What do you guys want?

[tanita]

What do you guys really want?

Could you describe what do you spect from your girlfriends?

Please help me to understand how you men think!

I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I'm kind of getting tired trying to figure him out...

Is it normal for you not to say "I love"you all the time?
Is it normal that guys want to be more with their friends than with their girlfriends?

I try not to be needy, I give him free nights to do wherever he wants, I don't complain if he wants to be alone...

But on the inside it hurts... I would like him to notice the things I'm doing just to make him feel good...

Am I with the wrong guy? Am I being to good? Or are you guys just unable to express what you really feel?
Please help me...

Sorry if I have spelling problems. I'm from Paraguay and my english is not so good.

[vagabondprince]

well, expressing our feelings is something most of us guys have a problem with. trying to fit into the "macho" man stereotype several lose touch with their real feelings, and don't know how to express them.

As for what I expect from my girlfriends, i expect her to date me exclusively if we're dating. i expect her to be honest and open with me. and that's about all i expect. i'm sure other guys are much different.

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]Is it normal for you not to say "I love"you all the time?
Is it normal that guys want to be more with their friends than with their girlfriends?

addressing the first question here, does he say "I love you" at all? if so, that's probably all he feels comfortable saying it at the moment. just remember that just because it's not said doesn't necessarily mean it's not there.

As for him wanting to spend more time with his friends than with his girlfriend, this could just be another aspect of that "macho man" disease. He may feel he will appear weak to his friends if he spends too much time with you. Guys around here have a saying i despise because i disagree with it going "bros before hos", as in their guy friends come first, then their girlfriends. That could be the problem, you both being a young couple, or it could be a sign that he is not as infatuated with you as you are with him. Unfortunately some guys are just in it for the sex. Hopefully that's not how your relationship is.

Anyway, i tend to add a disclaimer to my post when i add an idea that is very pessimistic. Please consider everything i have said, but do not think that it is necessarily true. i have been wrong in the past

[WallyLlama]

Ahh, the age old question!

Speaking of age, I do think that has something to do with it... as we age (mature) our perspectives change.

Of course, guys have their own questions about gals too. Like how come you're so emotional, moody, and cry all the time?



So much of this is about striking a balance. It sounds like you are being a "good girlfriend" and are sensitve to his wants and needs (like going out with the guys). You may need to step up and make your wants and needs known. I'm not fond of generalities, but I think we "guys" are not always as observant as we should be... so a little help isn't out of line.

It's not "needy" to expect some things from a relationship. It's called a relationship because you're supposed to be relating to each other... it may be necessary to "teach" him how to relate to you. There are supposed to be benefits from every relationship... those benefits won't always be perfectly equal. There will be times when you give more than you get. But you are supposed to get, that's not selfish. In fact, in a healthy relationship each partner makes the other feel better about him/herself.

It sounds like you feel taken for granted and not appreciated. Help him fix that. Or at least give him an opportunity to fix that. If he doesn't want to or try, then you are with the wrong guy.

[Alspals69]

Well, what can i say.... this question has been asked for thousands of years

There is a really interesting book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". My wife and I read it and got on a whole lot better than we had been doing. The book covers everything from why men share problems only when they want a solution and why women want to share problems without having a solution forced upon them... and so much more.

I was hugely sceptical about it all (and ok in fact still am about some of it), but, it was truly insightfull most of the time. It is recommended reading with the british Marriage Guidance Councel. Well worth a look.

[Arodine]

My feeling is that you are not being needy nor abnormally emotional. Rather I feel that you are just more mature in your outlook than your boyfriend and he is either not taking it seriously enough or is just too immature to realise what he has got. This point really enforces my feeling that young women are wasted on young men, because they never appreciate what they've got (often until its too late).

[tanita]

After reading what you all said, I realize that maybe his behaviour is based on his age.

He is a year younger than me. I'm 20 and he is 19.

Maybe you think "you are too young to have a serious relationship" but in my country when you start dating with a boy, he has to meet your parents, he has to come over your house to visit you and all that stuff... Ok, but that's not the point. It's just to explain that what we are doing is serious.

I think you are right. Maybe he is just inmature.

I talked to him this morning, told him how I feel.

He said to me he was sorry and that he loved me and that he spended (?) (is that verb ok?) most of the time with his friends because I didn't say anything.

So its true what WallyLama said that is about striking a balance. Specially this part:" You may need to step up and make your wants and needs known. I'm not fond of generalities, but I think we "guys" are not always as observant as we should be... so a little help isn't out of line."

So thank you for your advice... Now, I know that it is all about value your self and expresing how you feel without acting like a victim... Sometimes I tend to act like that, but then I realize I'm overeacting and stop before I cry or something.

Thank you all. It was really helpful

[camman]

spent ... that is the verb
but it was very understandable. You are doing great with your english!!!!

[WallyLlama]

Wonderful, Tanita! I often say, "The way you get treated is the way you've taught people to treat you." That isn't arrogant. It's a responsibility we each have to everyone around us.

And a little crying isn't such a bad thing from time to time. :-)

Your relationship can be an adventure that you have together as you learn how to express your own value of self and how you value each other. Keep doing what you're doing! Make sure he "steps up" from time to time too and expresses his wants and needs.

I think you'll do great!

Wally

[Mouta]

I expect from a girlfriend what I would want from a best friend...and possibly some "extra " stuff on the side. I would expect my girlfriend(and she is) to be: honest, truthful, there for me when I need help (sad, sick, hurt etc), someone to love me, someone who expects everything I excpect back and to have sex sometimes...