Husband loves to receive anal sex (Sorry Long)

[Bentover 29]

HI,
I'm new to this messageboard. I am a married man, and have been with my wife for almost 9 years. we have been together for about 12. When we were in our teens, I confided in my then girlfriend about a deep desire I had (and still have) to be penetrated and for lack of better terminology at this early hour, f*cked in the *ss. She thought the idea was kind of cool, so we went to the sex shop and bought a strap on dildo.
The one I found was pretty large 6 inches and bout four inches in diameter. I was a little scared and ever so excited at the same time. My first time was good for me I enjoyed it completely after the first couple of minutes. By the third or fourth time, my wife was really into it. She would initiate anal intercourse suggest larger dildos (my favorite being an 8"X 5.5" in diameter monster), get into different types of sex from slow and sweet to kinky and degrading (the latter if which being my favorite).
I have since owned three different strap ons, She started having objections to using a large didlo on me, so we purchaced a smaller thinner one. She stopped initiating anal sex entirely a couple of years back and when I ask her about it she says she still likes it, but her words seem to be hollow. I told her that if she for some reason found f*ucking me in the *ss to be a turn off, that she didn't have to feel obligated to do it for me.
I have the following problem, I LOVE it when she does me. I can come time after time after time without ejaculating while she fucks me. She never wants to initiate anymore and I get the impression that she has lost interest in this type of sex entirely, if she had any at all in the first place! (although she swears to the contrary) or worse that she was engaging in this "perverse" activity to keep her sexually deviant boyfriend/husband happy.
I am starting to feel the seeds of resentment sprouting, I am feeling a little like I am being lied to and if we do have anal sex it's just to shut me up.

I am not sure what I should do,
any advice?

P.S. I do not intend to offend anyone in anyway with my tone, If I have, i truely appologize.

[lilly2279]

Do you continue to have regular sex? Do you give in to her whims and desires, as well?

Maybe she is feeling like she is the one constantly serving you, obviosly she would not be the one cumming over and over again if she's penetrating you with a dildo.

You know they make strap ons that also have an insert for the woman? Maybe couple that with a little vibrater for her clitoris? That could be new, fun and exciting for her?

Maybe taking some time to give her multiple orgasms and taking extra good care of her will make her want to do it to you.

I think it's cool that you like it and admit it, there's not a thing wrong with it or sexually deviant. lol. I looove anal sex, but my boyfriend is totally not into it. It's just easier to orgasm. and I have no idea why! He says he'll do it, if I want him to.. but I would hate to feel like I'm forcing him into it. lol.

so you're lucky she is already so adventurous. Just find some fun, adventurous outlets for her too, so you have equal multiple orgasms!! Then she won't be able to wait to give it to you!

[Tessie]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]I am starting to feel the seeds of resentment sprouting, I am feeling a little like I am being lied to and if we do have anal sex it's just to shut me up.

You need to nip this in the bud and have some open communication with your wife. Once those seeds spout they are damn hard to remove. (Did that just sound like gardening advice? * )

Lilly's advice is pretty good on maybe it's the toy. I know when I did the strap on it was hard work and I didn't get much sexual stimulation out of it other then knowing I was pleasing him. Which I will add is not a bad thing. It truly annoys me when a couple thinks they both have to be getting something out of it. Sometimes its enough just to make my man happy. Not that I don't expect the same treatment from him at times.

[Bentover 29]

Lilly,
I do take care of her needs. I am always attentive to her needs. I have too many aquaintances and friends who have ignored reciprocity, or who are selfish with thier significant others, and it drives me crazy. I learned her combination a long time ago and I continue to try to find ways to leave her gasping for air every time we are together (sometimes better than others). I am also vigilant in other less fun aspects of our lives together (cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc.) I don't believe in "women's work" *and "men's work" (although I don't ask her to mow the lawn, I am bigger stronger heavier and it's easier for me to do). Being married is a partnership. If something needs to be done, it should be done, chores should be shared, cooking should be done by both spouses. (You never know when your wife or husband is going to be out of town for a meeting or conference *)
* * * *I like to make life for my wife easy. It makes me feel good knowing that she can relax after work. I know she enjoys that just as much as I do.
* * * Thank you for the response. I just wanted to clarify that I am not a selfish pig. I just felt I was rambling too long already in my initial post

[Rawbob]

Well, there are a few quick things that come to mind as i have read your post:

1) She may see the passion and emotions you exhibit while she fucks u, and compares that to how you look when you 2 are making love traditionally!

