

If you haven't already done it, sit down and agree on the purpose(s) of your marriage. Don't settle for the vague notion "we love each other and want to be together." Get down some specific things you want to accomplish together, as individuals an a couple.

When things get rocky, you go back to your list and get re-focused on the important stuff; not who forgot to put the cap on the toothpaste. So much of marriage (or any relationship, really) is about perspective. Knowing who you are and what you want will help you keep perspective.

[cajdi2004]

no advice on the marriage, advice is great, but you will have to learn by experience, its the only way.

but one word of advice on the pre-wedding: if you live together, move apart for the last couple of days or a week. if you dont, you are likely to kill each other from the stress before the wedding!

[Tessie]

Do the dishes once in awhile
Don't leave your socks lying right next to the hamper
If she is in a bad mood don't assume its PMS she just might be pissed off for a real reason.
You are both not mind readers so if you got something to say then say it.

Mostly remember that people are complex and they do change over time. Learn to grow together or you will grow apart.

[Tjdude]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]if you live together, move apart for the last couple of days or a week. if you dont, you are likely to kill each other from the stress before the wedding!

She is living at her mother's house until we get married. And it 800 miles from where i live ,so we don't see each other so often. The next time we'll se each other will be at the church. :P But yea stress is killing me!!!

Ok, let me write this ...

Do the dishes and pick up the socks ...

Thanks Tessie

By the way, what does a wife would want from the husband in "those days". To be all thay with her doing nice things for her or just to get the hell out of the way and no bother her with anything?

[Rawbob]

I was marreid for 12 years, divorced, and am now in an 8-year relationship:

Here are some of my thoughts, not advice, but whats worked for me:

1) Never be afraid to say "i'm sorry" because their anger/frustration/disappointment with you - no matter how irrational to YOU is real to him/her. You aren't going to lose anything my saying, "I'm sorry what i did/said/didn't do, made you feel that way.

2) DON"T FALL INTO A COMFORT ZONE. It's tough with our busy lives not to fall into a rhythem. The problem with a "routine" is that it gets to be jsut that - routine. To keep the excitment in your marriage you have to be wiling to change your routine every 12 months or so.

3) Work at it eveyr day. MOst of us just get past the initial "newness" of married life and get..well..lazy. It kinda goes with #2 above, but i konw that i work 10000 times harder at this relationship then i did on the 1st marriage.

4) SEX WILL DECREASE OVER TIME! Unless you're in the adult industry, the daily sex, spontaneous sex, etc. will slowly turn to sex 5 or 6 itmes a month - not a day. Just know it, it's not bad, its normal and you need to just be aware that sex, like love is a decision. So, if you do 1, 2 and 3 above, the lieklyhood of having more sex (and better sex) increases.

5) LOVE YOURSELF! You still have to love yourself because thats alot of what he/she fell in love with too!

6) You're not single anymore - eveyrthing you do, say, buy, etc impacts your spouse - act that way and he/she will respect you alot!

CONGRATS TJ!

[lilly2279]

Yes, everyone is giving such great advice! I love the picking up the socks part!

If you both are working full time, try to at least divide the household responsibilities to a balance that works for both of you. Sometimes it is expected that the woman do all the work and it can get REALLY old! She could start to feel like your maid and be resentful. Maybe not everyone is that way, but I know I get like that.

We try to balance things. We both clean the house, he starts on one side, I start on the other and we meet in the middle. If one cooks the dinner, the other washes dishes, etc. If she's like me, she may be picky about how she wants things done. lol. Just do the best you can and don't worry if it's not done exactly how she likes it. Men sometimes don't have the eye for detail that women have. (not saying all men!) It just helps if you know he is trying to share responsibility. If I was a housewife or stay at home mom it would be different, but with both of us working, it should be shared.

I believe things will work for you just because you are already trying so hard to make sure you do the right things. I think that is soo sweet! Good luck. You will do fine! How exciting!