Want to be fire in her eye

[vagabondprince]

ok, i'm drunk, so there are two things you have to realize.
1. i'm not as cllear sounding as i normally am;
2. and i'm more serious than ever.


I am in love with my "ex" girlfriend. trying not to play footsie with her while we were eating lunch at the dining hall is one of the many things that has made me realize this.

and she still has feelings for me. if she didn't have feelings she wouldn't have hugged me for 2+ minutes without letting me go. the thing is she's not so sure of herself. she claims not to know anything for sure, and after a year and a half knowing her, i'm pretty sure she really isn't sure of much. especially concerning our relationship.

My concern is that during this time while she's trying to figure out just what she wants, even after knowing she has feelings for me, i'm waiting for her to make her decisions so i can be with her again. her deal is that we have done so much to each other to hurt each other (just two examples are her sleeping with a guy over summer break, and me hooking up with a chick after we had just started a "break" in our relationship last semester (the best i can describe this was the way it happened in "Friends" between ross and rachel).
After that little fling happened between me and the other girl my gf and i broke up. and after talking to her just after breaking up i realized that i had been basing all of my feelings for my relationship on the mistake she made over the summer (she made this "mistake" on the basis that we weren't together over the summer, and after talking to me a while later realized was somewhat of a mistake if you will). after talking to her quite a bit over break we figured out we had feelings for each other still. the thing was/is, she was going from the basis that we had caused each other pain in what we had done to each other in what i had described and at other times, and she still isn't sure she's ready to say that she can date me still if some other guy that shows a reasonable amount of potential comes along.

I'm writing this because i'm drunk officially...but i'm really writing this because at any other time i don't even feel comfortable sharing the whole story and asking for advice. right now i'm in love with her, and i know she has feelings for me. i just don't know if those feelings from her are strong enough to justify a committed relationship. and she doesn't want to commit (and neither do i) until she knows she's ready to be in a steady, commited relationship with me.

I want to be the fire in her eye. i want to be the guy she'll date knowing that she may be missing out on something else because she's dating me, but i know that hasn't happened yet. i'm looking for any insight any of you can give me.

[emoney]

Dude!!All I can say is, even though you are waiting on her to say she wants to be with you again,dont.Dont do it because she'll think she some kinda power over you, even if you do wanna get back with her.I'm not saying move on neccesarily,just dont be too hung up on her and her decision.Go out and meet some new girls,it serves two purposes.(1)If she doesn't take you back then you already have someone ready to go and the new girl can help you get over the old one. (2) If she does take you back,you'll always have the option of having a little extra on the side.

[Phanto]

all I can say is that if she is unsure of what she wants, it may be a very long time before she does. And you may wait a long time but if you love her that much to wait for her then go for it.

If you do get together if you are both commited to each other in a relationship and thats what it would probably take for both of you to get over the hurt you have caused each other. You both have to look beyond what happened and realize people screw up.

but you said (havnt figured out the quote thing) "and she doesn't want to commit (and neither do i)" It would probably work out for the best if you dont hook up with her again, if you do *you might end up with really hurt feelings bc of the back and forth since neither one of you is commited in ur relationship

Lifes short, learn from the past but dont dwell on it and move on

Just my thoughts

Phanto

[vagabondprince]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Phanto @ Jan. 14 2005,15:20)]but you said (havnt figured out the quote thing) "and she doesn't want to commit (and neither do i)"

you missed part of that quote... the whole sentence read "and she doesn't want to commit (and neither do i) until she knows she's ready to be in a steady, commited relationship with me."

by that i meant that she's not ready to get back together with me until she's ready to commit and be faithful to me, and i don't want to get back together with her until she's ready to do that either.

like i said in the post, i was drunk when i wrote it, so things may not be clearly stated, but like i also said, i meant it.