2) She may think that you've moved from a bit "kinky" to wanting cock more than pussy! There is ALOT of stuff on tv (Oprah for one example, and a few shows i've seen on bravo and lifetime) where women tell stories about how their husband enjoyed being fucked anally via strap-on, only to find out he was also meeting men secretly to get the real thing!

i'm NOT saying you are gay at all....or even bi...but trust me, women process things diffrently! And i'm sure she's seend your progression from dildo-to-dildo as an unbalanced desire and something that needs to be squelched!

Now, you can't MAKE her want to f*** u with a strapon! If you have NO bi/gay inclinations at all, then you have to balance your need for a toy in your ass against your marriage/relationship.

Hey, if she dosn't want to strap one on and f*** you, then you can buy a dildo with a suction cup and go to town in the bathtub or on the flooor or on the headboard of the bed. She dosn't have to be there and u can get your needs met that way! You don't hve to destroy your marriage if it's all about a toy in your ass!

If it's about being "fucked" by a woman and de=humanized and degraded then you have anotehr issue!

I think you may want to consider some counseling before this gets too far past where it is now. I sense some desperation in your voice and the startings of "self-justification" for things you may need to or want to do to get your needs met! CAREFUL ....it's a slippery slope of lies, deception, and of course disease (if u play with a hooker or any otehr stranger).


Any chance you could get your wife to post her thoughts on the question here?

[dermottsean]

sounds good ,does it give you any feeling you might want a mans penis in you ,do not want to be gay love toplease

[EvilEvilKitten]

This post really isn't about anal sex - it is about a wife becoming distant from her husband. This is not good and it needs to be addressed - out of the bedroom. Do NOT mention anal sex in any way. Just stop asking for it for now. This is NOT about your desire for anal sex. There's something else going on and she's not talking to you about what is really bothering her.

"Honey, I love you dearly but I feel like you're moving away from me and I'd hate to lose you. Please talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling."

[Blink]

01-27-2005

You're a couple years late, EEK.

[2peepsnluv]

Maybe its me but are you being true to your feelings. Now before I am attacked, I am not saying that you are gay or bi but you certainly sound gay-ish or bi-ish. I guess I am one of those people who watch Oprah and Lifetime becasue if my hubby came to me and said strap it on, I want you to f@@k me in the ass, I would have some concerns. Maybe your wife watched that episode of Oprah too~

[GuruGuy]

Have you tried anal stimulation in other ways. The strap on is one of the most extreme forms, and it leaves the woman quite physically distant from you. It is the form of anal pleasure where she has to act like a guy, and that might be getting to her now that the initial excitement of it has passed.

I'd suggest you try bringing your ass into play in different ways, perhaps get some non-phallic anal toys that look fun. Avoid the strap-ons for a bit and see how she does with just 'straight' anal play. See how she feels about giving you fellatio while using a toy in your ass. The prostrate massagers, I've got the Aneros ones, are a very non-phallic option that can sit in there and do it's work while you guys get up to all kinds of things.

Perhaps plan a few sessions with your wife where you concentrate completely on her, look up the body worship posts here for some ideas. You may want to masturbate before hand to minimise the cravings!

You don't mention whether she is into receiving anal play, but again, I suspect you've never done it to her without expecting it in return. Just trying that, even once, could really work to reset her attitude to what you want and get her excited about it again.

Hard as it sounds, deliberately refuse anal sex a few times if she offers it. This can show her that she is much more important to you than getting assf**d. That, I suspect, may be a core of the problem, you might come across caring more about getting it in the ass than you care about her. I'm sure that's not true. It sounds as if you have an amazing woman there - work on showing her she is most important, try some non-strap on anal play, and I hope that she will relax and get back into what you both loved in the past.