b/f not very adventurous...

[happygirle]

We have been in a relationship for several years. We are just waiting for me to get my degree before we get married.

I am interested in trying a few new things. Mostly products, like condoms that are not standard, like with ribs or something, or lubes or other things. I don't mind buying them online, but my b/f is uncomfortable with even looking at such websites. And I don't really want to spend alot of money on something he might not want to use.

Even with sex itself, I have problems trying to get him to try new things. He likes me on top, and missionary positions in that order. We were both virgins, so we have been learning together. I wanted to try oral, and the first time I suggested it, he got really nervous. This was after we'd been having sex for a year. Eventually he became more interested, but it took a while.

I just feel like I'm developing interests faster than he is. IT is kinda frustrating. We are perfect together otherwise except for political values. Is there anything that I can do to encourage him?

[WallyLlama]

It sounds like you ARE doing things to encourage him - and, for the most part, it's working. Some people are simply not adventurers. They rarely try new flavors of ice cream, go to the same restaurants...

That's a way of suggesting you look a the total person. I'd wonder if his reticence is sexual or a pattern in general? I'm not sure it changes much, but since you are going to be responsible for creating the exploration, the better you understand him, the better equipped you'll be to show him the way.

I'd suggest you can probably be a bit more demanding than you are. A year for him to get interested in oral sex is unreasonable. Be warned - conservatism (I'm not talking politics) can be a subtle form of control. If he is consistently unwilling to "try" things he is controlling you and, as you are seeing, your happiness. The question is whether or not that's a pattern.

Leads to an interesting question: who's most interested in waiting until you get you degree before marrying?

[happygirle]

It's actually me insisting we wait. He is stationed in Colorado, and I go to school in California. We do manage to see each other fairly often. I hate waiting, but I don't want to sacrifice career choices. Both my parents hate their jobs, and resent the other for having to give up their dreams. I'd just rather not have that. Add the fact that he could be transferred any time, it is not really a good idea to change colleges too often.

We have a trip to Tahoe planned in January. Possibly a good oppurtunity to try some new things. I might try ordering a few of the less expensive products, and possibly print out some portions of this site (no internet at the cabin).

I do appreciate the opportunity to vent my frustrations. Just receiving advice makes me feel alot better.

Thanks

[WallyLlama]

Good for you! I was secretly hoping it wasn't him that was making the wait, because that would imply he was not a risk-taker. That's not a bad thing, but it can create frustration for an adventurer.

A cabin may be just the place to create some adventure and exploration... all alone... very romantic... safe...

Can I come? LOL

I'm glad you feel better... One thing I'd encourage is laughter, even silliness. There's nothing like a good laugh to reduce tension and laughter can be highly erotic.

How about a "fun pack" - you can make it a bit of a joke thing... "just making sure we don't get bored..." You might even hint what you're doing and suggest he make one as well...

Go to Spencer Gifts, they have some great adult games that are couples oriented. It might require some activities previously not considered...

[Tessie]

I love Wally's idea of the "fun pack"

You know sometimes we just have to push them in the direction we want them to go. Carefully of course but firmly. You don't want to get married to a man that isn't on the same page as you are sexually. Believe me I see this all the time and it doesn't make a very happy marriage in the long run.

So I say go ahead and get yourself some products. Tahoe is a beautiful and romantic place. I say get candles, some tasty lube that you can lick off each other or some food like chocolate syrup or whipped cream. I never did really notice the rib condom but you might like them. What about sex toys? I would get a vibrator eggs, they are tons of fun and you can do many things with them. If there is a fireplace a plastic shower curtain and some oil could be really fun! Or just some baby oil in the shower together is very erotic.

If you are going to be printing some stuff out then why not a few erotic stories about what you would like from him and read them while curled up together. If you need ideas of where to get those let me know, I have a couple good sites with stories on it.

Now lets not forget outside fun too. Throw him up against a tree somewhere secluded and go down on him or something equally fun.

Mainly it is important to really talk and let him know what you are wanting and find out why he doesn't want to please you. I firmly believe that a couple should go out of their way to make each other happy sexually even if its not exactly what they want. Its all about give and take and compromise.

Once you are really ready to get kinky come back and I will give you some ideas for that too.

Good luck to you and I hope you have a fantastic time.

[Arodine]

I think you could perhaps gain alot from speaking about it with him. Whilst I'm sure you have tried that with him, sometimes its worth delving a bit deeper and trying to work out exactly why he is reluctant to try these new things. I certainly don't mean for you to be confrontational about it rather just try and make it a relaxed chat with no pressure. Personally my aim would be to try and understand where my partner was coming from (sorry no pun intended) and actiually discuss in a really casual way how you could perhaps resolve any worries etc. Of course you don't have to get the exact result you want immediately sometimes its better to meet in the middle and take it slowly. Sex is a two way thing and you should both be interested in meet both of your needs not just one need.

Ps I'm surprised that you feel you are only able to buy condoms online. Obviously I don't know where you are but I would have thought that most petrol stations and other anonymous places sell them. In my experience no one bats an eye lid when you buy them these days.

All the best