[vagabondprince]

i must say...i'm a total moron. and i mean when i'm drunk. i am not refering to the night i started this thread...i'm talking about last night. we had a hall crawl at the fraternity house, and by one or two i was beyond remembering my actions. my ex (the one i'm trying to patch things up with) was there, having been invited by me. so i started flirting and putting my moves on some girl, and my ex came to tell me she was leaving, and i simply brushed her off (this is all just third person accounts of the happening). then i went back to the girl and started kissing her, while my ex was still watching me. i am a moron

[WallyLlama]

Well, there are a few people on this board who enjoy arguing more than sex, apparently. But I don't think you will get much argument with your statement that you are "a moron."

That's one reason I never respond to a post that's clearly been written while the poster is drunk or high.

The next time you are tempted to post about your deep longing to get back with her... or how miserable you are without her... come back and read this thread.

You might even begin to understand why she doesn't want to commit.

Four nights in a row?!!

[monie]

Vaga, I know it may not be my business, but I'm begging you to lay off the drinking. Four nights in a row?? And i know that youre not doing it for a fun time. Trust me, this kind of stuff can seriously screw some things up. And it seems like you're already well on your way to doing just that.

If you really care about getting back together with your ex, you'll at least take the first step and sober up. Your recent actions can do no more than cause more problems.

[vagabondprince]

what still baffles me right now is that up until that point two nights ago practically my whole life, as in the free time after i took care of stuff like classes, my ROTC obligations, my fraternity obligations, was dedicated to figuring out how to get back together with my ex. i was trying to do just enough, not so much that she'd feel smothered and pressured to make a hurried decision, but still doing enough to keep me on her mind and all.

so then on saturday night, after having consumed an ungodly amount of alcohol, which had the effect of blocking any memory from forming and remaining in my mind so that i cannot think back and figure out what in the world i was thinking, i started flirting with another girl while my ex was still at the party and apparently for part of the time in sight of me. It bugs me that even in that state i'd throw so much hard work out the window. It bugs me that i can't say whether or not me hooking up with the one girl happened because of something that my ex might perhaps have done - it could possibly have been because she was flirting excessively with other guys, but i can't say that with any certainty at all; it could also be because i'm still bitter about what she did over the summer and decided it might be a good way to get back at her, or i may have just seen this other girl and had a crazy love-at-first-sight experience. I may never know why it happened, but i know there must have been something that caused me to do what i did.

in response to the two last posts, thank you both for your concern. i appreciate it immensely. i am currently addressing my problem. I understand now why she's been so reluctant to take that step back into a relationship with me, and i will understand it if she decides she doesn't want a relationship at all now. in fact i don't know if i want a relationship anymore just because i don't want to put her through this kind of pain again should something like this happen again.

[finewine]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (vagabondprince @ Jan. 17 2005,12:08)]i don't know if i want a relationship anymore just because i don't want to put her through this kind of pain again should something like this happen again.

dear vagabond,
i feel your pain.
i will ask you one simple question. can you live without her?
i asked this question of a friend of mine who was in a very similar situation as you.
the deepest of all loves is agape. it is a willful commitment without the emotional fuzzes.
if you cannot live without her, then make the commitment to win her over no matter what and work to change yourself to be loveable to her. if you can live without her then break the relationship. it seems to me that you are smitten with the deeper love and can't live without her simply because you are thinking of her before yourself in the quote.
love is about accepting each other, warts and all, for better for worse, and a whole lot of forgiving and wanting the higher good for each other. *
my question to you both is what are you afraid of?
you cannot know the joy and ectasy of *perfect love without risking the pain. the pain only endures if there is more love of self than love of other.
so each of you work on your self to become the selflessness of perfect love that casts out all fear and do so hand in hand, for a life time together in a committed relationship of the mind, the heart, and the body.
my friend went half way around the world, jepordized his growing business, and alienated many who knew him to stand at the door of his love at 6:30am, no sleep, facing angry family members, to tell her he was an idiot but could not bare to live his life without her in it.
if you cannot see your life without her, maybe you should do something like that to let your ladylove know the depth of your love.

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

Dude, sometimes.. when i read your posts.. i feel like just saying "LET GO". cause i duno i ffeel lik eit would be the same situation as it was before.. and you'd end up hurt again.. but i honestly feel you should just let it go. and let i tbe.. and move along.