breaking up in a new city

[mistmost]

Hey

My partner and I were been dating for 2.5 years and living together as partners for almost a year. We knew each other for over 4 years and lived together for 1 year as just friends. A few months ago she got accepted to go to university in another country and she made it pretty clear to me she wasnt willing to have a long distance relationship and wanted me to come along and I was willing to put my life on hold for her for a few months so we packed our stuff up and put it in storage and moved to the new city where she would attend school for a few months.

The first month here was really great. We were getting along well and there didnt seem to be any problems at all. *Then which seemed like overnight she lost total interest in me... no hanging out, eating together, talking or touching and it seems like everything I do she has something negative to say about it. She has lots of new friends and is keeping buisy with school and has made it clear that she wants me to leave her here to be by herself. Now the whole situation is out of control. Im leaving.. she doesnt want a relationship with me anymore, its ok to see other people and there doesnt seem to be much hope in getting back together. She has said that thing will be different when i leave but when i asked her what that meant she wouldnt answer. She promises to visit me in the city im moving to and gives me hints that we will still have some type of relationship but I dont think its true.

ok.. this is confusing i know.. im in a shitty situation and im not really thinking clear right now. I dont want to go back home yet because it will be difficult to unpack all of our stuff and seperate our belongings and start from scratch again so im going to travel for a bit until my head clears and hope that time will give me some answers.

anyway.. any advice will be great.

I know I just need to wait and see what happens.

[lilly2279]

Well if you're sure she has new friends and a new life going on, are you sure you're trying to be a part of it? Has she asked you to go out with her and her friends?

If she is not asking, I would ask myself if she would like you to come along. If she doesn't, ask her why. If she doesn't respond, then I would accept the fact that she is very selfish, for making you move all the way out there with her, separate your stuff, and get the heck out. Let her pay the rent by herself. Don't let her use you.

Good luck

[mistmost]

We normally do everything together and I try to hang out and go have fun with her new friends but she wants to do things alone.. or without me. When I ask if I can come along she actually tells me NO I dont want you to come. When we make plans to meet up somewhere she never shows up. Seperating our stuff is complicated because we moved from canada to europe so its not that easy to just go back home and unpack all of the stuff. We dont really have much stuff here in Europe because we knew it was a temporary living situation. I spent too much time, energy and money to go back home so soon. Its just not worth it.

[WallyLlama]

I believe it was Ben Franklin who said,

Necessity never makes a good bargain.

When we allow things such as living arrangements to take control of our lives and relationships, that's exactly what we're doing. We effectively become victims of our own choices.

If I understand the situation there are lots of other choices beyond feeling trapped. She's demonstrating one example. Accept the fact that you're sharing an apartment with someone who's becoming a stranger. Meet your own friends, go to your own parties, etc.

You said you put your life on hold for a few months. (I always worry when I hear someone say they are doing that. It's not how healthy relationships work.) Maybe it's time to take it off hold.