Old Phantoms revisiting me

[vagabondprince]

Ok, i talked about this before a few months ago when all of the stuff originally happened. But i don't know if i'm totally over this, and don't know what to do about it. thinking about it again is actually making me shake right now. part of the provokation of these old thoughts is a post about cheating that i just replied to, and I want to paste my reply in here:

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]I'm going to add my two cents because i had a very ambiguous situation that happened this summer (that some may remember reading about).

My girlfriend and I go to the same school together, but live pretty far apart during the summer (a ten hour drive or $200 plane ticket). So after finishing up the first year of college and first eight months of our relationship last may we were faced with deciding how we wanted our relationship to be. I was reluctant to change anything; I would have prefered to define us still as an exclusive couple who were just pursuing a temporarily long distance relationship. She wanted to either break up for the summer or kind of "take a break". after much deliberation we came up with some reasonable terms. we would say we were on a break and we could date other people. When sex came up in the discussion I adamently said that I didn't want her sleeping with other people, and she said she'd try her best but she couldn't promise anything. Considering my views on sex and my thought of what she felt for me, I thought this would mean that it most likely wouldn't happen, but might if she was having a wild night with an old fling possibly.

So close to the end of summer I was talking with her, and the feeling I had gotten from talking to her many times before was that she hadn't been dating anyone or anything, but after asking if she had, i found out she had been dating several other guys over the summer (as in letting them take her out, and kissing ["Nothing passionate"] some of them). Good, i thought, since she didn't say anything about sex nothing like that must have happened. So i asked. Yes, it did. with one guy. It happened on a night after she had been hanging out with him for the whole day and things just kinda fell into place. After hearing that the bottom just fell out of my stomach. I wasn't going to see her again for another few weeks, so I didn't know what to do, what to think, anything. the fact that she had cheated on me was all i could think about for a long time.

Now that school has been back in session for a couple of months, we are back together. I have put the happenings of the summer to the side for the most part. She couldn't promise anything after all. and she was totally honest with me about everything. But i do have to say, that even though i can put this one happening aside, I know for sure that I can't handle it happening again. She can't not promise me she won't in the future. It will be over otherwise.

I don't know why this still bothers me so much, but it's back on my mind. Can anyone offer me advice on how to deal with this problem?

[demonbuttercup]

well like I also posted, Im kinda dealing w/ the same thing. My b/f was seeing another girl, he said he didn't sleep w. her tho, so lets hope thats true.
It does hurt, and continues to hurt. It's like when you are w/ them and having fun, everything great, and you love them so much. Then something will trigger IT in you mind and you are right back to where you were. I haven't even had to deal w/ it a week, lol. I can't imagine months and years. but Im sure I will be. It's like you want to trust them, but its hard to see them in the same way. Such a shitty feeling

[vagabondprince]

Pretty much exactly how i'm feeling buttercup. i hadn't even really thought about it for a long time until i opened up the cheating survey post in dating and new relationships

[soulmates82]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (demonbuttercup @ Oct. 16 2004,22:03)].....It does hurt, and continues to hurt. It's like when you are w/ them and having fun, everything great, and you love them so much. Then something will trigger IT in you mind and you are right back to where you were. .... I can't imagine months and years. .... It's like you want to trust them, but its hard to see them in the same way. Such a shitty feeling :( :(

you were either taking a break from your relationship or your relationship broke up before school ended for the summer.
because of the love you feel for her, you honored your heart and remained true and faithful to the gal you love. it was your choice not to see other people during break.
she cares for you enough to have been honest with you. she has feelings for you but they arent strong enough to totally commited her into an exclusive relatioship with you.
if she wants to see other people besides you its up to you to decide if you still love her despite that and if you want to date only her even tho she is dating others besides you....

darn i did it again! my reply is mixed in with the quote..... see above.... i'll get this right one of these times....

[vagabondprince]

what i'm wondering is since it does still seem to bother me that she slept with another person over break, how should i approach and deal with these feelings? do i need to talk to her about it or what? sometimes i feel like i want to go and ask her "so, how was it with him this summer?" or something like that. sometimes i want to do that because i want to incite a little feeling from her about what she did over the summer, but some other times i want to ask because i really want to know how i stack up against others. it's so confusing and bugs the hell out of me

[soulmates82]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (vagabondprince @ Oct. 19 2004,18:43)]what i'm wondering is since it does still seem to bother me that she slept with another person over break, how should i approach and deal with these feelings? do i need to talk to her about it or what? sometimes i feel like i want to go and ask her "so, how was it with him this summer?" or something like that. sometimes i want to do that because i want to incite a little feeling from her about what she did over the summer, but some other times i want to ask because i really want to know how i stack up against others. it's so confusing and bugs the hell out of me

knowing what you do about her summer indescritions you stlll love her and want to have a long-term relationship with her.

i dont understand what you need to talk to her about.