Oral reciprication

[2deprived]

...they don't do it for you?

My husband always asks for oral sex, yet he does not recipricate. I really enjoy giving, but I don't think it's fair that I am not receiving. He gets upset when I turn him down.

[secretly_shy]

Howabout suggesting a 69er?

fun for both!

[WallyLlama]

Apparently, you're not the first... and I've heard some pretty lame excuses men have given for why they should get oral but not give it. (My all time favorite has to be that the penis is on the outside of the body and doesn't require "going in.&quot

Often times it's a power issue and really has less to do with sex than you'd think. (He gets upset when you don't do what he wants.)

As a guy who thoroughly enjoys giving oral, I never quite get this problem... I'd say the answer lies in figuring out how to let him discover that he enjoys it... that way he'll do it for himself because it doesn't sound like he's going to do it for you.

Either that or you have to figure out how to shift the power balance, at least in the bedroom.

[lilly2279]

Yes, there are plenty of men like that out there. And yeah, they give all kinds of excuses... They don't know how (learn!), it's too hard to satisfy her (um, practice), it's gross (that's in your head, get over it), I can please her other ways (well, then show me the money!).

Bottom line is if he won't give it, then he shouldn't be getting it. (Unless that is something you don't mind not getting - but that doesn't really sound like that case since you wrote in on here) Tell him the next time he'll get it is after he satisfies you in that way first. If that doesn't solve the problem, well at least you won't be getting the short end of the stick..

Get him a book on giving oral sex to a female. Maybe that will help? Some edible lotions. Something along those lines.. Good luck!

[nc-lonly]

from my point of view, it gives me the most pleasure giving oral sex to my partner, hearing her moan, and squirm. And to know i can satisy her that way. It really keeps me hot and turned on.

I have the oppisite problem I cant get my partner to give me a bj so I have cut off her getting hers.

Just want to say this.

[thetease13]

Oral was something I always did to him. I knew he enjoyed it and so I did it for him. I didn't exactly think it was fair I wasn't getting it, but I did it anyways because I like to please him.

But the last time we were together, he did oral on me.
It was a bit of a compromise. He knew I really wanted it but I told him a while back that I'd like him do anal on me if he did oral on me.
So he held up to his end of the bargain, and I held up to mine.

And while I don't think it's fair, I don't really think you should cut it off cause then, they may get pissy and just cut it off all together. But that's just me. To each his or her own.

[oberon]

You didn't really say... Have you asked him to do this? Personally, I would think it would be automatic... you know, tit for tat... but maybe he doesn't see it that way. If he says "no" when asked, then you have a problem.

[eDJ]

I think Oberon is on to something. Is your guy somehow under the impression you don't want him doing it for you? Is he just unwilling? That selfish? Waiting for you to ask him?

I once had a love who was always wanting to give, but winced when I wanted to do her. She sulked and retreated into herself when I told her how much I wanted to do something nice for her and give her the feelings of pleasure she gave me. Why did she fear? Was she just modest?

It took some time and playful purswasion to overcome her guarded reluctance. In time she grew eager to allow me when on the couch in the den and to 69 in bed. I found she wouldn't ask, but would leave it to me. I explained what a turn on it would be to hear her ask me for it. Again she bulked at the idea. I told her I wanted to hear her ask me for what she would like for me to do. To hear her voice say it.

As time went on she became more relaxed and dropped her guard enough to ask me to "eat me", or announce.."I want to get on top of you". I would have liked to have heard more
explicit request from her although her actions spoke volumes.
Sometimes you just have to allow people to be themselves
in their own realm and come to their readiness. Other girls I've known have no problems with the "dirty talk".

I quote an old advertising slogan to them...."part of the art of being a woman is knowing when not to be too much of a lady".

We had to move to other areas for school and work but our time together was sweet. I enjoyed what we had together and she felt she had benefited and grown in the relationship
too.

eDJ

[WallyLlama]

Fascinating. I'm intrigued by the amount of "tit for tat" thinking there is on this topic.

If I enjoy performing oral and you enjoy receiving, I'm going to to do it. It's not a bribe so you'll do me. I'll enjoy myself; you'll enjoy yourself. That's enough for me.

I might want you to perform oral on me, but I'm not going to deny us both pleasure if you don't.

It seems to me that "tit for tat" borders on prostitution. (Not that I'm against prostitution. LOL) "I'll give you $10 if you give me a BJ" isn't too far from "I'll lick you if you suck me."

As I noted in my earlier post, sometimes the way we approach sex is more about power than it is about pleasure. When we start trading sexual favors for sexual favors... well, that's commerce, isn't it?

Might work in some venues (as long as you don't run out of things to trade), but it seems to me that in a relationship there are better ways.

I should hasten to add that I'm not against some trading (You can be cheerleader this time, but I want to be the cheerleader next time.) and negotiation. But witholding as a form of punishment... well, that's not something I'd choose to do.

[Tessie]

Interesting thread and I think Wally makes a very good point in that if you enjoy performing oral and the other enjoys receiving it, then you should do it no strings attached. It really should be about both partners enjoying any given sexual act and not just performing to make the other happy.

For myself if my partner only did it because I did something to him and now he feels he owes me I would not experience very much pleasure from that. When he goes down on me or anything else for that matter I want him to enjoy it as much as I do. Otherwise where is the satisfaction. The last thing I would want in bed is have him do something because he felt obligated to do. Yuck!!

Now I would want to know why he didn't want to perform oral on me. What is the explanation? Did he have a bad experience that has now clouded his thinking about it? Does he feel inadaquate in his ability? Is it just gross to him? I would think having a clear understanding would be a good start in maybe changing his opinion.

Also like Wally said there is nothing wrong trading or even making deals for sex. I do that all the time with my partner. But it never comes from a place where I feel I am forced to do it against my will or because I owe him. It is ususally done in good fun and the fact that we know one another extremely well.

Lastly to have a healthy sexual relationship one should never use it as a weapon. I would never deny my husband sex because he wouldn't do something to me. That is very dangerous ground.