Man is satisfied But....

[Phanto]

Hi all,

I gotta question


How do I explain...ok First, we both have gained a little weight since we've been married (3 yrs no kids) so i dont feel as sexy as I want to be. He says he is attracted to me and loves me to death. But I cant help feeling a bit slighted when he looks at porn. Becuz i know I dont look like those women. And even if I did my guess is that he wouldnt stop looking at them anyway.

What prompted this is that we had (we have sex at least 4 or 5 times a week so no one is lacking) sex twice this particular day. And in the evening he is looking at porn again and masterbating. I asked him if he was satisfied sexually and emotionaly and he said yes. He says he just looks at the porn for variety. Is it normal for a man who is sexually and emotionaly satisfied to continue to look at porn for "variety"?

What makes a man look at porn even if he is satisfied?Boredom? Stress?

It just bugs me. I have told him how it makes me feel but it doesnt seem to make a difference. All it will make him do is look at porn without me around.

Anyway Thanks for any response

Phanto

[vagabondprince]

there are a few things i could say, but right now i'll just leave it at this.

at least he's not sleeping with other women "for variety"

[emoney]

Your man loves you.Period. The porn thing is pure fantasy.Thats all porn will ever be.Thats why it seems as if the girls are enjoying everything the men do and men seem to always be "well-endowed." I really dont beleive anything is wrong since you say your sex life isn't lacking.The porn is just his escape from reality for 2-3 minutes(I dont know about anybody else but,but thats all the time porn gets from me).Just keep the sex life intact and everything should be fine,I think.

[monie]

This is more than just an issue about porn, and its more than just an issue about sex. Its an issue about you and your views and feelings.

I understand you feeling bothered about the porn, I've been there. I was able to recognize what the real problem was and find my own solution.

Now matter how hard we try, we cant sit here and say something that's going to change this. Only you can do that.

You have to recognize what the true problem is. I suspect a few possibilities. For one, you seem to be questioning your sexiness when he looks at porn. This could boil down to a self-esteem problem. I'm not saying you do have one, I'm just trying to make you realize it is a possibility.

Another possibility is this: you are trying to understand why he looks at the porn. This is a BIG mistake. Its as simple as this- men and women often view things differently. For him, it is most likely a way to a release, a way to escape into fantasy for a while. There is nothing wrong with this whatsoever. In fact, its fun and healthy. He has told you that he is satisfied and happy with you, why should you think differently? Believe him.

You two need to come to a compromise. Do not try to make him stop looking at it, this will just cause problems. He in return should show you more respect and not do it in front of you. Perhaps him keeping his porn to himself would make you more comfortable?

Please take the time to think about these things. Realize that he wont just stop looking at it, AND realize that he is satisfied with you and loves you. Once you recognize these things you will be able to come to a conclusion that satisfies both of you.

Good luck. If you want to talk more about this feel free to PM me.

[Phanto]

I believe you have a valid point about my self esteem Monie. Even I know it and I am trying to work through it, I have always been my own worst critic.

I just wanted to make sure and I guess be re-assured that what he does is just what guys do. Its not a HUGE issue or anything I just wanted to hear what other people feel and do.

Thanks


Phanto